Hi there.... (I don't expect many people to read this, I just need to get this out) I have a very worrying problem and I need help.. :help: THIS SUBJECT IS TOUCHY (LITRALLY) Well Boxing Day is when family members come over at ours. (Nan, Granddad, Cousin ect) but see the thing is..umm. I really am not looking forward to it anyway because I have quite bad anxiety issues and something always goes wrong about this time anyway. Something always happens that ruins it. I am especially not looking forward to my Granddad for that matter... :bang: He's not biologically my Granddad, my "Dad" is actually my mum's boyfriend...he's really great and they have been together for I think about 4/5 years now.. but the first time I met my "Granddad" I didn't feel right... I have never had another Granddad before so I don't know If this is normal of not for them to do! I was abused when I was younger..so I dunno if it's just my being paranoid he's gonna do something. He seems quite...umm touchy to my sisters but quite a lot to me. :eek: It's not just me who's noticed, my older brother and my 16 year old sister has noticed it. On my 17th or 18th birthday we were having a BBQ and I was just in some black jeans and a shirt and well he suggested I get some shorts on but seemed really odd about it.. and said I'd look good in shorts. I said no for ages, then my Nan joined in and then after a while I just said yeah and ended up wearing them. But he always finds excuses to touch me...on the stomach, hip and he gropes me a lot.. it's normally when he gives me a hug he gropes me. The first time he did it I was really shocked and scared and I remember I got upset :tears: after in the bathroom because I thought *Oh no it's happening again* The last time we were all at their home well he kinda let it out but they were all drunk and I told my mum and my brother told my mum that in my brothers words "Is Creepy" but she hasn't spoken to my Dad about it.. or just spoken to my Granddad. Basically he was asking me some odd questions in front of my mum... I was quite down at this point and was fed up. He then after his ramblings and saying over and over how I have great legs came out with "Every time I woke up and went to the toilet in the morning when I woke up I'd think of you" or something like that. He went on but I can't remember. He had tears in his eyes when saying this...now you tell me why do you think of someone in the toilet eh? I know alcohol can make people say weird things but it makes them speak how they really feel. I don't know though. I just know I never feel right about him. He's never had Grandkid's before either...now he has all my sisters and then me. So maybe he just doesn't know what to do but then again...maybe It's me, after all I've never had a Granddad before (I have but I was young and he died and I don't remember his really) What do you guys think? I just am really dreading Boxing Day, Him especially. What do I do? Should I just speak to him about it? Should I just try and avoid being around him? He's a nice person....just a bit creepy tbh and normally I like creepy and weird people but not like this. AM I BEING STUPID??
if he does it again just say, what are you doing and let the conversation lead itself. If he says it was an accident just say was it an accident all the other times? Then if he says I'm just trying to be friendly say I don't appreciate it. Just remind him he's still lovely.
If you can do it, then tell him straight up. Next time he does/says something weird, ask him what the heck he's doing. You can't really justify behaviour like that by saying "Well he's never had grandkids" because be realistic, that's not a thing you do to anyone, shouldn't matter if you're related or semi-related or whatever, it's just kind of weird...
I dont think you are stupid & I can understand why being round your grandad would make you so stressed out given what you went through when you were younger. maybe I would talk to him if your comfortable doing that maybe have someone with you to back you up . hope it goes well .
Sounds like he is/has pedophile tendencies. You need to say something to your mums boyfriend. Get your siblings together and all of you talk to both parents. You need to be protective of yourself & your younger siblings. If no one listens next time he touches you or your siblings call him a "perve" or ask him if he's a pedophile out loud or tell him so others hear that family members don't talk or touch that way.. Its creepy & incestuous. Other option: all the kids stay home. You need to speak out before he does something worse. Hugs ---------- Post added 22nd Dec 2013 at 08:08 AM ---------- Ok somehow I missed the groping sentence. Tell him you will not hug him. Ever. Grampa's don't grope. Ever. Its called sexual abuse. No excuses. Thats what it is. Its making you feel shame & bad about yourself. You need to talk to a counsellor. None of you kids should be in his presence. Its possible that this is not new behavior for him. It took me 4 decades to speak out about my own sexual abuse. Don't wait. Don't let anyone tell you you are paranoid or crazy. Be strong and Brave,please! Use your voice!
Yikes, that sounds awful... if I were you I would have told him something like "this is sexual harassment and I don't have to take it", but I am not sure how well that would work if your family don't believe you. As mentioned by Rose27, get to a counselor or psychologist or something and try your best to get the strength to talk about this, maybe they might know what to do.
Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate your advice and take on the whole situation. I guess I'll just see what happens...and if he does anything that upsets me or makes me feel uncomfortable I might just sneak away up to my room for a bit and take a breath and then maybe speak to my mum. I want to just say to him sometimes or scream at him more like... I don't want to ruin everyone's good time and spoil it but then again if he does anything he'll ruin my night and make me feel bad. I'm in a pickle.. :/ I might avoid him..but it's impossible and my mum would get mad at me if I just stay in my room all night. I did think it was weird but I tried to reason with it and just saw it as me being paranoid as I'm afraid of being hurt again. I'll sort it out, either way I have a guess you could call her a counsellor in a way who will be seeing me after Christmas sometime. I could always ask for her opinion on it and what to do. Thanks so much everyone (&&&)
Sneaking away to a room is an invite to him. Lock the door! Don't worry about ruining a holiday. Thats what abusers do they use shame and mind games. Call your counsellor and if you say your grandad is abusing you you will get an appt before christmas or at the very least a phone call from councelor about what you should do. As you can tell this subject is a sensitive one for me too... I should read more carefully...the pervert is coming to your house. Do what is best for you. Turn down hugs. Stay away from him and advise siblings to do the same.
alcohol MAKES you do nothing, it may lower inhibitions, but if you say anything it was there before, he is the one doing this, drink is never an excuse. this man is in the wrong. Rose is guiding you just right, you have done nothing wrong and you need to protect your self. do anything you need to protect yourself, I don't care what it is. don't worry about "ruining" it for anyone, you are what is important here, you are under attack, defend yourself.
I am sorry this is happening to you. You really need to speak up and let him or someone know that what he is doing is really inappropriate. Okay, I understand saying that and doing it is whole different thing. Be that as if may, you do need to do something about it. I do not think you want it to continue being afraid each and every time he is around.
From my experience silence will only make the fear stronger. Please post this week so we know your ok. You have the courage inside to speak out. Like givepeaceachanc said you are the most important person. Value you! (*hug*)
Hi Boosh!! This is tricky. But the bottom line is his behaviour is unacceptable. If I were in your shoes, and he touched me, I might (in front of everyone) just pull away immediately and very simply say "..please don't touch me" or "please don't do that" in front of everyone so he is embarrassed. That may sound a bit weak, but if he is shown up in front of everyone then he may come to his senses. Also - you will feel good about yourself for not putting up with the unacceptable touching etc. It really is unacceptable !! Hope it goes OK.. (*hug*)
