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Need suggestions for getting over your crush

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Femme, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. Femme

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    So I've decided to actively try to get over my crush. I'm almost certain that she's attracted to me but I'm just as certain that it would never go anywhere if we ever acted on it. She's married with children and just to make it more complicated we work together in the same department. I will continue to see her everyday. I can minimize the interaction and stop going into her room to chat but I absolutely cannot avoid her. We used to text several times a day and send each other little goodnight texts. If anyone ever read the texts, they would not say we were flirting except perhaps the goodnight text messages almost every night.

    I haven't sent her a text in over a week. She has obviously noticed it but I was away on vacation so she may not have thought much of it. Though she has not sent me a text either. She did this over Thanksgiving break and I think when she is doing family things with her husband and children she probably feels guilty and doesn't send text messages. Regardless of why they stopped, the point is we have both stopped texting over Christmas break. It's killing me not to send one but hurting me not to receive one.

    Does anyone have any suggestions for helping me to move on? It's not a breakup since we never did anything but it feels like one. What can I do to get over this? Any songs that might give me some strength or ideas. I have a partner so I'm not going to try to replace one crush with another. While my own relationship has issues and is probably on its way out I not ready to make the break just yet. So I'm not going to look for some new crush to replace my current crush.

    Thanks for any suggestions.
     
    #1 Femme, Dec 30, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2013
  2. resu

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    I think not texting is a good first step, especially for kind of personal ones like goodnight texts. For most people, having such constant reminders of a crush are not helpful. It's just too easy to read into these messages for hidden meanings that create false hopes. I know I made a mistake in sending a Facebook friend request to a guy I slowly fell for but who identifies as straight (at least not accepting of homosexuality) and seems to have a long term girlfriend.

    One way to get over a crush is to try and "friendzone" them, which means avoiding paying special attention to them. Think of how you act toward your other friends who you don't have crushes toward. Sometimes, I focus on little negative quirks about a crush to help me avoid idealizing them. However, sometimes only time and distance can soothe a crush.
     
  3. girlonfire

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    I agree with resu. Distance is really the only thing that will help. Obviously don't flat out avoid her, but just minimize interaction and keep it non-personal, if you can. But also make sure she won't be hurt by the sudden stop of communication, you don't want to lose a friend too!

    Good luck (*hug*)
     
  4. Femme

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    We work together very closely so I can't avoid her even if I wanted to. The friendship will likely have to go too because I don't think I can handle being her friend. This really stinks. I'm not looking forward to going back to school later this week. It's going to be so hard.
     
  5. Silenthe

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    When I'm in a situation like this, what helps me is to emotionally exhaust myself. What I mean is-- there's still so much emotion invested in the person, even when one decides to move on. The emotions have to go somewhere, so I find a (healthy) activity that lets my emotions live. For example, when I'm experiencing heartache, I spend a lot of time on forums like EC, reading stories, investing my emotions in offering advice, and offering bits and pieces of my own story. I spread my emotions widely, follow many stories, and as I'm doing this, if I find myself missing my person, I write out whatever I'm feeling. At the end of the day, I've spent so much time "feeling," that even when I think of my person, I don't feel so much pain, because I've used up most of my emotions already.

    Are there any activities that you find emotionally satisfying?