So for a long time now I've considered myself almost 100% gay. The other day though, I kissed a girl for the first time and found that I didn't particularly enjoy it. This got me thinking: is it because the first kiss is always awkward/lame? Or is it because I'm not as into girls as I thought I was? I've always found guys to be attractive (as well as girls), but I never really allowed myself to feel attracted to them because I've been so desperate to keep myself 'purely gay' so to speak. I know that I'm a teenager and this can probably all be pinned on hormones, but do any of you lovely people have any advice for me? Do you think the kiss wasn't enjoyable because I don't like girls? Or is it just because she might not have been a very good kisser? It's just really confusing to all of a sudden be thinking about guys in a sexual sense and doubting how gay I really am, especially since I've recently been so sure of my sexuality. Any help would be much appreciated
It could be that you didn't enjoy kissing this particular girl. I felt less than nothing during my first kiss. It couldn't have been more underwhelming. For me, the less invested I am in the person I'm kissing, the more lacklustre the kissing will be. I've found sexuality ebbs and flows. Until recently I had seen myself as straight but with an appreciative eye for female beauty and now I find I'm completely attracted to women. Who knows if that will change. Perhaps taking the pressure off yourself to feel a particular way may help you find a space where you are comfortable, whether that is being with, girls, boys or both.
