1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Dating someone in the closet : Your opinion

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sarene, Dec 22, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Sarene

    Sarene
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Good morning everyone :slight_smile: Hope you guys are all having a nice holiday ! :wave:
    I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for now close to a year. I am 18 and she is 38. I love her more than anything, she is my world, I want to marry her and spend the rest of my days with her... No problem there.

    But, she is in the closet. Deeply. She is bi, she hooked up with girls before but I'm her first serious and long-term lesbian relationship, and it's going very well.

    Only one of her friends know we are together, although my friends all know, and she's open with that... Like she met few of my friends and we are openly a couple to them. Her sister knows by mistake, because they went to a show together and when they took picture, she swiped and saw pics of us kissing. She threw a fit that day, but is mostly silent about it now...seems to be accepting it, but doesn't really wanna hear about it.

    My girl is of greek origins, with old-fashioned (and old) greek parents. Because of a certain situation, she lives at her parents house for now, until she is financially able to leave and for us to get a place together (I have my own but we want something better )
    There is no way she could come out to them, as them only imagining her with a black guy made them threaten to kick her out and never see her again... :dry: they are extremely old-fashion and zero open minded, but, I mean, they are in their 70s, you can't change their minds. :eusa_doh:

    Because of all that, she can only sleep over once a week, and now that the holidays are coming, they keep asking her to bring her boyfriend over... when she says "he" can't, they say it's probably because he's a douchebag and she's ashamed of him... It kills me to hear those things. :bang:

    I wish I was able to show them how good I treat their little girl and how happy she is with me. But I can't. I have come to accept it, but I can't say it never bothers me. I wish I would be able to get kisses in the car, or holding her hand when walking around, etc. The problem is I live in her childhood neighborhood, where most of her family ( aunt, cousins, friend of family) still lives, and her car is of a big noticeable brand, and bright red on top of it.

    Sometimes I am scarred she will be tired of lying and will leave me... :confused:

    But whatever, relationships are a work of art, it's never gonna be 100% perfect but if you put in the effort, it's gonna be magnificent, and you are gonna forget about the little flaws. When we are inside, she is not paranoid or anything and she is affectionate and all. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: and she's a wonderful partner, closeted or not, she's worth it :love:


    I just want to know if others here are in my case, as I am out to everyone and never hiding it, I casually mention my girlfriend in conversations as someone would a boyfriend.

    I'd just like to know how you deal with it, or if you would never date someone in the closet you being out, or never someone all out if you are closeted, I'd like to hear about why :slight_smile:

    BTW: if this is not in the right forum, sorry, I wasn't sure ! :confused:
     
    #1 Sarene, Dec 22, 2013
  2. Sarene

    Sarene
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i guess no one is in the same situation or has an opinion about it ...
     
    #2 Sarene, Dec 29, 2013
  3. Chierro

    Chierro
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,059
    Likes Received:
    186
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well, I'm not in the exact situation but I understand how hard it is.

    Last year I was strolling around a chat website which may or may not be able to be mentioned. I met many guys, mostly older, but there was one guy that I hit things off with. It started off with a threeway chat with another guy who disapperaed from a messaging app we use to talk so we talked and we really hit it off. Then he vanished.

    Christmas day last year he talked to me again, apologized for not talking. He was dating some bitchy girl. We talked and vanished again. Then he was good for several weeks, we were back to normal. Then it happened.

    I was talking about my buddy matt who had been pissing me off. He thought I was talking about him. The name he had ALWAYS used was Joe...not Matt. He came clean and told me his actual name. Then we had our random stints of talking and not but I tended to get used to it.

    The big deal is he's not out. He's bi, buf out to no one. No friends, nothing. Months back he was considering it but I doutbt anymore. He also now has a girlfriend, despite me telling him how much I do care for him. It hurts much more than I let on. It hurts everyday that I go onto the app and see that messages aren't getting through and that it says his iPod has been off.

    It's been a year with this guy and it's hard. I just told my one friend, aforementioned Matt, about my Matt and it felt good to talk. With my Matt we're planning on meeting up this summer, just for anything. But I want to just be with him, I think he just wants some fun. I want a kiss, I want tha more than anything.

    But we'll never be. I won't be his boyfriend ever, it'll never happen. He's Catholic, has Catholic friends and family. He is terrified to come out. We live 3 hours apart and both times know where I've either gone to Philly or had the chance to, he hasn't been here. It hurts more than anything knowing that any day I could get the message saying, "I'm sorry but I have to break things off, friendship and everything for the good of my relationship. My feelings for you will just get in the way." I dread tha day more than anything if it comes.

    You're not alone with relationship struggles, I'm sorry I didn't help much but now you know you're not alone.
     
    #3 Chierro, Dec 29, 2013
  4. Saint Otaku

    Saint Otaku
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2013
    Messages:
    369
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, USA
    Well as a still "technically closeted" gayboy, I'm trying to avoid relationships because I don't want to be part of something so significant when I can't even work up the courage to tell someone who asks me my sexuality that I'm gay.

    Still, I'm a minor, male, and our situations don't match too well. I felt compelled to post at the sight of your sad little thread! :grin:
     
    #4 Saint Otaku, Dec 29, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)