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Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kissing?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TwoMethod, Dec 28, 2013.

  1. TwoMethod

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    My best friend (not gay) has just come out with this clanger:

    — He thinks that it is repulsive to see two guys/two girls kissing
    — He thinks it should not be allowed on television or in public media

    And I'm (I think justifiably) quite annoyed with him. He tells me, then, that I am "overthinking it" and it was "just a general discussion", despite me informing him how it is anything but. He still does not retract what he said after two days now of back-and-forth arguments.

    Some other things:

    — He is Russian, but lives in Ireland since he was young (clearly what's going on in Russia is affecting his opinions)
    — He knows I've been gay and has been otherwise supportive for a year
    — He is someone not easily brainwashed/otherwise very very intelligent
     
  2. Owen

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    I don't think it matters whether any of us could be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kissing. The question that matters is, can you?
     
  3. Idris

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    I have a person in my life that used to be a best friend all through middle school and high school. We're not close anymore because of her ditching me continuously for her boyfriends and because of how she reacted towards things relating to LGBT. I don't really talk to her much anymore because I never forgot how she reacted when she saw me flirt with a girl or hold hands. She acted really awful and I vowed that if and when I finally came to terms with myself I would never tell her. I tried to test her views again a year ago, and she still was uncomfortable with the topic of LGBT, so I decided that I never was to come out to her. I actually think it was because she's not had a lot of exposure to it so I believe when people react the way they do it's because of how they were raised, and how the environment was surrounding them when they were younger. Maybe that's why your friend talks the way he does, it could just be based off of his family and what they might think. I never told my now acquaintance how I felt about them being like that because the last time I mentioned possibly having a crush on our mutual friend, she actually told me I was disgusting. I never forgot that, and it took me years to teach myself that it was okay to have feelings for other girls. I'd say that he's probably not going to change his views, especially if he has refused to retract what he said. If it was me in your situation, I'd probably distance myself from them because I'd feel hurt by the statements made.
     
  4. TwoMethod

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    Owen: I understand where you are coming from, but I know how I feel, and I think you might be missing the point.

    I think that the friendship is pretty much untenable, but if there was a big reaction and people said that I was overreacting, then I might have cause to rethink. Do you think this would be an overreaction?

    I mean we could reduce many problems down to "what does the OP think?" or "can the OP do it because it's him", etc., but it's nice to have input of opinions from everyone else.

    Idris, I know what you mean – and I know really what the causes of his feelings are – but he also would have said that he wouldn't be friends with a gay person a year ago until I came out to him. I would have expected him to move with it and feel the same way about kissing. But that's not really the point for me: it's not that he is repulsed by it, it's that he doesn't think this is a problem, doesn't seem like he wants to become more open to it, and then goes off and says that it shouldn't be allowed on TV, and that I'm overreacting when I get annoyed. That's the problem for me, more than the "being repulsed" (which you can't really control without some conditioning, etc.).
     
  5. greatwhale

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    I don't think you are overreacting.

    Either you can live with a friend who has these opinions despite the obvious insult it is to you personally, or you can't, which is what Owen is talking about.

    If you are offended, perhaps this will be fatal for the friendship. He may be clueless, or he may not be, in which case you should definitely end it.

    You either have a BF or will have one, will you keep your BF away from him? How do you think the BF will react to being excluded from your friends? When you're in a relationship it's a package deal, your friend may accept you (despite what he said) but he may not accept you in a relationship with a boyfriend.
     
  6. Zion

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    What a beautiful conclusion to come to, having two opposing views between friends. Only time will tell how this friendship will pan out.

    The best advice I can offer you, is to not rock the boat, but instead, show your friend that you are the very same person you have been, and always will be -- and that its not a lifestyle adjustment. If he asks questions, there's no need to get frustrated with his opinion (unless overtly expressed), because he is the one who is in disagreement, with an entity in life.
     
  7. biggayguy

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    The real question is would your friend be offended if he saw you kissing a guy in public? If he said yes to that question I don't see how you could remain friends.
     
  8. Roxy Bi Guy

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    I personally could not be friends with someone like that, but that's not what matters. Can YOU be friends with this guy? You can ask for other people's opinions, but in the end the choice is yours.
     
  9. Girishbbe

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    Your going to be kissing guys around him you know. I don't see a way that such a friendship could be maintained well. You know they would be offended by you and you would be offended by them. You would need a lot of forgiveness to make that work. Though the tag I am going to tack on is that people change. Your profile says your only 19. I had a friend who was uncomfortable with the idea of gayness when he was in his teens, but he grew older and went to collage. Now he is completely fine with all things gay. We even went to visit my gay ant in San Fransisco together.
     
  10. WhiteShadows

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    Why is it any different from 2 heteros kissing? is the question I would ask him
     
  11. nikidion

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    I would prefer not to. It could become a very toxic friendship.
     
  12. Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    I wouldn't even be acquaintance with him. Gays + homophobes = disaster.
     
  13. anonomous

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    i find hetrosexual couples kissing disgusting (no offense to anyone) so why wouldnt i be friends with someone who dosent like gay couples kissing. unless they didnt like me personally doing it.
     
  14. Daydream Harp

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    I would have told them to "f*ck off" and never talked to them again personally, but yeah as mentioned it's up to you if you think you can look past this and if you feel it's worth to keep the friendship.
     
  15. TwoMethod

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    Re: Could you be best friends with someone who says they're repulsed by two guys kiss

    Thanks guys. Some mixed opinions here, but I appreciate them all. At least it sounds like I'm not as mad as I think.