I'm new to the forum, but I'm in need of some support. My wife and I got married about a year and a half ago in New York. We've been together about 5 years, which is by far my longest relationship. She's amazing, and I love her more than anything, but there are things that are causing us to grow apart. All of our friends think we have the best relationship, and we're supposed to be the model of a strong lesbian relationship. It's difficult to admit to them that things aren't what they seem. We used to have so much fun together, and we were great at communicating. She used to be overweight, and she decided to turn her life around. She has lost a lot of weight, but now she's addicted to the gym and weighing her food, and blogging about her weight loss. I'm really proud of her, but it's made very clear that that is her number 1 priority. We've talked about it several times, but things haven't really changed. It's still her top priority. I think I rank around 3 or 4. We haven't had sex in about a year. And the sad part is, I don't even want to anymore. It's like we passed the point where I wanted to. It's been so long, it's so awkward that I don't even know where to start. I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to hold her hand. We've become roommates. It sucks. On the bright side, I'm having great sex with myself. I know just how I like it. My job is going great, I'm hanging out with my friends more, I have some great PR times on my triathlons this year, so that's been good. When we got married, I didn't anticipate this. But I guess this is typical, and it's what I signed up for. It's the fine print that no one reads. It always gets you.
Life is hard sometimes. You know, things are going just fine (if not great) but there is always one thing which makes you think 'well, this sucks'. That's how life is, right? Yeah, that is the instinctive attitude and I think it might be the attitude that you have (either consciously or subconsciously) unless I've just misinterpreted what you wrote. If I did, I'm sorry! But marriage really doesn't have to be that way. There isn't a fine print and that's because, in truth, there needn't be one. I think you need a talk with your wife. I know you said that you've already tried this but I think you need to tell her how much it is affecting you. Maybe she needs to hear something like 'stop caring so much about your weight because you've already done a great job'. I know it sounds harsh but I think you might need to have that kind of more stern talk with her. Then, if you have time and you want to, you could try to have more fun with her. You could invite her to do things that you enjoy doing together or you could perhaps do something to bring you two closer romantically. Whatever you do, please don't give up hope because I suspect that you've probably got a good thing going on and 'regaining the spark' in your marriage is perfectly acceptable. Good luck!
Hi tritolive and welcome to this great forum!:smilewave It's great that you are proud of her. You do love her and I'm sure that you are telling her both frequently. Do you support her training and weight loss actively? It might be very important and even live-sustaining to her to loose weight which could be the reason why she is 'addicted' to the whole thing. Have you considered to follow her to the gym as her couch and cook her delicious and healthy meals, just to b a part of it? Maybe I'm completely way off, then I'm sorry. It was just a thought I had. Did you in fact tell her how you are feeling, that you are afraid that you two are growing apart? Hugs!(*hug*)
Thank you both for your response! These talks are tough to have, but I suppose it's time for another one. She's not one I'm willing to give up on. I guess this is just a rough spot. Most of out relationship has been so good, but this year has been tough. We'll see how it goes. Maybe we need couples counseling. I just don't know how to get that spark back, you know? This is new territory for me.
