Closeted relationship in front of family

Well, here's how I see it:

• If you are to have any healthy relationship with this guy, it seems like your parents would most likely strongly suspect that you are gay and that you are in a relationship with him. Right? And then they would "reject" you?
  
• You think if you tell them and they "reject" you, then you won't be able to have a healthy relationship with this guy.
  

They are – essentially – the two main scenarios if things aren't going to go so well. (There are others, such as not telling them and having a crappy relationship because you don't want them to suspect, etc. but there's no point going into those.)

The only scenario with a high chance of success really, is:

• You tell your parents, they are OK with it (even if they are a bit upset and take a bit to get used to it, which would be totally normal), and you get into a relationship with this guy without being in their face, but also without the limitations of trying to keep it a secret from them.

The question is, then: how likely is the above scenario to happen, and why? We need to go through your reasonings, not just so we can figure out which one is the most likely to happen, but also so that you can be confident enough to tell them. We don't have enough information from your post to discern that.

Let's not get into the whole fwb, but I'm not sure that's the best idea if you haven't come out yet.

 

*This topic was double posted, I posted this in the other thread as well *

Though I do live with my brothers, I've never had a relationship (that might be part of the reason that's stopped me?). That is certainly a difficult position to be in.

If you are ready to come out to your family, now is a good a time as any. They are going to know eventually (right?), so this new "relationship" might be a good place to start it out. Just make sure it's something you are comfortable and ready to do, no one can tell you when the right time is but yourself. Though if you have serious reservations about it, obviously you can be nervous about but if your really afraid and questioning if you should, I don't think coming out "for a guy" (as it sort of is) is a good idea.

I do believe there is more merit is telling them than hiding it. It will show them you are proud and sure of yourself and also that you respect them and want their acceptance.

If you hide it chances are your parents will figure it out of their own, (we may like to think our parents aren't smart at times, but they can be extremely cluey when it comes to their children) which may not be such a shock for them. (But could show distrust towards them?)

If you can't decide the only other thing I'd suggest you take things one step at time. Maybe start out with this friend to see how it goes, as you become closer you may become more ready and willing to come out.


Also, if your friend is openly gay there is a good chance your parents already suspect (depending on your relationship history and interactions with others). The "Really close" comment could have been fishing. (Just a thought, think there is anything to that?)

Last note. (I don't mean to pressure you or anything like that, only when you are ready!) I wouldn't be afraid of what your parents reaction will be, sure things may be awkward/uncomfortable for awhile, but 99% of parents are nothing but loving and accepting (if not right away once they've had time to accept it). Typically we hear the stories of the few who have fallings out with family or bad histories, not the many who have great family lives after coming out.

Sorry I can't be of more help, all the best with whatever you decide.