So I have gotten used to a certain degree of 'not-giving-a-shit' in terms of relationships over the course of my life. I've been pretty poor at keeping in touch with friends let alone caring about romantic entanglements. I've had crushes and things and wanted to be with a few people, but never anything like this. My best friend told me once that he imagined if I ever got a handle on my depression that I would start to see my sex drive and associated romantic desires start to rekindle. On the plus side, I've finally figured out one of the primary causes of my depression (Yay girlness!), on the other hand, the bastard was right. I. AM. SCREWED. See at the moment I am, for lack of a better word, desperate. I don't even have anyone particular in mind. But I can't get rid of this feeling of longing for someone, ANYONE. I'm trying to figure out what the heck my preference is at the moment, and that's driving me up the wall. Really REALLY badly. I can't decide if I want a guy, I like the male-female dynamic in relationships, or at least, the stereotype. I like the idea of curling up in bed and having my boyfriend climb in and cuddle me...heck I like the idea of watching TV while I do...stufff...to him and vice versa. But perhaps I want a transgirl...for so many reasons, but then I feel like I'm the only one around, and if I'm not I'm the only one my age. I've found ONE transgirl, who still happens to be miles away from me, who is my age and I have asked her to meet me at some point and she seems up for it, but I think that is more 'as friends' than as a date. I'd love to be able to just say "Hey Lucy, you remember how I said we should meet up some time so you can be dressed outside your house? Well how about we make it a date!" but I felt I had to ask permission to add my friend on facebook so that's not going to happen... See I get I'm not the most attractive person in the world and that's fine, that doesn't bother me, but I found out yesterday that my dating profile is getting and average of 50+ views a week and yet I've not had a proper message from anyone. Apparently you can be cute, but be cute and trans is kind of a turn off, no matter how much you have in common with someone. ARGH. Sorry that was kind of rambled and muddled. I'm just frustrated. I'm so lonely :tears:
(*hug*) I have never tried online dating, but don't feel frustrated that you have views, but no messages. Internet works in a strange way, there are lots of curious and bored people who don't exactly know what they want, and who lurk and read, but never interact.
