So this is the deal, my boyfriend and I use to have the most amazing relationship! It was fun, we talked a lot, we put a lot of time in for each other, and skyped all day every day. That's been changing lately. We barely talk, the most we talk is in the morning before school, sometimes we don't even do that. Then after school I'll text him and he either doesn't answer at all or he answers with "hi", "k", "yeah", and things of that sort. When im home and on my pc its a little better, but barely because he doesn't usually get on until 5pm+. Then he gets on his game and then there's barely any chance of having a conversation. Then he plays until he goes to sleep. So really our longest conversation in any day is in the morning when we have about and hour to talk. Of course if it's not a morning that he slept in, didn't charge his phone, or has to do his homework on the bus. Then there's no legit conversation being held up usually that day/ We use to Skype alllll the time, now every time I ask there's always an excuse not to do it or he just doesn't want to. I recently met this guy, great guy, tons of fun to talk to. We do kinda flirt here and there but it was discussed, he respects that I am in a committed relationship and I respect that he is going after this other guy he likes! In fact this is exactly what he said to me once: "Haha yeah see and people would probably call us home wreckers but really we are respecting each other's space and not getting in the way of each other's people we like" He's great, we talk all the time, we have great conversations, and really it's what I've always dreamed my current boyfriend and I would be able to act like and talk like. He treats me with so much respect, kindness, and humor! Hell he even puts in the work to make me feel better about myself! I realized that I should be feeling that from my boyfriend, but I'm not... All I'm feeling from him is the sense of being ignored sometimes, pushed away, and like he doesn't like me as much anymore. But don't get me wrong we have amazing times together still!! Just not as much as before. I've literally cried myself to sleep on certain days because I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much and it is my greatest fear to ever lose him, but the relationship isn't like it use to be anymore... What do I do guys? You are my last hope...
That brings up another point I forgot. Whenever I try to talk to him about an issue with our relationship, he gets angry. His reasoning is because he doesn't like talking about it. So I can never communicate it with him without him getting defensive.
Well I would try and make sure he's not cheating on you cause I'm sorry to say it but it's a possibility.
I believe he isn't. I use to have those thoughts and he proved to me otherwise in several different ways. I trust him in that aspect.
Relationships take continual work and communication, especially ones where you're not face to face. You sound like you're willing to put in that work. It seems to me like he isn't and that's a concern IMO. More of a concern than his being distant. People are allowed to have times when they need space or have too much on their plates, and that's fine. But y'all should at least be able to talk about that and make sure that this is in fact the case. Otherwise, as the title of your post said, you will be stuck and the relationship won't be going anywhere.
A relationship is something both parts are in. As biwinning said, he does not seem to be putting any effort. You are entitled to communication and to be able to talk about what's wrong.. It is possible that your boyfriend is not pushing you away but has a lot to deal with, but you should be able to discuss it and he should explain that to you... I know you love him and you guys share good moments, but are those few good moments really worth the pain and the tears ? That is your decision of course, but if he is not even open to communication, I will be blunt and tell you that a relationship doesn't go far, nor well, when communication is not an active part of it.
I would definitely tell him that you have some very big concerns about the direction that your relationship with him is going in, but don't come off as clingy when doing so. I'd also suggest maybe taking a break for a few weeks to see if things kind of calm down with him being busy to see if he'll make more time for you. Your decision fully though. Best of luck.
That brings up another thing. This whole week I've given him nothing but time. Im able to occupy myself by texting that other guy, it takes my mind of off the bad. I've mention skype once or twice, neither successful, and really I've talked to him less this week than I have for a while. He doesn't exactly try to do anything different, he just takes the time with no questions....
If y'all are in school and the semester is wrapping up now and your winter break is coming up, you can say something like "now that we're out of classes and such, I'd like to talk to you more because I feel like we haven't gotten a chance recently." See what happens when the pressures of school are off. If he's not wanting to spend a lot of his new free time talking to you, something's going on that you need to address.
That's true, Ill definitely think about doing that. We both did agree about a month ago that we would start being more involved with each other, but it's only gotten worseeee. gah :tears:
For better or worse, this sounds like it might be a crossroads for the two of you. I've done the distance thing, and when the communication slowed down between the two of us it was a sign of bigger things going on and forced us to address it.
I understand and I know it really really needs to be talked about. I brought it up three times yesterday, he ended up trying to ignore all of them... It's hard to fix this stuff if he wont even address it :icon_sad:
Im gonna bump this because im still having issues. I made this video about our relationship explaining how bad i want to fix all of this and how much he means to me, and he said it was beautiful and he even almost teared up... I thought things would improve. But he's still quiet, he wont make a lot of conversation without making me feel like I forced it on him, and I just dont know what to do... Meanwhile the other guy I was talkin about has been amazing.. He helps me with any issues i have, he's so nice, he makes conversation, and when I'm down, he'll do anything to help. For example I was really depressed a couple days ago, and he kept calling me until I answered so I could have someone to talk to and help me out... He makes me feel really good... Shouldnt my bf be the one doing that?? I couldnt imagine a future without him, the thought of it brings me to tears. And I know my bf doesnt completely not care, he still tries to help sometimes and make conversation, sometimes.. But one thing is really upsetting me... A couple days ago when I was depressed, we were on skype, and he knew I was crying. He kept saying my name and was like "Stop crying! Be happy". I didn't give a whole lot of response, but instead of really trying, he said "Fine, we're not talking anyway!" And immediately ended the call and turned off his computer.. Leaving me there in tears, then ignored most of my texts. Then I tried talking about it and he said something like "Yeah I know I'm not a good boyfriend and why my relationships never work outt! Thanks for pointing that one out to me!"... Which makes me kinda think deep and debate that maybe he's just actually not good with relationships, maybe it's not my fault. Maybe I can still fix it! Im being torn apart here and i dont know what to do!!! I love him so much, but it's not healthy right now..
Yes, your boyfriend should be the one that does that. Jake, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you over-idolized your bf right out of the gate(i could be wrong, but this is just the impression I got). That compiled with how most relationships work, a big flame at the beginning followed by a slow burn, just makes this seem like a REALLY big lull in the relationship. Plus from some of the other things you've said I get the vibe you're the only one putting any effort into the relationship I'm not sure what the solution is, but, sadly, if he's not willing to talk about it, I'm not sure what you can do. Maybe he's just over-stressed with finals and you can work with him about it over break? As far as your other friend is concerned: Be careful, very careful flirting it cheating's cousin. If it gets really bad, just make sure you're not hiding anything from your current bf and don't sugar coat anything for him. It'll make things a lot easier, no matter the outcome.
I understand, I an super careful. I wouldn't dream of cheating. The day I officially cheat on someone is the day I lose all self-respect and pride. Ugh I just wish he would put more effort into our relationship...
