Hi everyone, So i am a little new to the scene, dated way too many men before i got the ah ha moment. I had one other girlfriend before my current ex. We were doing long distance and its been over a year before we broke off. Though i was supposed to move once my contract with work is over in late 2015. We loved each other and i am pretty sure that we still do. I am sure of that because even though it was long distance we made sure to let each other know how important the other is as well as talk about our respective careers and goals. We supported each other through hard times and tried to skype and write letters or send little gifts even though the time difference is 6 hours or so. We had our own lives but we tried to help each other grow too. Everything was going well until i refused to sleep with her and i had unintentionally pushed her away. I could not really relax or even let her touch me at times. I have a history of sexual abuse and i thought i could deal with it and then it will be ok if i feel safe. I do feel safe with her but yet i could not so i am pretty sure she thought she is just not it for me. I know this made her feel more like a roommate or someone who was just that and especially since she has a higher sex drive then me. We had to break up because she felt that if we could not even bond whenever i do make the trips then it would be useless and told me that now she loves me but is not in love with me. However she told me she still wants me in her life and that i am important to her. The saddest thing is that i do want the whole intimacy thing with her but something always stops me. I feel like i have destroyed a very good relationship all because i did not let myself heal or resolve my sexual abuse problem. However after the break-up it was a wake up call for me and i am slowly healing. Been going for therapy sessions etc.. I can tell the difference that i have changed and am changing. I am not there yet but i am getting there. I have even been putting my energy into my career and am planning on a new business so yes the break-up was a good wake up call for me. However it feels like there is something missing, an ache or i wish i could just share it with my ex. She is still the first person i think of telling anything good or bad or call when i am sad. She is my best friend i suppose and her dogs are like my kids too. They adore me. My question in this long rant is... i want to ask her for a second chance to show her that i can change and have changed but due to my management training program and our distance i can only see her next year perhaps in august. How do i show her that i am changing and eventually have changed being as far away as i am? I still love her so much and i know she loves me too. I know i have hurt her by pushing her away and not meeting her needs when she tried so hard. I feel that i should wait till i change so i know i can meet her needs and give her what she wants as i want her to be happy but i am afraid that the distance and time may cause the feelings to disappear especially since she is more cautious now. Is there any hope for me? How do i get a second chance and show her that i finally understand and want to change? That i am doing what it takes to heal myself? I am doing it for both myself (there has been relief, i no longer feel disgusted or angry about myself) but i am not going to lie and say it is not for the relationship too. That i regret hurting her and that should she take a chance on me again, i can prove that i will be worth her time this time. Is there any advice? We just broke up 2 months or so back. Though we still text everyday and call quite often (almost feels like things havent changed but there is still a wall that i can feel between us). Anyone who had a history of sexual abuse while in a relationship broke up, healed themselves and make it work? I feel lost despite having newer things such as my career hitting off.:help:
Have you told her about what happened to you? I think if she knew then it would help her be more understanding and I also think maybe you should tell her everything you just wrote; take your time to truly think about what your heart desires and if you still want to be with her then tell her. Oh and I cannot imagine what you must have been through and I'm sorry about the pain it has caused you. I wish you good luck and strength to your career and your relationship.
Thanks for your reply. Yes she knew i had been abused before way earlier before we started the rs. Not sure if that will help though
