So recently my two best friends both found girlfriends, which is great because they both deserve great people. My concern right now is that I'm going to become a constant 3rd or 5th wheel or worse, left out all together. A lot of my other friends are either busy or studying abroad, so they're really all have. So I'm asking how do I combat being left out/keep things like they've been. It's already started with to go this way, so I'm a little panicky. Am I being selfish here?
I was somewhat having this problem when my best friend got a girlfriend. He would never have any time for any of his other friends...so I became really close with his girlfriend. He knows and she knows that I'm not attracted to her so we can be comfortable. Sorry I can't be too helpful, but that's what I've got.
The reality is that some people, when they get into a relationship will be really good at maintaining their friendships and will continue to make time for them... and others will let all of their other relationships fall by the wayside. And there's really not any way I know of to encourage someone to change from one to the other. What you can do is try to have a deep and heartfelt conversation with your friends (one at a time) and share your concerns. It won't guarantee that it won't happen, but it will at least give you a chance to ask for what you need, and, at the same time, let the other person talk about his (or her) needs. Communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, and it's possible your friends don't even realize what they are doing.
Thanks Chip. I guess I knew that leopards can't change their spots, even if you try. But I think you're right and the best way to get my point across is just by talking to them. However awkward that's going to be. I know they'll be receptive, but I wish I knew what to say without sounding like I'm blaming them for ignoring me, or third-wheeling me. My default for stuff like this is to get passive-aggressive, but that's really not going to help anything here. I'm really just afraid that I'm gonna be left out on my own.
