In love with best friend. How to tell him?

Ok, not really sure where to start so I'll just go straight in.
Covered this a little bit in another thread, but I'll reiterate some of the main points.
In advance, I thank greatly anyone who takes the time to read this and come up with a reply.

I've known my best friend (let's call him N) since we were in primary school, and about a a year and a half ago I started to develop some strong feelings towards him, at first I wasn't really sure what to make of it, it was the first time I'd felt so strongly about anyone, even more confusing was that it was a guy, I'd known for a while that I was sort of attracted to guys but I'd never really felt anything to really confirm it until then. Anyway, we'd hang out quite a bit and occasionally get quite close. One time, we were watching TV and needed up being sat right next to each other despite having two sofas, and for a long time I struggled with trying to figure out if he felt anything towards me or whether it was just wishful thinking on my part. I'm still not entirely sure, but I have a feeling he could be gay, and there could possibly be something between us. Of course there is possibility that he isn't, but, to me, that seems slightly less likely. But again, this could just be me.

Anyway, fast forward to September, and by this time I've realised that I am actually in love with him. We'd had a few issues over the summer, such as him trying to avoid one on one stuff with me, but it looks like that's over, and our relationship has started to improve again. I'd been having some issues with another friend too, but he was just being a massive dick, and N helped me through that, and was there for me to talk to. But back on topic, We're both at university, around 90 minutes apart, so during term time we don't see each other much, and just after the issues with the other friend, and before we were going off to our respective universities, I finally found the courage to come out to him. I didn't tell him what I felt towards him, that, I think, would have been too soon, just that I wasn't completely sure about my orientation. I still am a little confused tbh, not entirely sure whether I am only attracted to guys or if it could be women as well, but that isn't really what I have the issue with.

I'm veering off topic again, sorry, anyway, N was, and still is, the only person I've told. He didn't seem to really be affected by it, he was accepting, we talked for a little bit and then he had to leave. I saw him again that week, and if anything, it's like it improved things between us, but it was only one day so...

Fast forward again, to November, and I'd asked him if he wanted to come and stay with me for a few days one weekend while I was at uni, as it was my birthday. He was busy on the weekend, but made time to come down on the Monday and stayed until Tuesday evening. We'd gone out to a club that night, and when we got back we shared my bed. We ended up pretty close during the night, and had ended up spooning at one point. Anyway, around 9am, we got up, I stayed half asleep for another few hours, and we spent the rest of the day watching films whilst sat pretty close together. I asked him if I wasn't too much of a nuisance during the night, like, by talking up loads of the bed or anything, and he said it was all fine, and that in fact he was awake for most of the night. That really confused me, if he was awake, then he probably would have realised and decided to do nothing about it, but I'm not too sure.

Fast forward yet again, and I've decided its time to tell him that I have feelings for him, and that I want to sit down and talk about it etc, I definitely feel that there could be something, but I'm not entirely sure about how to do this. I'm always a bit useless at this, in my head I come up with excellent ways of saying what I want to say or about how I would actually say it, but when it comes to it it becomes a lot harder. Of course, I could tell him and it turn out that he isn't gay, and I'll have to get over that.
So, my questions are, what do people make of all of this, and does anyone have any suggestions about how to go about telling him?

Thank again for anyone who's made it this far!

 

Thanks for the replies guys, they are greatly appreciated, and also for taking the time to read it.

WhiteShadows
I've also heard stories of where it doesn't turn out too well, thankfully however, he seemed OK when I told him that I was questioning, and probably gay, and he hasn't treated me any worse or different (different in a bad way that is), so hopefully he should be ok with me telling him that I like him. Obviously I will make it clear that if he doesn't feel the same way then that's ok. I think my main fear is that, when he knows, if there will be any negative effect on the friendship.
I have good reason to believe it will all be fine, but the possibility, and therefore fear, is still there.

JassonSC

I agree, it is better to let him know, and I will take the careful approach and let him know slowly. I have a New Years party to go to with some of my friends from university, and in invited N along as well, unless he is planning on doing anything with his family then he probably will come with me. It's also his birthday shortly afterwards so we'll undoubtedly do something for that too. Then he has university exams during the second week of Jan also. Would you agree that it's best if I wait until after all of this to tell him? If I let him know I want to talk to him about something but that I'd rather wait until after New Years and his exams, as I want us both to have fun and him not to be distracted from revising?

As to the sharing a bed, we were both very drunk, and it was early in the morning. So that could help explain it. I'm also not really that open about my sexuality, in my opinion I'm far from being stereotypically "gay", there are probably some things that could indicate it but very little, and as I said before he is the only person I've told. I've thought about letting some of my uni mates know but I'm not too sure, I know some won't care and have even said to me if I was then it would bother them, others I'm not too sure about, especially my housemates. There's a funny story there actually but I'll save that for another time.

Some things I didn't mention before but they could be important, N has never had a girlfriend, and whenever I've asked him if there's any girls he likes at uni, or wherever, he always says no. One time last year, I went to visit him at his uni, and his friends joked about how once when they were out at a club he avoided a girl who was interested in him. But that could have been for a multitude of reasons. Also, there was one time not long before September where one of our other friends pointed out how we'd make a good couple. There have been similar comments before but I can't remember them exactly.

Anonomous
As I said earlier in this post, he will probably be ok with it, as long as I approach the issue carefully.

 

It's been a few days, so I feel as though I should post an update for anyone that's interested. It's actually more just venting, but any replies are appreciated.

We hadn't talked much since Monday, but we did go out today with two of our other friends, and I noticed some things, in a way it made me happy because it reminded me of what it used to be like ages ago. As I may or may not have mentioned earlier, we'd had some issues over the summer, mainly with him trying to distance himself from me for a bit, for reasons, which, I'm my eyes, only fuel my suspicions about him.

Anyway, today was the first time in ages where we'd been out during the day, for no other reason than it was something to do, and he seemed much more, well, I don't know, relaxed, we would walk next to each other, sometimes quite close, he commented on how I smelt nice (new aftershave), we could have our own little conversations while walking with the other two, and he'd ask me if there was something in particular that I wanted to do, and little things like that. Of course I take all this with a pinch of salt, because there are other factors which could play into some of this.
But the biggest thing I noticed was that there was a lot more eye contact. Whilst we were eating lunch, we were all discussing films, yet while he was talking we maintained eye contact for some time. There were another couple of instances where I noticed him scanning the room and would once or twice stop at me before looking away once I'd realised.

Maybe this is all in my head, I just don't know, but somehow I kind of feel, deep down, like there could be something there, although that's not to say I am not going to prepare myself for every outcome. I've finally figured out how I want to tell him, by effectively laying all my cards on the table and letting him make the next move, Now it's just a matter of choosing when to tell him, it will be soon but I just can't think of an appropriate time to bring it up.

 

Hey,
Yeah, I do agree with you that I may be reading too much into some of it because I want them to. Most of it was probably nothing, but it was the prolonged eye contact which got me thinking. As for us being good together, you're not the only one that's said that lol.

I also agree with the approach you outlined. I will wait until after he has done his exams, I myself have three essays due in a little over a week, none of which I have actually started writing (I'm such a bad student :/) So I think it is a good idea not to add more stress.

Thanks, and I have no problem sharing how it goes. Hopefully I'll have good news.

 

Update (of sorts) - I don't really know where to start, so...

Anyway, I've seen N twice since Christmas, once was on New Year's Eve, I asked him to come to a party with me that was at one of my uni mates' house. That went quite well, at one point we were talking about how we'd known each other since we were around 6 and I told him that I was thankful for it. He ended up being sick so I made sure he was ok and put him to bed before doing the same to myself since I didn't want to leave him alone and I had to drive us home the next day.

The other time was yesterday, it was his birthday so our other friends and I went to his house for a few drinks. Anyway, during this time I managed to let him know I wanted to talk about something but that I wanted to wait until after he finished his exams and I'd submitted all my essays to avoid adding extra stress to myself and him. He said he will come back afterwards so I'll tell him then.

The problem is that I'm finding that the whole thing it's starting to get to me a little more than I'd anticipated, for the past week or so all I've been able to think about is him and what will happen when I tell him. I haven't really paid much attention to what I would do if the outcome isn't one I like, which is beginning to bother me.
I have however, thought a lot about outcomes that I would like. What I want to ask is, is it too much for me to ask him if he feels anything towards me? I'm offering complete honesty and I'd like the same back. Telling him what I feel is probably going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done, I mean, it took me half a day to tell him I may be gay when the whole purpose of his visit was for me to tell him. Even if he doesn't know himself what his orientation is I would much rather have him tell me that than just say that he doesn't like me when in fact he doesn't know. I feel like such a prick for even thinking about this but it's really beginning to affect me.

Lqqk007 - I appreciate your optimism, it's exactly how I feel, which could of course be quite bad if it turns out he doesn't feel the same way.

 

Update:
I did it, I finally told him. It was stressing me out all week leading up to it and it took me while to be able to actually say it directly, but I did it, it went better than I expected but...
We met up on Monday afternoon for a few hours and talked about a lot of stuff.
I told him how much he meant to me and how I was lucky to have him as a friend, about how women don't do much for me and that he was the one person who made me realise that I am actually gay, in the sense that he was the first person I've ever felt real emotional attraction to. If that makes sense?

Anyway, he said he had pretty much figured that out and he had thought about the possibility before given the way I'd acted towards him someone times. And here's the bad part, that he isn't gay. I did say how there have been many instances where he has given off mixed signals. His response was that he didn't want to cause any confrontation or anything like that. I texted him afterwards saying that it wasn't easy for either of us and I was grateful for the way he took it, and he replied saying he was glad that I was able to tell him what I felt.
Anyway, after I told him we started talking about me, and what I wanted to do next in terms of telling other people. He told me that he is happy to support me, and happy I trusted him enough to talk to him about it, and if I want him to be with me if/when I tell my family or anyone else then he will be.
I can't really say it turned out bad, it honestly went really well, when I was driving him home we talked about normal stuff and it wasn't awkward, and forgetting anything else I am really lucky to have him as a friend, but I didn't get the outcome I wanted. I really want to believe him when he says he isn't gay, so that I can try to begin to move on (how I'd even do that is beyond me right now, I guess I'll have to think about that), but a tiny part of me still doubts it. It seemed like the conversation didn't dwell on my feelings for him for very long when we should have talked a bit more about it, and when I tried to steer back to it it didn't last very long either. We decided to have a week to think everything and I am going to see him again next week. So I guess I could try and bring it up again after he's had a bit of time for it to sink in.

 

Yeah, I am really thankful he was so understanding, it was even his idea to meet up again in a week, normally it's mostly me suggesting things. And its not that I don't believe him, I do, but like I said a tiny, tiny part of me doubts it. It would certainly explain a lot, I mean, even my mum has asked, once or twice, if we were together.
But of course, there could be other things behind it, so I guess I'll just have to not give the idea much thought.

 

I agree with both of you, it is great that I have someone to support me. I really could not ask for a better friend, and I feel much better for having told him, even if he doesn't feel the same way, although that has been troubling me a bit, but I'm finding that if I keep my mind occupied elsewhere it doesn't become too much of a problem.

JasonSC, I in no way feel rushed, of this I can assure you, I have no desire to rush into anything without thinking it through. I wouldn't dare tell anyone I'm living with at uni yet, while they say they don't mind, I have a feeling that if it was somebody they were living with, they may not take too kindly to it, which is unfortunate. But fortunately they have absolutely no idea. In fact, the more that I think about it I have no burning desire to tell anyone else really, I don't see how it will make any real difference right now, but that could just be me.

You are right, I do wish to elaborate more on my feelings for him, and I will take your advice not be forceful with it, if I get the slightest hint he is finding it a bit too much, I will lay off, but I do want him to know. Forgetting any romantic feelings towards him he is still the one person whose friendship I value the most and couldn't live without, and I want him to know that.
We'll hopefully be doing some things next week, if anything interesting happens I will post an update. (if anyone is interested that is)

 

Well, it's been a while, but I figured I'd post in here since it's effectively the same topic.
An update, if you will, a late, late update.
We did see each other again, he came back home for the weekend, we went to the cinema and also spent a day together, talked some more about the whole situation etc, and both went off back to our respective universities.
Jump to 6 or so weeks later, and I feel that I'm struggling to move on, I know it will take time, and I do feel a tiny bit better about everything, but I still find myself thinking about him a lot, and in all honestly I think I am still hung up on the idea that he may reciprocate some of the feelings I have but that he is unable to accept this for whatever reason and so denies it.
I've been spending some time thinking over everything, and some of the stuff that has gone on still to me just leaves me confused and unsure about everything.
I mean, he's coming to spend the weekend with me only a month later and we will likely be sleeping in the same bed, spending lots of time alone together and so on. It just seems a little odd. Is it possible that there could still be something, or have I managed to hold on to a really good friend who acts no differently (actually, probably bit more relaxed if anything) towards me despite knowing my feelings for him. I don't know.
I'm inclined to lean towards the latter, there could be something, probably not, only time will tell, but, I'd still like some other opinions?
And hopefully this can be of help to other people who read this too.

P.S. Sorry for any errors or stuff that seems to ramble, I'm tired and have work in 6 hours :/