Hey, my name is Richard, I’m 15 years old and am English student going to school in an American school because of my dad’s job. I’m gay but closeted, which makes things somewhat awkward because a lot of the girls at my school really like me, possibly only because of One Direction, and I dread having one of them ask me out and me having to reject them. So basically there’s this australian guy that I’ll call Nik. He came to the school last year, but I didn’t even know he existed until he joined the swimteam this fall. I began to notice that he would sometimes stare at me then quickly look away when I looked at him and got nervous whenever I spoke to him. Those were just textbook signs that someone likes you, so I assumed he liked me. At the time, I didn’t really have much interest in him. Eventually though, I got to know him and decided to invite him to the movies. It was pretty awesome. He was just so cool and funny, I started to develope feelings for him. Then the next week he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies again. So we went, and the entire movie I noticed that he was trying to surreptitiously look at me while still looking like he was watching the movie. Afterwards we went back to my house and played pool and had a good time. At the time, I was certain he liked me, so later that day I sent him a text basically saying that I was gay and liked him. He responded saying that that was cool but he was straight and that we could still be friends. Now that I think of it, he was really cool about it. Of course I was upset, because at the time I was so sure he was gay. It was the same feeling when you look over a math test again and realized you missed the stupidest question. This was basically the first time I ever had interest in someone only because of their personality and little quirks, not just because I found them attractive. Now I just can’t stop thinking about him for some reason. I’ve never had to deal with this kind of rejection before (where as I seriously liked someone, not something like asking out the the dance). I suppose the fact that I was so sure but ended up being wrong just subliminally urks my brain. I respect that he’s not gay, and I’d be more than happy to just stay friends, but I’m having a hard time thinking about him in a non-gay way (is that a word?) and am afraid that I won’t be able to only see him as a friend. Now everytime we go to swimming or have to meet in the halls he kinda gives me this strange, embarrassed look, and I’m afraid that he feels awkward because of what I told him. IDK if there’s a specific question in this rant, but I just needed to tell someone. Pardon any differentiations in spelling, I’m still learning American spellings so bear with me.
One thing that has worked for me with a straight guy who I had a crush on before we became friends was to remind myself of his negative quirks to realize he's just a human being and not some perfect ideal. One time he made a slightly sexist remark about the leggings/sweatpants that lots of girls at my university wear are not "real clothes" like skirts (he's Mormon), most likely because he considered them sexually suggestive. In my mind, I thought the same thing was true for him and other athletic guys who wear gym shorts and other very casual clothes; though, I'm not complaining... Overall, it was just another sign (besides the fact he's been married for five years) that he's completely straight and thus not interested in guys. Since this Australian guy seems very accepting (for a straight guy), you should say that it's hard because you want to remain friends and don't want him to feel awkward. Even though he's straight, he should know how hard it is to be rejected by someone you like.
It's a good thing that you found out early in the friendship, before you started to REALLY love the guy. Just continue to be his friend and look for someone else If a girl asked me out (and I wasn't interested), I would just say: "Sorry, I like boys. But please don't tell anyone" but I would only do that if I trusted said girl.
