I've (sort of) been asked out by a few different guys, and I'm just not sure how to respond as I'm not interested in either. Lets call the first guy James. We met at a party and briefly chatted. He friended me on Facebook, then sent me a message saying he had fun hanging out and that we should chat on the phone sometime (and he gave me his number). He didn't explicitly ask me out, but it was pretty clear what he was after. This was a few months ago, and I was pretty busy and just forgot to respond (partly because I wasn't sure exactly what to say). He sent me another Facebook message earlier this week asking if I'd be free to chat on the phone sometime. Again, I wasn't sure exactly how to respond, but wanted to make sure I did. I responded that I was somewhat busy (which was true), and asked what did he want to talk about. He said that he liked me, thought I was interesting, and wanted to get to know me better. So no, he didn't explicitly ask me out, but it's pretty clear he's interested. I still have yet to respond to that (he only sent that message yesterday). The other guy (lets call him Adam) I met at a different party. We chatted (but as part of a group) for about 10 minutes or so. He friend me on Facebook afterwards. He then sent a message saying "Hey, what's up?". A month or so latter he sent me another one sentence remark along the lines of "Hey there, how's it going?". He sent the same message again via Facebook a few weeks ago. I guess my question is more general than these two people. How do you turn someone down who your not interested in (especially if they haven't explicitly asked you out, but it's pretty clear reading between the lines)? I guess with James and Adam I don't feel attracted to either of them, and I've had very little interaction with either of them so I don't really know them that well. I did bump into Adam the other day (he apparently works at Whole Foods, who knew?!?) and it was fairly awkward for me. It'd be nice if I could find a way to respond so if I bump into either of them socially it isn't awkward, but also clearly communicate I'm not interested.
Why not simply be clear that you'd be interested in a friendship but aren't looking to date? I once met a guy online, and after an hour of walking around a mall he turns to me and says, "You're a nice guy but I'm not feeling any chemistry here." I felt the same way and thanked him for his honesty (which I think surprised him a bit). Another guy dumped me after dating for a few weeks but we've been close friends ever since because he handled it with respect and honesty. Yes, I know you probably have enough friends, etc, but is that ever really true? And who knows -- if you open yourself up to a friendship with one of these guys -- and are honest that you're not romantically interested in them, you may very well meet someone through them who IS a match for you. Why not explore all possibilities?
when I've had this problem I usually say thank you for the compliment but in love with somebody right now and I'm not looking to date anyone else. Now that is been true for the last 5 years for me.I have in the past said thank you but I'm not looking to date right now. Either one has work well for me. I think there's nothing worse for these guys to hear the old do you want to be friends routine when you have no intention of being friends with them. That is why I never tell him we can be friends. If it seems like we can be friends then so be it. That is just not happen to me. Hope I was able to help, June
Hm what June said seems the best option for me if you're not really interested in friendship (thanks for the compliment but I'm not looking to date right now). Please be honest and as resu said, don't play hard to get or be ambiguous. Lately, I've been way too much on the other side, and it feels awful when they're not clear enough...or when there's no response Best of luck and wishes
Thanks for the feedback. I should add that I am single and that I am interested in dating (I just don't find myself interested in either of these guys). I really don't want to lie and say I'm not looking to date right now or I'm in love with someone else, because neither of those is true (if it was that'd make this a lot easier). In terms of friendship, I'm not opposed to it. I always like making new friends. At the same time, I don't like to force new friendships, I like them to develop organically. I feel like the "lets just be friends" is a somewhat standard way to reject someone, but I also don't want to promise friendships (I had a bad experience with that in the past, where the guy wanted to be my best friend and spend tons of time with me). I think the best thing to do is to communicate that I'm not romantically interested. I don't want to promise friendship (or use the phrase "I just want to be friends") because I don't know if that's true. I'm open to it if that happens, but want it to develop naturally. I think communicating that I'm not romantically interested is the first step (even though they haven't explicitly asked me out) and go from there ...
