I want to transition, how can i tell my gf?

KayTmayy · Dec 18, 2013

okay, so tough spot im in...

im 19, male, but want to start transitioning to female (or at least working toward it) and i only have a few things holding me back now.

1. my mother. i tried talking to her about it, i talking another thread about what happened too, so i dont really have any support from her (now) and am thinking about waiting until life at home calms down to even bring it up again.

2. money. without financial support from my mother (or until i find a job) i have no way to buy any clothes, make up, etc.

3. i dont know how to tell my girlfriend... now this is where it gets complicated, and where i really need some advice. im 19, shes 15 (i know, this in itself is a problem, but both our familys are okay with it, her mother trusts me, and i really have no intention of doing anything that could put me in a bad situation) i really care about this girl, and id do anything for her. i dont want to lose her, and right now, being with her seems more important than transitioning. but i still would like to do both, even though that may cause problems. im afraid to tell her i want to transition, for fear she'll break up with me. i just want her to love me for who i am, which im confident she does, but letting her know i feel like being a girl is really truly who i am on the inside might scare her away.....

any advice, talking, anything would be much appreciated...
thanks in advance... <3

drwinchester · Dec 18, 2013

Let me just say, I sympathize with you completely.

Coming from the other side of the fence (transitioning to male), I feel the best advice I can feel is to do what makes you happy. And that, in your case, is to be yourself, am I right? You're the only person who can decide what's right for you. And the best course, I've come to believe, is to surround yourself with people who will support you unconditionally.

You know, I feel coming out as trans has taught me who my real friends and family are. Have been lucky so far that the only rejection I've faced came from my family. So that's probably going to be the case for you- coming out, you may face rejection but you also might find there are people who will support you without question.

Tell your girlfriend. If she supports you, she's worth keeping. If she rejects you, you didn't need her. Tell her you're willing to answer any questions she'll have, help her understand what's going on. It's a big step for you but it'll certainly not be a small step for her either. Even if she is suppportive and sticks around, she'll probably have questions and concerns. Don't leave her to figure it all out on her own. I take it it took you a while to come to terms with yourself- it'll take her time as well.

And sorry about your mom. I can relate... But you are a legal adult. If you can, job hunt. Work towards independence. And if she doesn't come around, it's her fault she turned down knowing her daughter.

KayTmayy · Dec 18, 2013

i guess all that makes sense... especially where you said if she wouldnt accept me she wouldnt be worth it, but if she did, then she is worth it... im just afraid of the first possibility... i dont want to put our relationship on the spot... i dont know... ill sit on it a little while longer, talk to my therapist and such... see what he says.

thanks for your advice <3

I want to transition, how can i tell my gf?

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I want to transition, how can i tell my gf?

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