It's been awhile but I'm back...once again ranting about my parents. Like, I turn 17 tomorrow, there is no need to treat me like I'm 5 anymore. There's also the fact that my mom worries about me constantly, and it's obvious. A little back story on that. A few months back I was at work and called my parents to come pick me up. They did and when we got home my dad went inside and my mom confronted me outside. They apparently had decided to put my new mattress on my bed and clean out from under my bed. Unbeknownst to me, I had left a notebook under my mattress that I could have sworn I had gotten rid of years ago. Quite bluntly it was a young attempt at writing porn. There was reasoning for why I forgot about it, I did not like it, I thought I had gotten rid of it. There was stuff about me being depressed and apparently suicidal (I was 13, come on, I meant nothing and could have sworn I got rid of that too). There was worse, I had apparently wrote about my first and only sexual encounter with a guy older than me. I'm going to leave it there, I hate myself for it and don't believe that I have told anyone about it. I of course denied everything. Months later she still worries. Two weeks ago when we were driving to church it was brought up that she was worried that I was 'sad' and that she worries that I'm alone in my room too much. When my sister asked if I wanted to see Catching Fire with her and her boyfriend my parents insisted how much fun I would have. I was going without their pressure anyways. I'm not allowed to lock my door and am questioned on what I'm doing whenever I do. I got questioned on why I only watch TV in the living room when they're not home and apparently it was because I 'don't like them.' Like what the hell? I am absolutely sick of it. Can they (mostly my mom) not realize that the more they pressure me the more I do not want to be around them? I enjoy bowling, when they try and take me I get so frustrated because if I'm doing bad they try to cheer me up, like no. I'm doing bad, stop it. Whenever I go with my grandma, which I do once a week, we both know if I'm doing bad, she doesn't go all inspirational with me if I do bad. Anytime something big comes up at school whenever they found out about it the only thing I hear for months is about it. Dance coming up? "Are you going to that? You'll have so much fun! Why don't you go with ____?" Like, stop! I went to Homecoming before, it was nothing spectacular. I went with a very nice girl and it had nothing to do with her, I actually felt bad because I had no fun. It's not my scene, I don't go around dancing. I'm shy at school (only at school...I'm not fond of those horrible judgmental people. My work is filled with fun interesting people), I like just being by myself. It's not such a horrible thing. I'm also constantly bugged to hang out with my friends. "Oh, why don't you go to the movies with ____? Do you want to ask ______ to do something? You should go bowling with your friends sometime!" Once again, stop! (Sorry if I sound like a ranting YouTube video). I will do things on my own terms, not my parents. If I want to hang out with my friends I will. Both occasions that my friends have asked me to bowl, I've gone. My parents need to understand my friendships though. I'm close to people but they're so popular that I don't fit with their cliques. There are people who I'm friends with and we're just friends, we talk at school we're comfortable with each other. Why must it be decided in our society that if you're not hanging out with people during any and all free time that must mean that you're depressed? I'm content, why must my parents try to change that? This is my life, I should be able to live it however I please. If I choose to be social, then I'll be social, if not, then I won't. If I want to spend every waking second with my friends, then I will, if not, then I won't. If I want to lock my bedroom door, I should be allowed to. I'm not plotting to kill myself, I'm just...well let's just say it involves my iPad and some Kleenex. If I am depressed, I know who to go to, there are people in my life that I know will help me when help is needed, not my parents. I am a perfectly fine person, but my parents...just...urgh! What can I do if anything, people? There's so much more that I won't bring up in detail: constant reminders to 'sit up straight' and 'stop being so hunched, you'll have so many back problems,' the fact that I still have to go to Sunday School every single week (I can handle church, if I had a choice I wouldn't go but I can handle it. I am quite nearly 17 though, I should not have to keep going to Sunday School and be forced to go. My teacher needs everything to be perfect and has a obvious animosity with my one friend there who doesn't hide that she doesn't want to be there. There's 7 of us, MAYBE, three are juniors, one is a sophomore, two are in middle school and one is four. Gah!), being told that I'm being lazy and I'm never asked to do anything when in reality my parents ask me to do all these things and when I don't want to they use that excuse, knowing that my mom checks on my sister's and my own Twitter, etc. Sorry for my rant...but I needed the rant. Seriously though people, what can I do? I'm going crazy with things! (and with the fact that I can NEVER lock my door, I get no privacy and am basically forced to leave my door open). Thanks all!
Gee, that is tough. I empathize with you. My mom and her family made up a third of the church I used to attend. I was expected to go into my late twenties. Here is an idea for you. Could you maybe visit a friend's church on Sunday? It would get you're mom to loosen up about seeing your friends. It would also get you away from her church for a while.
Well see, I don't even really want to go at all. I would much rather sleep in, play video games, watch cartoons on my laptop. I would just be able to deal with going if no Sunday School. I'm one of the most non-religious people I know and I do not want to get into a whole big religion argument on here.
I have no comment on most things except the going out with friends part. maybe your parents are mostly "extroverts" and trying to force you to be outgoing all the time? Maybe they were the kind who used to go out a lot as a teen? If that is the case, it might be difficult for them to understand why you're not going out a lot. you need to talk to them that, using the school dance example, having fun is something for you to decide. Some people enjoy reading book, some people enjoy watching shows, some people enjoy going out, and there's nothing wrong with either one of them. Let them know that you don't need to hangout with your friends all the time. In fact, nowadays with internet, I enjoy talking on fb chat or skype with RL friends just as I would in RL. "I'm also constantly bugged to hang out with my friends." <- talk to them, seriously. One final note on this, a lot of the world is extrovert, for example, a stereotypical popular clique, or the popularity of successful business person is outgoing. However, let them know that it's okay not to go out all the time too. There's a speech by this lady on being Introvert, I haven't sit and listen to it yet lol. But I'm sure part of the problem this world have is very outgoing people trying to make people be like them.
Thank you! You made me remember the word: introvert! I knew antisocial was wrong (although...) and I couldn't place the right word. My dad could be seen as an extrovert I guess. He always did stuff with his friends (some stuff which I don't need to know about), my mom though I'm not entirely sure. She's the one who does it the most. She constantly tells me that I'll regret not going, actually no...I won't. I don't particularly enjoy watching the skanks of my grade grinding into random guys. School dances have changed since my parents went to school. I think I have heard of that speech before, like I think that someone has mentioned it to me before.
I never went to school dance except prom, they're expensive and I was too awkward and shy to dance anyways lol. But right now I don't mind going to a club and just dance by myself lol.... (never been to a club though.) In the end, if you're talking about workplace kind of socialization and individuality, a good balance of communication with other people and doing your work might be a good discussion. But forcing you to go out really isn't :/ anti-social has a negative meaning, and might be preferable to describe someone who don't enjoy much socializing, ever. Introverts describe people who need some socializing every now and then, but not frequent and nor long hours each time. Speaking of that, I normally hangout with people a couple times before/after each semester. Maybe they have their own hangouts, but I guess people generally think I am too busy with school to hangout anyways. xD Still, a little hangout here and there isn't that bad. If you wish to talk to your parents about this, be careful to express yourself. Make it positive but also assure them that you're not suicidal, if they're worry about that.
My mother is guilty of two things: worrying too much, and thinking that she knows me better than I know myself. Your situation sounds similar. If you want to break the leash, you need to stretch it first. Wedge the door open one bit at a time. Start with the small things - decisions and whatnot - ensure that they are out of your mother's control. Even at age 16 my mother was trying to control every single aspect of my life, and she still would be at 18 had I had not loosened her grip before rolling out the one-two-three punch of the revelations of my sexual orientation, relationship, and imminent departure for England. The more she realises that she can't micromanage your life, the less she'll try. And yes, there was a time when I would get the shit blasted out of me if I closed my bedroom door. People can be malleable.
