Depressed boyfriend, don't know what to do

Hey, guys.

So, at the moment, my boyfriend (David) is currently overseas in Japan as part of the Navy, so we talk as much as we can on Skype. He's a nice guy, little shy and awkward, but he can be sweet. I got a chance to go down to Texas to visit him a year ago when he was still living there.

Now, he's kind of always had depression through his life - he's had multiple misfortunes, many of which he's blamed on himself even though most of them weren't relative to what he was doing, and ever since he was 10, he moved every year around Texas because of monetary issues his parents were having, so I don't think he really managed to build a solid support system with any friends for an extended period of time, and he's never really felt especially close to his family.

He's been trying his best to fight the depression, it seems. Or at least put up a mask about it. It just seems like, these past 2 years, it's actually gotten worse. I feel like I've let him down so many times because of something I had to do, like go to work, or go to bed, or spend some time with friends I have around here, or something I didn't do and he was expecting that something to be done, I don't know.

It's just... hard to tell with him. He really is a sweet guy, I know he is, but I can't count the amount of times he's told me to leave him alone for a bit or something, and I comply, only with him to turn around and tell me I should know better than to leave him alone. I mean, I don't know how he feels about me. He cares about me at one point, and then 'hates' me at another, simply because I didn't manage to talk to him, or I had to go to bed because I was tired, or I was going to spend some time with my friends.

To be honest, I've kinda been bad about that, myself, because I've typically sacrificed time to sleep and time to spend with friends or MADE time to talk to him to try to make him feel better.

He's capable of feeling, I know he is. His depression just makes it hard for him to be alone cause then he starts thinking all these negative things and just becomes self-hating, melancholic, and extremely depressed. And I care about him so, so much. It hurts to see him like this. It hurts to be pushed away when I reach out to him. But he admits that if he was alone and pushed everyone away, then no one would have to share that suffering with him because he's not hurting anyone. I just wish he could see that pushing me away, by taking in that suffering alone, hurts me more than sharing that pain with me.

I'm just stressed regarding him, and I don't know what to do. He out-right refuses to seek professional help, and I can't help feeling like I'm just not doing enough or I'm doing something wrong or I'm not trying hard enough. I'm scared for him, I really, really am. I can't eat, I can barely fall asleep, and I just end up shutting myself out from other people because I don't feel like dealing with them. I want to sort this out. I want to be there to support him. I want to see him again.

 

He did it because his dad did it, who's dad did it, who's dad did it...

So kind of a tradition. He also wanted to do it because of the money. Because he wanted to build a life with me that wouldn't be like what his parents went through - so that we wouldn't have to worry about being poor or being stressed on funds. And it's not like I'm letting him do all the work in that respect - I should hope not, anyway, having nearly saved up $10,000 in my account.

I just can't stand seeing him hurt, and I don't particularly understand why. I guess I feel responsible for him? I just want to see him happy.

I know I'm probably gonna drive people crazy with this, so I apologize in advance, I'm just stressed and worried and scared for him. <_>