Yeah, sorry for the lengthy post. My best friend has recently started dating another girl. It's her first relationship, but quite frankly I don't think its a very serious one. They don't act like they're dating, more like really close friends. Of course, my opinion might be a bit warped as I was informed earlier, by EC users, that the way I treated my friend was how one would treat a girlfriend. I see her doing things for this new girl that I had done for her and realize just how incorrectly I handled our friendship. We use to do everything together; eat lunch, walk to class, sit next to each other, talk on the phone, hang out on the weekends. But now she's always with this other girl. I never thought I'd be the jealous type, but I don't know how else to describe what I'm feeling. She knows she's practically my only friend and that other than her I have to one to interact with. I thought it'd just be the two of us through high school, but I now know that was stupid to think. Now in the mornings she ditches me in the hallways to walk her girlfriend. I even got a tardy slip because she wanted to wait in the parking lot for her and I was to nervous to walk to class by myself. At lunch she no longer sits with me. Instead she sits with her girlfriend and her group of friends. Whenever I call her house she's always busy texting or talking to her. Last weekend I invited her to a parade, but she said she couldn't go. I called her later to see if she wanted to hang out, but her mom told me that she took her girlfriend to the parade. She's always thinking about her, always talking about her! Today after school I thought we were going to walk to club together. She stopped all of a sudden and asked if I would go ahead with out her. I told her I didn't mind being late and would wait for her. I was a little dense and didn't know why she wanted me to leave. She tried to be subtle a few more time before she outright told me that I was being a 3rd wheel. I not sure what I'm jealous of exactly. That she has a girlfriend and I don't? That she has other people besides me who she can talk to and hang out with? That I'm no longer the most important friend in her life? Or maybe because they one person I talk to is slowly being taken away from me. I wish I could make friends as easily as she does. Then maybe I could go find some new friends on my own and stop being so dependent on her. I felt pathetic enough following her around before like a lost puppy. Its worse now when it's them and me trailing behind. That's how it is now, them and me. There's no more us. And as soon as something goes wrong, like all the times before, what does she do? She comes running back to me and I'm waiting for it. Just standing here and waiting.
That's a real awful situation to be in, has anything like this ever happened before with her? Maybe you should talk to her about it and tell her how you feel, just to get a better handle on the situation and maybe sort things out.
I am relatively unaware of the whole situation but, to me, it sounds like the situation you described is simply her in love. Friendships can be very complicated. Naturally, most people will concur that maintaining a relationship requires more effort and deserves more consideration than a friendship. That isn't to say one replaces the other, but when romance enters someone's life they usually change their lifestyle. They drift away, they get closer to you, they talk about their romance more, discuss their hobbies less, et cetera. It varies from person-to-person but ultimately it is called "love." Sometimes "infatuation," too. I know many people (like my brother) disagree with me on this but I'd hate to spend more time with a friend than with a lover unless there was a viable excuse like long-distance. But things do change, that much is beyond dispute. For this reason, I would recommend evaluating whether her position in your life is currently benefiting or inhibiting you. Depending on the answer to that question, you can re-examine how she factors into your life. It is not my intention to be critical but you said "... I was too nervous to walk to class by myself." Sounds like you depend on her, a lot. I do not mean to speak for her character but if she is gallivanting around with a girlfriend while you so desperately need her, by your side, then there is trouble brewing. Just something to think about.
Hey Sal, I'm sorry that you're in this situation. It doesn't feel nice, does it? Personally, I'd recommend having a talk with her. Not necessarily a planned one though, if you know what I mean. I'd say that, if you can catch her when she's on her own (and not in a rush to go anywhere else for a while), then you should sit her down and tell her how you feel. Just like you told us on EC. It's hard but maybe you also need to make some new friends. Now, friendships come pretty slowly most of the time but it is possible to get some new ones (without needing to replace her, of course). If you see someone on their own at some point, try going up to them and saying 'hi, can I sit with you?' or something like that. If you practise saying 'hi' to people, then speaking to them will get easier in time. Bear in mind that not everyone wants to meet new people but, if you find someone who does want to talk to you, then you can make them your friend by being yourself. They'll see that you're a nice person and then you'll have someone else to speak to as well as your old friend. I hope this helps.
I hate that I've become so dependent on her. I wasn't always like this. I used to not care about others and if I was alone or not. I went to school, got good grades, went home, repeat. But since we became friends she's been a constant in my life and I've grown use to being with her. I guess I'm just not handling this new change very well. Sometimes I want to be angry at her for leaving me alone when she knows I need her, but then I feel guilty for being so dependent. It's not her fault I'm socially awkward and antisocial. I'm afraid of bringing any of this to her attention. I always worry that she'll confirm my fears; that she doesn't want me around anymore, I'm holding her back from making more friends, I'm not good enough for her. Stupid I know, but I can't help but think this. If things were to go wrong, I'd have more to lose than she does. She'll have others to go to, I won't. I don't think I can handle being alone again. ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2013 at 04:18 PM ---------- Sadly this isn't the first time something like this has happened. However the first time it was a guy she was interested in and he didn't return her feelings. She gave up on him after a year and came back to me. When she crushes, she crushes hard and it's like I don't exist anymore. I voiced my displeasure last time, but it had little to no effect on the situation.
