Hey again. I've currently been seeing a guy for the last 3 weeks or so and issues have already arisen between us in the last week and a half. From the start of the relationship he knew I wasn't hugely affectionate (I'm can be affectionate but I'm not hugely touchy feely or soppy). It started with him giving me an ultimatum that he wanted more affection and felt if I wasn't going to give more we weren't compatible, we talked it over and decided I would try harder at letting my guard down with him. Not long after that he complained that we spent too much time with my friends when we were together and he demanded more intimate time (even though we already get that) so we had to talk about that and about how I couldn't give him the 4-5 days a week he wanted from me (I'm doing a research phd at the moment and I also need alone time due to my introversion) so we discussed how I couldn't provide him with the affection and attention he needed with the intent of ending things. The following morning he decided he didn't want to end things and wanted to compromise, so we discussed that and stuck together. Not long later the same complaints about wanting more alone time and more intimacy arose so we discussed that again and decided to finish things. He decided he wanted to stick around with me after ending things so we spent the rest of the day together but he got sick and had to be taken to A&E (pretty out of the blue). Next thing he's texting me saying he wants to try and maintain the relationship....so we agree on that. Next evening he tells me that he's ending it because I didn't show enough affection to him on the morning after his hospital visit and tells me he's cutting all ties...half an hour later he comes back saying he didn't really mean that he just said it to get a reaction out of me because he wants to stay together. I'm all over the place here. I had closure from his dismissal of me but then he claims it was all a ruse to get a reaction out of me because he thought I'd yield to his requests for more time and intimacy if he ended things(?). Now he's telling me that he wants to work on intimacy and attention I show him because apparantly he likes me too much as a person to lose me but doesn't want to be "just" friends because he has a romantic attachment to me... I don't really get him, he's been so inconsistent over the last friday-monday and we've argued 8 times about things like this and broken up twice already which tells me that it isn't going to get any better whereas he's hanging on in the vain hope I'll drastically change in the areas of time investment and affection levels which I've told him is a bad idea already. Anyone able to advise? I think he may just want a relationship for the sake of it.
I would end it with him. It's unneeded stress for you. You've got school to focus on, and he should understand that. He shouldn't be toying with your emotions trying to get you to change. That's his bad. I'd break up with him and keep it ended. You can find a better guy.
I agree, you can do better than this. all these arguments and inconsistencies will not work in the long run in my opinion. I think maybe it's best to accept that it's just run it's course.
I agree on ending it. He is using coercion, which is unhealthy for a relationship. If you're arguing this much before the relationship has really even started, then I can't see things continuing on for much longer when both parties are unhappy and needs are left unfulfilled. Not to mention you guys just don't seem to be that compatible and want different things.
Thanks, we ended it and he cut all ties with me despite saying he still liked me as a fiend because he "doesn't need any more friends". Then he texted me this morning telling me how upset and distraught he was that it was over and asking me if I thought it was the right thing to do.
Yeahhh he sounds like trouble. I think it's you that needs to cut some communication while he gets over it. Maybe he's a nice guy or will be but right now he needs to grow up because his behavior isn't appropriate.
