So last Friday, Christmas break began. Me and my girlfriend Kelsey agreed upon texting at 7:00PM every night. Because we are in a longish distance relationship and we rarely see each other outside of school functions. Texting is our main communication method. It's sort of important. So we had a nice conversation on Friday, the day break started. And then she didn't text me Saturday until after 10:00PM saying "Sorry I didn't text". In the morning i told her it's okay, assuming it was a one time deal (we usually miss a night here or there). Saturday night however here in Michigan we got freezing rain, and Sunday morning it was reported that people all over my area wouldn't have power again until after Christmas. Seeing as Kelsey lives out in the middle of know where, I took her lack of texting on Sunday as a result of her maybe not having power. She texted me Monday to inform me she was fine, had only lost power for an hour, and was just busy. She sent me two other texts in the span of two hours. That's not a conversation. So then last night, I hear nothing again. I was actually quite upset. I feel like a fucking doormat. I don't even get a "Can't text until..." or a short "goodnight" text. I get nothing. I guess I am just shit to her. So while sobbing i texted the following: "...why is this acceptable? Why do i even bother Kelsey? I get it if you're busy, legitimately busy. But for fuck sake. Not even a "goodnight" text? Or a "hey won't be texting until..."? But no. I apparently don't get that from you. I get fucking silence and uncertainty and that really hurts." (9:23PM 12/24) "It really stings. Am I just shit to you? Is that what i am? Seriously? Kelsey, I can't take this. I'm sobbing my eyes out texting this. Why? Just give me a reason or something? This is not working...I can't take the stress. I don't know whether to be mad or worried. I'm just shit to you." (9:48PM 12/24) "How would you like it if i just ignored you for four days? How would you like it? Would you feel great? Would ya? I can't take this. I can't take this. I can't take this." (9:51PM 12/24) I don't know what to do. Oh, and tomorrow is our 15 month anniversary.
Hi, I'll be honest. If I got texts like those, I would distance myself pretty quickly (actually it did happened to me and I did that). The tone of the texts is demanding and starts to feel like emotional blackmailing. You want her to feel bad, to punish her. She may have problems with her phone, or she may be among her friends and family and have a good time full of activities when times flies really fast. Don't show her how dependent you are on her. A Christmas break is not that long. Can you imagine the world without texts and the internet? Can you imagine exchanging just letters? We all became terribly dependent on the instant communication and it destroys our relationships. There are misunderstanding because of the limited length of the texts and also drama like this. Let her breathe. You can't demand attention. You can only push her away. ((hug))
@Nick07 It would be blackmail if she had told me in advance that she wouldn't be able to text for a week and i argued that reality. I am dependent on her, I love her, she'd helped me out of some real tough stuff. If there is an emergency or a phone issue, I'm not going to hold it against her. I asked her to let me know when i can call her, because i guess that's the only way to fix this mess. I may be dependent on her, but she isn't my world, and considering the fact that i'm about ready to tell her to find a new "girlfriend" is proof of that. I have enough respect for myself to know when I'm being used like a doormat. For her sake I hope she's having a phone issue.
Charlie, I understand that and I had been in a similar situation in the past. But from what you wrote it seems to me that you are angry and want to punish her. That is not a very good reason to break up. Just consider that she may have very different time schedule that swept her off her feet (yes, she may have a great time, which sucks because you don't). I just wanted to tell you that by texts like those you could only drive her away. If I forgot my phone at home and after coming back I found texts like those, I would not texts back, even if I had wanted to do it prior of reading them. I know that you are pissed and anxious because you don't know what is happening, but I am afraid the only thing that you can do is to send her one nice text a day and wait if everything goes back to normal when she comes back.
My mom is even telling me to break it off with him. [Kelsey is MtF]. Because this isn't the first time she's done this. It makes me really angry. Not at her. But at myself. Because for the life of me I can't stop thinking about her when everyone around me is telling me to drop her like the insensitive rock she is. It's a mess, some ground rules need to happen. I decided that I won't text her anymore. I left off with "let me know when I can call you" and if she doesn't contact me by Friday, I'm ending it when we return to school on the 6th, I'm done being her stupid doormat. It hurts. Plain and simple.
Yeah, it may be a good opportunity to find out how you are feeling about your relationship. Good luck
Actually, she just now texted me. I'll update once i figure everything out. Sorry if I was rude, I'm just upset. Be back later. (I think things will be okay).
Okay. So last year around Christmas, Kelsey was horribly depressed. And this year she was just trying to make up for lost time because she came out of depression several months ago. So she was extremely busy trying to enjoy her family. She was sooo busy she couldn't even inform me of this fact. She said I was overreacting, and needs a few hours. She said she'll text later.
She came back at 8PM last night, very apologetic. She had spent her hours alone to think, becoming more sad and regretful, whereas i spent my hours planning a break up. We didn't. However I am going to distance myself a little from her. She straight up told me if i break up with her she'll be grabbing the knife for her wrists. So yeahhhhh. That's concerning as fuck.
I don't know what to say... I broke up with someone because he said something similar to me several times. Because that IS blackmailing. I think that both of you need to think about what you want and how valuable the relationship is. How much you want to risk by behaving like that. I know that at 17 a lot of things is a matter of life or death, but you need to set some limits and stick to them. ((hug))
I think if I could agree on anything it's the fact that we're messed up. And the blackmail goes both ways. If she broke up with me, I wouldn't off myself. I don't know what to do other than distance myself a bit. And take it from there. Thanks again Nick.
