1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do I help my mom understand?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by nickelmack, Dec 18, 2013.

  1. nickelmack

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tennessee
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have only dated men, but I have always been very open about my belief that I can love anyone if the right person were to come along. I have recently met this amazing girl. I hedged the topic with my mom... "So, I've met someone..." "Oh, how did you meet him?" "Well, she is a girl." ...... :kiss:

    At first, my mom really opened up. She told me that being with another woman isn't "for her," but that she had a best friend in college and they had so much fun together, and if she had ever considered being with a girl, it would have been this friend. She hugged me and said she just wants me to be happy, etc.

    About a week later, she randomly called me... she had found my girlfriend's facebook page and done some "stalking." She said she had no idea what me and this girl could possibly have in common, she thinks the girl looks dirty and isn't pretty enough for me... I know this is new for my mother as well and I'm sure she is freaking out. I took that into consideration, and instead of getting defensive, I told her that I appreciate her concern, and that if she has a valid worry about my relationship in general, her opinion is always welcome. I told her that she had made her point and asked that she not bring up any other superficial thoughts. She accused me of being defensive and ended the call.

    Later that day, she blew up my phone with texts, about how she knows I am extremely smart and she just doesn't want me seeking "attention" and she wants me to make good choices. She brought up again that "that girl" is not pretty at all and she cannot for the life of her figure out why I would be attracted to her... (her words, no need for me to exaggerate, unfortunately. :bang: ) When I replied that I think my girl is adorable and wonderful, she responded, "That's what worries me." :***: !!!!!

    As I'm just as new to the idea of dating a girl as my mom, I am completely lost. What type of conversation am I supposed to have with her? Of course I seek my mother's approval... of course I want her to be proud of me... but I feel she is just being unreasonably hateful. I want to avoid this being something we will always fight about. I suppose I'm not sure exactly what my entitlements are as opposed to her motherly concerns?
     
  2. TJ

    TJ
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,833
    Likes Received:
    299
    Location:
    Lawrence, KS
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're very well spoken.

    It might just take some talking to face-to-face with your mom to figure out what her issue is. You both sound relatively reasonable, so if you can have a civil discussion, try to figure out what's bothering her and just talk about it.

    Maybe you can open up her eyes a bit.
     
  3. SongshiQuan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2013
    Messages:
    296
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Can't seem to escape the former CSA.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is your mom usually overprotective? There's a chance that this isn't coming from a place of anti-gay animus, but rather from her (misguidedly) trying to "protect" from what she see's as someone who isn't good enough for you regardless of gender. Now, that being said it sounds like you care about your gf a lot and are happy in you all's relationship. Which means your mother's opinion shouldn't really matter. I get you want to have her approval, every child does. However, you shouldn't have to sacrifice your life to live the one she wants you to live. You're 25, your mom doesn't get to pick your dates/relationships. If it makes you happy, she'll see that and start to come around.