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I love my girlfriend, but I like my co-worker

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GetJinxed, Dec 11, 2013.

  1. GetJinxed

    Regular Member

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    I thought I was a lesbian until recently... I recently realized that I'm bisexual, in a sense. Romantically, I love both sexes, and sensually, I love both sexes, thought I still prefer women in both areas, and then sexually I only like women. Though I suppose if I loved a guy enough, I'd be sexually involved with them.

    Anyway, that's besides the point: I recently realized that I need to backtrack a bit and I'm not as gay as I thought. I also realized that I feel like I need to be single for a while... I've never been single for longer than a month.

    I've been with my girlfriend for two years, and I love her more than anything in the world. I've never been in such a wonderful, loving, mutually caring relationship before. I've never met anyone as beautiful, inside and out, as she is. I could sing her praises for days.

    However, the second I'm at work and away from her, I find myself checking out attractive people non-stop, of both genders. I have a very flirtatious personality, and naturally flirt with most people, but it's gotten worse as of late. Annddd, the worst part of it all, is I have a co-worker, a guy, that I have a HUGE crush on. I've only ever liked a guy once in my life, so this is strange. I feel incredibly guilty about it, because I'm still dating my girlfriend, and I"m wondering if I only have feelings for him because I want to experience being single for once, and I"m only now coming to terms with my bisexual tendencies, so maybe I'm curious and desperate to experience both those things? It could also be my sub-conscious offering me a way out, since me and my girlfriend have different plans for the future, and neither of us are willing to compromise....

    Another issue that has arisen; I think he may like me back. That's a huge issue for me, because I've never been one to shy away from a mutual attraction, but I could never cheat on my girlfriend. I love her more than anything... And I could never ask for a temporary open relationship or for a break, because there'd be no way she'd come back. There is no break option with us; it's stay together and work it out, or break up.

    I really need help, I don't know what to do....
     
  2. Randomette

    Regular Member

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    This is kinda a hard one for me to wrap my head around. Probably because I can relate to some parts of your story really well but not at all to others. Let me give this a shot, though.

    Some of the issues that come up here may have a LGBT context, but they really transcend that, in that they could apply to a straight/cis person just as readily. I think a lot of your story is like that.

    In regards to whether you're bi or lesbian, it seems like you've believed something for a long time because it was a comfortable certainty. You had a very good relationship with a girl, so I'm sure some part of your mind found it very comfortable to simply think you were a lesbian. It's probably the same drive which makes other bi or even lesbian girls convince themselves they're straight when they have a good guy by their side.

    By the same token, this new reality which you're considering may be an extension of the same thing: merely an uncomfortable way to deal with an even more uncomfortable question. Yes, you're flirtatious, but I doubt it's a coincidence that you're suddenly noticing guys and crushing on them after you start to see cracks in your existing relationship.

    "me and my girlfriend have different plans for the future, and neither of us are willing to compromise"

    That's a biggie. Even if you get along perfectly day-to-day and are amazingly in love with each other, it's still a biggie. And that might be the real thing which is pushing you to consider new things. Some part of you may be realizing that your differences with this girl are possibly irreconcilable.

    I actually don't think this guy is a very important player in the game right now, even if you feel a lot when you're around him.

    It sounds more like you need to figure out what's really important to you at this moment, which probably means taking a hard look at the relationship you're currently in.

    Can you make it work with this girl? Do you want to? What compromises are you willing to make, if any, to stay with her? How long do you want things to last with her, if you don't think you have a longterm future? I think if you have clarity on questions like that, it'll put you in a better position to deal with everything else.