Okay, so I came out to my mom as bisexual some time ago and it went horribly. She threatened to take me off of her insurance coverage (I'm 20) if I dated someone of the same sex (something to do with AIDS and her premium going up *rolls eyes*). She also refused to accept what I'd just told her and said she wouldn't acknowledge any male partners I had in the future/not to bring them around her, etc. Well, I'm moving to New York soon with a couple of friends and plan to date guys up there. It's something I've never done in my hometown out of fear of seeing someone we know/embarrassing her but I plan to make a fresh start for myself in NYC. Here's my question, though: how do I go about telling my mom I'm dating a guy when it happens? Should I? She's in denial about my sexuality to the point where she flat-out refuses to speak about it. Also, it's not fun watching your only parent clutch her chest in pain or become aggro (her reaction varies) whenever you try to be honest with her about your identity. It sort of scared me back into the closet (around her, at least) - I'm not trying to send her to an early grave. So, what should I do? Continue lying to her? I was hoping with the move that I wouldn't have to tell any more lies to *anyone*. Now I'm worried I'll have to do that the rest of my life.
Well if you can afford to be booted off her insurance then send that woman to her grave. Sorry that's mean, but it's true. You can't let her run your love life just because she has shitty opinions. If she doesn't like it then she doesn't like it, just make sure you make it clear both in your mind and to you that you want to stay close to her, but SHE is forcing you away.
Short of doing anything active, there's really no way you could be responsible for her early demise (God Forbid). With that out of the way, don't you feel freer already? If you know how she will react to you having a BF, and eventually a partner/husband, then why share? There is one exception however: you can mail her the details stating in no uncertain terms about what will happen in case of your unfortunate early demise. That is (to pursue an unhappy but necessary theme) none of that monkey business with her claiming your body and excluding your significant other (which, sadly, has happened). Have these arrangements notarized so that there is no question that it is your will.
How long ago did you come out to her? With some parents, it just takes time for them to come around. And the large majority eventually do, even if they're vehemently against it at first. So, given that, I'd just conveniently not mention it to her until you have a job that provides health insurance and no longer have any financial dependence on her. And at the point you do, if she still gives you crap, then you can invite her to choose to accept it, or to not have any active relationship with you. Given that choice, all but the most bigoted parents will come around.
Thanks so much for the responses, guys. They all helped me come to my decision: I'm going to keep any romantic endeavors low-key until I'm financially independent (shouldn't take long), then I'll make it clear to her that I plan to do what's best for me whether she wants to accept it or not. Thanks again!
