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I am terrified of what I will do when my parents aren't around anymore

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Beware Of You, Dec 21, 2013.

  1. Beware Of You

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    So I am a gay (well Genderqueer) only child, and I am terrified of what will happen when my parents aren't around anymore. They are the only family I have and I dont' think I can cope without them, I find it hard to make friends, being gay I can't have a family and not many people like me enough to date.

    I am planning of ending my life once my parent's have ended theirs, I just don't want to be alone. I don't want to be like 50 with no family or friends. Whats the point in living like that
     
  2. AKTodd

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    Family is a state of mind. You can have a family without having any blood relation to the people involved. As various folks have pointed out to you many many times, it is perfectly possible to produce offspring without being straight using various methods. To my knowledge, you've mentioned at least one or maybe two different boyfriends on EC, so apparently you are sufficiently datable to at least some people in this world.

    If you have trouble making friends, perhaps you need to work on that, possibly with the help of a professional. I would point out that having a few good friends is just as good as having large numbers of them.

    You seem to be implying that you love your parents so much that you can't stand to keep living if they are gone. Do you think that they would find the idea of you killing yourself out of love for them a positive thing or would that be the last thing they would want you to do?

    Todd
     
  3. scanner007

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    Beware of you,
    The same thought has crossed my mind. Purely selfish, to my own end. I'm not close to any family on my mother or fathers side. Mother's side is too old, and my fathers side is full of rich snobby narcissists. I have half-siblings as well, they are much older than me and they already have so many other half-siblings as their mother was married five times, I'm just another voice in the chorus to them, and they live half a continent away. So yeah I have nobody as well and so I've thought the same thing.

    My dad has already passed and my mom is 66 and in poor health. In some deep down way its almost a comfort to think that once my mom dies, if I wanted, I could just cook up a simple dinner, do up the dishes, take out the trash, take the dog for a quick walk, then drive him down and drop him off at the animal shelter....and finally after crossing that last item off my list...I can drive home and kill myself..or if you prefer...I can gently fade into the background of the mighty stage of life and beautiful as that final sunset I'll watch, I can melt into a thousand shades of color reflected across the still water of the lake before finally succumbing to the encroaching darkness, once and forever more knowing ultimate peace.

    Yes it sounds much better when I write it poetically instead of just saying I'll off myself with booze and pills. I even understand, one might not even feel depressed in the traditional sense. Not so much sad really, just pruning a weaker flower off the plant to give the stronger buds room and resources to grow. Like you said, if you're not useful to anyone, why stick around for your own sake, whats the point in that? Its a combination of fear of being alone, sadness, depression, a helpless feeling of not being able to build a family in the proper sense and that innate built in desire to be loved by anyone because to exist is not enough, one must be useful to someone and one must have someone who is useful to them to be happy.

    The problem with having all these dark, gloomy thoughts swimming around in your head is that they have their own dark, seductive quality. Almost like a tune that plays over and over in your head and if you're not careful, it can distract you from really, truly living.

    ― D.H. Lawrence
    So what do you do? You are the bird and you're freezing with fear, self-pity and loneliness all while a frustrating sense of helplessness numbs you in an angst-ridden wintery wasteland of the heart. -and feeling all this because unlike the bird, you're sentient, you're human. So what do you do? FLY SOUTH
    It really is as painfully simple as that. If you know your going to freeze on that branch and die, then do absolutely anything but stay on that branch and you'll probably be better off. Live outside your comfort zone and forage for food, fly south to warmer whether, look for a bird friend to keep you warm at night.

    Granted you're not a bird, so in human terms it means conquering your fear of living and building a charismatic self-confident fire within yourself that is attractive to others. It means taking steps to change things in your life positively. What prevents you from making friends and being in a long-term relationship with someone? You'll never get anything you want out of life sitting around wishing you had it. You have to go get it a little at a time until you see progress. Figuring out how to go get it, is part of the journey.

    Life is so very short anyways, conquer your fear of living and death won't seem so appealing to you, but when it is your time, you'll be ready to go because you lived a good life.
    GOOD LUCK
    PEACE
     
    #3 scanner007, Dec 22, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2013
  4. Beware Of You

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    But is being miserable for my life any better?