I'm in love with my straight best friend

aw hun, these types of situations can really suck. I used to be in love with my "straight" best friend for 5 years and it ended really badly. I remember getting jealous when she'd mention dating others etc. I remember trying so hard to impress her and wish day and night that one day she'd confess to some form of romantic love towards me. That never happened. To this day, we only wish each other happy holidays because I can't stand even being in the same room as her.

Anyway, I really empathize with your situation. It's really awful when you're in love with the unattainable. It's not that easy to fall out of love unless you part ways or get super rejected. You know that already though probably. The only thing that you can do now is 1) confess your feelings. Does he know you're gay? If you get rejected that's your time to move on. or 2) you can try to date some other people and hope to feel attracted to them so you can get over him. or 3) you can keep some distance and try to get over it on your own or 4) you can postpone all of the above to some later date/year.

But as you mentioned you are living together so maybe bringing up a confrontation could REALLY suck to have to see him all the time and know that he can't return your feelings

I wish you all the best.

 

james2993,
Probably the most common story in every gay man's life is what you're going through right now. Every one of us at one point probably goes through this to some degree. Once in a great while, one of us lucks out and the other person reaches a point of emotional connection that permits them to have some kind of a relationship.

Given that you say this guy is a man whore, I'd say that increases your chances slightly, from say 5% to 10%. I only say that because sometimes, depending on the guy, they might let you get physical with them if they don't have to reciprocate. (A freebie blowjob, if you will.) Which is some ways can be even worse because while its just a bit of fun for them, its pure love for you and can be more painful than nothing at all. In other words, you need to get any thoughts of a physical relationship out of your head, the whole idea probably disgusts him and though he probably is now at a point where he loves you very much and you are definitely much more than just a friend to him, it doesn't mean that he would be able to function with you sexually. Its not that he doesn't love you and care for you, its just so gross even picturing the idea in his head it turns his stomach.

At some point, you definitely need to come out to him, however I would definitely wait until you have a handle on your feelings for him. The good news is that if you're meant to be friends with him for years and years, the crush can fade and you can still enjoy a highly emotional relationship that can be quite strong. And when you finally do come out to him as gay, if he doesn't come right out and ask you, then he'll probably wonder it..and I would be honest with him. I would tell him that you think he's attractive and that if he were gay you'd be down but that you understand he's straight and can respect that.

The last thing I think you should consider, and really spend some time thinking about is looking at things from his point of view. Think about how close he is to you, and keep in mind he feels that way about you without any sexual attachment at all and he's invested just as much time in the friendship as you. I think it's important we gay men respect and honor that. Many of us fall for a straight friend and pine for them but ultimately when its finally revealed that the straight friend has no interest and the gay friend is finally "shut down", we sometimes kinda tend to lose interest in the straight friend and what are they left with? They thought they had a super close best friend, when it turned out they weren't really OUR best friend, our sex drive put them on the pedestal and when the hope of that goes, so does our interest in them. Thats one thing I hate about us, I think we owe it to those people to closely examine our friendships and make sure even if feelings can cloud our judgement somewhat, that we're sustaining friendships for the right reasons. Well, thats my opinion anyways.

I hope things work out for you.
Good Luck

 

I went through the same thing and it's still pretty touch and go! I completely get the living arrangement thing too, I have to live with mine for another 18months but then university ends and I don't have to face it anymore! You just have to think positive and try and see the best in other guys around you! I know that's what made me start to move on and get over it. Although I still get really down when he ignores me because it did ruin the friendship and it is hard. You see so many straight guy stories on here sometimes you won't get too many (favorable) replies, just stick with it mate, I'm always here if you want to chat

 

Hey James, I can definitely relate to what you're going through, and so can most other posters on here. I think you're actually in a good position here because you absolutely know he is straight. A lot of gay/bi guys try to project gayness onto their straight crushes, and that generally just results in more complications and heartache.

I also think you are in the right frame of mind to get over him. You said it yourself, he is not interested in you like that. He values you as a friend, but nothing more. You really just have to pound that into your head. He cannot possibly have the same feelings for you that you have for him.

Two other pieces of advice:

1. I realize you are closeted and that this might be difficult, but try to find someone who CAN reciprocate your feelings. In my personal experience, that is the single best way to get over a crush.

2. Once you get a handle on your feelings for him, come out to him. If he is truly your best friend, it won't change a thing. He will probably reaffirm that he is straight, and that will further help you get over him.

I know how much this sucks, but you'll get through it.