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Being disowned by extended family. What do I do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sully, Dec 8, 2013.

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  1. Sully

    Sully
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    Certain people in my family will be horrified when they find out I'm gay (Catholic aunt etc), and will want nothing to do with me when I come out.

    The closer I come to this time, the less I'm caring about these people. Why the hell would I bother spending time with them for Christmas and putting on a facade for people that in the not to distant future will most likely want nothing to do with me?

    What do I do? I love these family members but the more time that passes the more I just don't give a shit about them because they won't want to know me.
     
    #1 Sully, Dec 8, 2013
  2. Nick07

    Nick07
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    hmm, so do you love them or don't give a shit about them?

    I think that you do love them and you want them to accept you, but you are afraid that they won't and this "not giving a damn" is your defense mechanism that you start well in advance to shield yourself from being hurt.

    I would say, spend the time with them if it brings you joy. Think about the way you want to come out to them and when. Maybe you will be surprised. I personally was (both - in a good and bad way by different people in my family)
     
    #2 Nick07, Dec 8, 2013
  3. Sully

    Sully
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    Yes I love them and of course I want to be accepted by them.

    Yes you're completely right, but still, why would I bother giving a shit about these people, why bother with Christmas, when the truth is, I'll be rejected by them in the future.

    They're not the kind of family that I'd ever come out too, and they only time I'd probably bother saying anything was if I was in a relationship, which could be years. For that time though, I'd just be tolerating these people that would hate what I am.

    Thinking about it now, I'm not even sure if I do love them, I mean how could I really love someone that wouldn't love me for me?
     
    #3 Sully, Dec 9, 2013
  4. Chic30

    Chic30
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    By extended family? That shouldn't be a big deal. The only ones that matter to me is what my immediate family thinks. Not saying the extended family shouldn't matter, I guess it depends on how close you are to them.
     
    #4 Chic30, Dec 9, 2013
  5. biggayguy

    biggayguy
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    If you give them a chance some of them may surprise you. When it comes to family love may win out.
     
    #5 biggayguy, Dec 9, 2013
  6. Sully

    Sully
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    Yeah but I can't really bothered giving them time, I've got more important things to do with my time. Like living, and not trying to make people like me.
     
    #6 Sully, Dec 9, 2013
  7. AnonymousForeve

    AnonymousForeve
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    Extended family members are important, it's just that you usually don't have to spend as much time with them.

    I used to live very close to all of my extended family and they visited my house all the time.
     
    #7 AnonymousForeve, Dec 10, 2013
  8. lafemmenoir

    lafemmenoir
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    youre afraid of their rejection so you want to reject them first. i have struggled with this as well. what i decided to accept is that i really dont know how my family will react when they eventually find out. strengthening your relationships with them and opening yourself to them will increase the chances of them accepting/understanding you. closing yourself to them i imagine wouldnt help. you may think you are protecting yourself but you arent because right now you are just feeling hurt by something that hasnt even happened yet.

    whats more important is you accepting yourself and not allowing what others think about you to affect what you think about yourself. and what do you think about yourself? have you fully accepted your own sexuality?
     
    #8 lafemmenoir, Dec 14, 2013
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