This might seem kind of like a stupid topic lol but it is something that has been kind of irritating to me and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. I have just recently started "officially" dating this guy - which you can read all about in my other topic I posted here. Anyway, to give a little bit of background info on him, he's a very masculine guy who has a lot of straight guy friends, and he has never had a boyfriend before. So I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt in the situation. But whenever we text each other he will say things like "yeah sounds good man" as if I was just another one of his buddies. He doesn't say things like that in person though, he seems a lot more affectionate towards me in person. But I just can't help but be a little bothered that when we text he just acts like we're "bros". Is it stupid of me to be annoyed by this or does this happen sometimes in gay relationships? I admit I'm not very familiar with dating guys either but to me it just seems off putting that my boyfriend keeps calling me "man". Is this something worth bringing up?
If it's bothering you (and it clearly is), then you should bring it up. So long as you do it in a way that doesn't involve blame: "Why are you treating me like your bro?! I'm your boyfriend!" then it's fine. The conversation should start along the lines of: "Hey, can we talk a minute? I want to talk about something that's been bothering me." From there you both have a discussion on how you feel, and how he feels. For all you know, he could think you are acting similar, and just think of himself following your lead because he's equally not sure how to react in a same sex relationship. Or, alternatively, he could just not realize he's coming off that way. Since he's never had a boyfriend before, it's highly likely he doesn't know how to handle a deeper level of intimacy with another guy, and it might be something you both have to work on. In the end, what's important is that you have the conversation so that you both know what the other is feeling. If you want more intimacy and affection from him, then you're going to have to ask for it. Once you've had the conversation, at least you know that you both are on the same page.
I don't think he's meaning to be rude, but it could be he doesn't know what to call you, so he defaults to what he uses for his straight male friends. I think one of the challenges is that in the "heteronormative" culture, pet names are often sound saccharine (e.g. honey, sweetie, baby, etc.), so he may feel uncomfortable using them on you since you're a guy.
Given that you asked, and presumably given that you're looking for an honest answer, then yeah, I do think it is a bit stupid to be annoyed about this, given that annoyed is a strong word. It is not something I would get worked up about, but something I would text him back and say something like "Why do you keep calling me 'man'? lol" or something light-hearted like that. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to be mildly irritated and a bit put-off by it, but anything else given that he clearly doesn't treat you like "one of the bros" in person is a bit ridiculous. Like it's not like texting is his default persona – if he's affectionate in person, then clearly he just doesn't realise that he's not sounding affectionate by text. It certainly doesn't sound like something deliberate, but more normal if you ask me. I really think that this would be overreacting. If someone did this to me over something minor like this, I would honestly run for the fills. Even if you try to avoid involving blame, it still is too much. Him calling you "man" in texts also does not suggest that he's not sure how to react in same-sex relationship given this "man" thing doesn't carry over to his in-person self (if it did carry over, it would be a different story). If he's calling you "man" in a text, deal with it very light-heartedly and with a few smiley faces thrown in (if that's your style – of exclamation marks or whatever) in a text and don't make a big deal out of it.
"Why do you keep calling me dude? I thinks it's wierd, I mean, we make out sometimes?" Ah love when tv can be quoted. If you don't like whay he's calling you light heartedly bring it up and see if hes willing to change it. Honestly if it were me i could care less relationships are built on some kind of friendship. What do you use when you text him? Might I suggest calling him "dude man bro" and see how he feels (though I think that's actually a bit cute)
Honestly, yes, I think it is stupid that you are so annoyed by this. It is a very minor thing, and I would just ignore it.
Thanks for the honesty guys. I had a feeling I was being stupid about it but I just wanted some reassurance haha. We are still very early on in our relationship so I know it shouldn't bother me. It's just that I will never call him man in texts... Usually I don't call him anything, but if I send him a text before going to bed I will say things like "goodnight sir" or even "goodnight handsome" (which he will also text to me once in awhile)... It's just that him calling me man sometimes throws me off I guess because I feel like I forget who I'm talking to sometimes lol. Guess it's not really worth bringing up to him at this point. Maybe if it continues as our relationship grows and we get closer, I might bring it up light heartedly like someone else here suggested
It's probably a conversational tic with him. Essentially verbal filler. We all do them, y'know (see what I just did there?). Often people don't even realize they're doing them. For that matter, I would point out that unless you're his servant or you're both in the military and he outranks you, or you guys have a dom/sub relationship, then calling your BF 'sir' might sound strange to some. But I bet the real reason is that you just do it in the moment as a way of ending a statement to him and without thinking all that much about it. Because I also will call other males (but not my partner) 'sir' w/o thinking about it and for no reason. Just a verbal tic. Give him some time and as the relationship develops you'll probably both develop terms for each other that work for you. Todd
