I feel a little stupid for posting a "is my friend straight or not" post, largely because I used to overlook them as easy to resolve - just ask them, duh! Anyway, here I am, a little unsure, and also finding that asking them isn't really the easiest option in the world. It's hard to swallow your own medicine. I met this guy at a mutual friend's birthday thing. We got talking, and it was the easiest thing in the world (I normally struggle at holding a conversation). I thought he was a cool guy and was pleasantly surprised to see a friend request the day after. I said it'd be good to run into each other at some point and gave him my cellphone number... and then it starts to get interesting... "hey bro, here's my number, call me maybe haha. sweet dreams" I replied in a friendly but decidedly non-flirtatious way. So anyway, we've been texting almost everyday since, with him always initiating conversation. He's very complimentary, interested in what I am doing, and very flirty (at least I think so). We finally met up the other day to watch a movie and eat out. Our first real outing together, I guess. We talked the whole night and we definitely have a lot in common. He acted totally 'normal' in person though. And if it's worth anything, my gaydar doesn't go off when talking to him in real life. I guess the bottom line is... I really like him, but in a totally platonic way. I really want to be his friend, but I'm just a little confused. Is he gay or just a bromancer? If he is gay, does he want something more? And if he does, how do I let him know without ruining the friendship? Is that even possible? I've never had this much attention from a guy before, I have no experience in this area. I may just be reading into his texts too much too. I'm so confused.
He's either gay and interested or just really looking for a friend. Neither is a bad outcome Personally, I would keep 'going out with him' and very subtly flirting and letting him know you're interested. You can always just become closer as friends first I think he'll make a move sooner or later... if not... well then I guess ask him... or ask him straight away if you really can't wait xD
That's a pretty flirty text. Based on the limited information you provided us, I would guess that he's gay. But overall, I agree with WhiteShadows.
It’s hard to tell… He could just be a very flirty person. I know, I am and it sometimes confuses people. I do it to be friendly, funny and to make people more relaxed in my presence. But you said he’s not like that in “real” life, so maybe he’s really flirting with you. Do you flirt back over text? If not then maybe you should try that first and then see what happens. If you aren’t flirting back with him over texts, then maybe he thinks you aren’t interested in him, so he keeps it at a friend level in “real” life. Does he know you’re gay? If you trust your friend (the a mutual friend you two have) and is out to him, then you could ask him about if this guy is gay, bi or straight... Maybe not as direct as that, but you could ask a little about him. Just a suggestion. Best of luck
Probably the easiest way to get your answer is simply to come out to him. This gives you the chance to talk about gay stuff and you can gauge his reactions. If he doesn't know you're gay, then he isn't going to know there is a potential opportunity. Once you've revealed you're gay, that's going to make you "safe". Whether or not he's in the closet, he's going to know that you're someone he can trust and talk to and not be judged. So, if he does have same sex attractions then you'd be a good candidate on the list for him to talk to about it. Alternatively, he could be comfortable with whatever he is feeling (assuming he's attracted to you), and you being gay makes it clear that he can make a move if he wants too. You can judge whether or not you should make a move based on his reaction to you being gay, and how he handles gay topics. Of course, if he's 100% straight and there is no chance there for anything more, then at least you've made an awesome friend, and are out to yet another person. You can build the friendship from the ground up as an honest and open one.
Thanks for your quick replies! I appreciate it heaps. Um, I'm thinking I was too subtle in my original post, but to make it clear, I'm not romantically interested in him (at least not at this point). I'd really like to be friends, but if he is gay and interested, I'm thinking that actually might be a problem! Or is it possible to be friends despite the (possible) romantic interest being only one-sided? Yeah, this is exactly what I'm thinking eh! He's actually a really nice guy, and from the small amount I can see on his Facebook posts, he kinda talks in that flirty way anyways. I text back in a friendly and enthusiastic manner, but not flirty... with the exception of the odd compliment. Maybe that is sending flirtatious signals? :/ I did think about letting him know I was gay, because you're right, that puts the ball in his court. I just wasn't really comfortable doing it so early in this friendship. I think I'll slip in in there at some point. Or I may also ask that mutual friend (didn't think to do that). Aw I hope he didn't deliberately try and set us up haha...
Thing is, that isn't true I just don't happen to like him in that way. So I guess the real question I should have asked, is, how do you friendzone someone who is/might be into you? Oh gawd I feel like a horrible person.
you can just keep doing what you're doing now. Like keep everything at a "friend level" and don't flirt back. You can be friends with someone that might be into you, but it really depends on the person being into you. If he REALLY like you, then he might not be able to stay friends with you. But if it's just a little crush, then maybe it will pass, when he realize you aren't interested. Yeah, he could just be a flirty person. It could look like it, when you seen it on fb too. You are not a horrible person, because you're not interested in him. You think he's a cool person and you like him as a friend, yeah? It's not being a horrible person, because you are just not romantic interested in him. He might not be gay and then you two can just stay friends
You guys are the level head I need right now - thank you so much It's just that I normally have trouble making deep friendships, so I'm really not wanting to screw this up. I think you've helped me with my game plan for the next few weeks. I will be sure to update with any new developments.
Yeah please do... I'll like to hear how things are going. Hope it all goes well and you guys can stay friends. That would be awesome Best of luck!
Sometime in the future wear a gay pride rainbow pin when you both are around each other. Subtle, if he knows what it is, he may just ask you the question.
