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How to deal with people who think they are being supportive, but actually offensive?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Skov, Dec 17, 2013.

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  1. Skov

    Skov
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    Hey everyone!

    So, I've recently came out to my sister and while says she accepts and supports me, a lot of what she says is actually quite offensive. Like she always asks if I'm sure, which I've explained to her that I am many times. Also, today I was talking about my best friend (a girl) who is super awesome and everyone like thinks we are dating and I jokingly said, "If I were straight, I would wife the :***: out of her." My sister replied, "Well you never know. Things can change." It really pissed me off and I informed her of her error even though she tried to correct ME, the person who's actually gay, by saying "she knows." The other thing she does is that she just talks about being gay as like some sad hardship. Like I know it isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but I'm actually pretty happy with who I am. It just bothers me that she's "being supportive," but so offensive at the same time. Do you think I should say anything to her? If so, what do you recommend?
     
    #1 Skov, Dec 17, 2013
  2. method

    method
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    Re: How to deal with people who think they are being supportive, but actually offensi

    Yep, just tell her what you told us here. I think it's more ignorance than anything. That's awesome you're able to talk with her freely about being gay.
     
    #2 method, Dec 18, 2013
  3. bluesky

    bluesky
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    Re: How to deal with people who think they are being supportive, but actually offensi

    nah it's not about ignorance. the thing is that straight people don't completely understand the simple gay things... it's simple because we are gay ourselves so in our head we know what it's like. some believe that you "turned" gay at some point in your life and that you can "change." I think your sister just doesn't understand it much and she's new to it as you're new to coming out. you can't expect her to understand everything you're going through, that's why you got to be patient with this. trust me on that. don't take it as she's wanting you to change... maybe because she sees how gays struggle and maybe she doesn't want that for her brother so she tried to he optimistic by telling you that it could "change." that's how I see it. coming out is a learning process for you and the people you're coming out to. I'm sure you came out to her because you trust her right? so work on that, explain more about how you feel and where it all comes from... help her understand YOU so that she doesn't say the wrong things to hurt you. I'm sure what she says is because she doesn't completely understand you. I hope this helps!
     
    #3 bluesky, Dec 18, 2013
  4. method

    method
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    Re: How to deal with people who think they are being supportive, but actually offensi

    Maybe ignorance wasn't quite the right word to use, I'm not sure. I mean it in the way you describe - that she doesn't understand what it means to be gay etc. and that she's ignorant of that perspective. The ignorance in this case is not a negative description.
     
    #4 method, Dec 19, 2013
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