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[Terrified, yet excited...]

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by nickelmack, Dec 17, 2013.

  1. nickelmack

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2013
    Messages:
    2
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    Location:
    Tennessee
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't quite know where to start, so I will just dive right in... I am 25, and up until two months ago, I thought I was straight but curious. I've had two long-term, 4+ years relationships with men (living together, talking about marriage, etc), and they have been my only partners. Until I met her.

    I have always just been... me. I labeled myself as straight, even though I don't particularly love boy parts. I have always known I could love anyone, regardless of their parts, given the right person. I have always appreciated attractive women, but I feel that I equally appreciate attractive men.

    I never, ever expected that I would or could actually fall for a girl. Maybe that is the hardest part... actually experiencing the things I have always said I would be ok with.

    We met through work, although technically it started as a virtual romance, since we work for the same company but in different states. We just hit it off one day. I started to realize that I looked forward to talking to her... all the time. Before I went to bed at night, when I woke up in the morning, and every possible moment in between. She gave me butterflies. She made me laugh constantly. I finally admitted to myself this was something much more than just being friends.

    Insert all of the usual clichés about feeling angst and friends worrying about me jumping into something too fast...

    We decided to meet. She drove to my house and spent the weekend with me. It is the most fun I have had in... years. She makes me feel like I can believe in all those Disney romances again, like I can be carefree and happy again... The first time we kissed, it's like things just clicked into place. Suddenly things about me made sense. I had no idea I could feel this way, that someone else could impact my life so much. Everything with her is so easy and fun and.... normal. We went grocery shopping, we watched an unhealthy amount of Netflix, we cuddled... I never wanted the weekend to end.

    I feel zero regret. I can't wait to see her again. I miss her kisses already. I feel like I need to feel something... negative? Like I should be talking myself out of this. Why do I want to go down this road? Why do I want to subject myself to ridicule and judgment? My family probably won't understand. I am nervous about "coming out." I am slightly terrified of walking down the street holding hands... but everything with her just feels so natural and wonderful.

    I suppose that right now, I don't really have a point. I don't have a general complaint or concern. I searched for a group so that I can feel connected to others like me... this is all so new and different... how can I just feel like I have belonged here all along?? Is it really as simple as me opening myself to the possibility of loving anyone that is worth it? She is worth it. Good god, she is so worth it.