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My friend makes fun of me cause I don't have a boyfriend!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dewey, Dec 16, 2013.

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  1. Dewey

    Dewey
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    Ok, so my friend, she's Korean, uses this term to me a lot called 모태솔로(motae-sollo) to make fun of the fact I'm 21 and have never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or had sex, or have been in any meaningful type of relationship. The word itself kind of means that since my birth, I've been alone or "solo". And while I know she's joking and doesn't mean any harm by it, it kind of hurts because I'm already really sensitive about not having any experience in the realm of love anyway. Like, I'm always the friend who is on the sidelines while everyone else has dates and/or are off living happy lives. And I'm kind of wondering if I am really as sad as she is making me out to be? I mean, I am 21. And unfortunately, I'm still far off from dating comfort-wise...but that sucks because I'm also so incredibly lonely and I long to have some sort of connection with someone. It doesn't help that I don't think anyone has ever shown even minute interest in me. I'm just so miserable and hate the thought of being alone forever. Any advice?:icon_redf
     
    #1 Dewey, Dec 16, 2013
  2. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    I feel for you.
    I also wish I could find someone :frowning2:
     
    #2 WhiteShadows, Dec 17, 2013
  3. Munyal

    Munyal
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    Story of my life :dry:

    I blame Catholic school and my propensity for sarcasm and randomly taking writing utensils from people.
     
    #3 Munyal, Dec 17, 2013
  4. resu

    resu
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    You should tell your friend to stop using that word. You don't have to listen to it, especially from someone who claims to be a friend. A lot of people assume that everyone else should act just like them, which is wrong. I'm going to be 25, and I am in the same boat. Luckily few people ask about my personal life, but I don't need anyone to tell me that I'm a loner or all the things I'm "missing out on."

    The main thing to remember is that you will absolutely not be alone forever. You will find someone, someone who will make all the lonely years before your relationship seem like no time at all. The thing is you will also have to put yourself out there and try to go "fishing" for guys. You may come up short many times, but everything you do will be worth it in terms of experience and gaining confidence. Try talking to some gay friends, not as dates but just to share your insecurities.
     
    #4 resu, Dec 17, 2013
  5. Dewey

    Dewey
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    Thanks Resu, I feel a bit better now. :slight_smile: I'll take your advice!
     
    #5 Dewey, Dec 23, 2013
  6. Silenthe

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    Hey Dewey,

    Just wanted to show my support for you. I relate to how Crushing it feels when someone makes fun of you for being single. It's incredibly cruel and insensitive when someone does that, as though one is worth Less for not having had "experience." Our culture places such pressure on us to "be with someone," which does not make sense, because so many couples are unhappy, and I think it's worth it to wait. You are Not "sad." I'm sure that you are a lovely person, much better than your "friend." She rates very low in my book right now.

    Just hang in there, Dewey. It'll happen. And until then, what helps me is to just keep busy and try not to think too much on it. Spend time cultivating yourself, your kindness, and your sense of fun. I know how difficult it is. I sometimes feel like a third wheel when hanging out with friends who are couples, and I tend to avoid places where lots of couples hang out. So I too am working hard on not feeling like I'm worthless and sad for not being with someone. What helps me the most is that when someone does say something so insensitive, instead of feeling sad, I feel ANGRY at them (even if I don't express my anger to them). So cultivate your anger. Be a rebel! Wishing you well.
     
    #6 Silenthe, Dec 24, 2013
  7. sam the man

    sam the man
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    I second all the advice above. Maybe you should talk to your friend and explain why that remark was so insensitive- like a bull in a china shop in fact- and why it's made you feel so down. It's quite possible she didn't mean anything malicious by it, but sometimes people say certain words and it just strikes a nerve in us. A lot of people have been there. Basically, it could have been bred from ignorance and short-sightedness as much as from aggressiveness. If that's the case, just put her on the right track by explaining that that really hit you in a weak spot and it was a very stupid thing to say.
     
    #7 sam the man, Dec 24, 2013
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