Ok this could be a long message, so thanks for people if they read it all and reply! It would help a lot! Basically as you will know if you have read my previous posts, I've been in love with this girl for like 2-3 years. She's been in 2 relationships throughout this time with only about a month period of being single. So it's been pretty hard for me seeing her fall in love with these 2 boys and her tell me all about them, their first kisses, how much they mean to her etc. I go through periods of thinking about her non stop and then for a week or so, not at all. It's like I start to move on and then can't do it fully and just fall for her again. And I've been in this cycle for the past 2 years. Anyway, I haven't ever posted this before, but you all seem like decent people and you don't know me so you can't tell anyone, but I used to self harm and was quite depressed. This girl saved me from suicide and she's been there for me since the very beginning. She's my best friend. I used to harm myself over her, because I would get so jealous and I could never take my anger out on her, so I turned to myself. And I've been doing really well, I'm just over 6 months clean now (!) It's been pretty hard, and it's getting so much harder again, because I'm getting so close to her, and I'm falling for her so hard, again and again. She knows I'm in love with someone who has a boyfriend but she doesn't know it's her. Anyway to get to the point, I poured my heart and soul out to her the other day (she obviously thought it was about this other girl) but she knows there's something I'm not telling her. I said, if I do tell you, it would have to be in person, and she said OK, I'll meet up with you next week and we can talk about whatever it is. She also said, she's getting quite worried about me. Basically, I'm in a dilemma, because if I tell her, I think she's a good enough friend to give me a few weeks distance, to move on, and then we can be friends again, but I think she would tell her boyfriend who would tell literally everyone. :tears: And only like 2 people know I'm even gay. I mean do I carry on feeling this way about her, getting upset every night, on the verge of relapsing, or do I tell her, and the whole world find out I'm gay? I don't know what to do, people please help! Thanks for reading ~Somegirl~
That's a tough one. How trustworthy is she? Is she an overall accepting person? Does she gossip? I'd say, consider her personality traits both individually and as a whole.
That must be hard. I agree with PurpleGrey. Are you sure she would tell her boyfriend? Maybe if you tell her that it's really important for this to stay between the two of you, she'll understand. I think it's best to get all this off your chest, it'll take so much pressure off you. Or, if you don't think you can talk to her just yet, do you have anyone else that's close enough for you to tell them this? You could ask for their opinion on whether you should tell her or not. And maybe talking about it with someone, even if it's not her, will help.
It's really hard for me to trust people and to open up to people, that's why most of the peoples talk to are on here or on tumblr because no one knows me. I did try and talk about it to my other friend, but no offence to her, she's not very good at advice and she just says '8 hope you're okay '. I mean I think she would tell her best friend, if not her boyfriend. Her best friend, I trust a lot more than her boyfriend, but you never know. This is literally the only thing I worry about if I tell her, because it know she's not going to ever feel the same back, but it gives me the chance to finally move on, and not relapse, and maybe even find someone new. The pros outweigh the cons on this but I m not ready for everyone to know I'm gay. My head telling me no, but my hearts telling me yes
