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Confused about boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dater83, Dec 31, 2013.

  1. dater83

    Regular Member

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    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 6 months. I'm 30 and he's 24. We have excellent chemistry and enjoy being around together and we clicked instantly from first date. Things started well however about a month into the relationship we had an argument and my boyfriend noted that he is not quite sure if he wants all this steady relationship thing and if he wants to be gay. It was rather early in our relationship and as he reassured me in countless other instances that he feels comfortable, wants me to count on him and totally loves me, and I could tell that physically and emotionally he was very much into me, I wanted to give this relationship a chance. With time, I noticed that my expectations and style of communication are different from his. He doesn't like to talk much on the phone, and we'd generally text each other briefly morning and night and talk a few brief minutes on the phone once each day. We'd see each other and spend a night together once or twice a week, generally spending much time in bed, watching TV but also hanging out. In recent weeks, I had expressed concern about the little meaningful communication we are having between meetings and this past week we had a silly argument about why I don't like hanging in certain parts of town which I consider less safe. He got really upset and said that he doesn't want to go out with someone who's so sheltered, added some mild insult and as we discussed the argument he noted that he doesn't know if he shouldn't just hang out with girls. I told him I love him and that he can go out and explore things and we can try an open relationship until he sorts things out and decides if he really wants to seriously try straight dating. Last night, I called in after not speaking for 3 days to calm things down and he was distant. We made plans for New Years and have a play tomorrow and he shrugged me off the New Year's plan (rather insensitively) didn't reply to me text and didn't want to discuss his feelings, saying he's not good at that. I have tickets for a play tomorrow and I'm wondering if I'm being too nice here for taking him out when he blew me off from a respectful new year's outing and whether this relationship can be saved.
     
  2. resu

    Advisor Full Member

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    Well, obviously he's fooling himself if he thinks he can "want" to be not gay. He could be bi.

    I think you're wasting your time and should just give him space. He is not giving the respect you deserve, but it dose sound like he has a lot of confusion. Is this his first relationship with a guy? Have you thought about looking for others?
     
  3. dater83

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    Thanks Resu, to update we broke up yesterday and it was a tough break up for me. I realized we had some differences but nothing prepared me that things would fall apart this quickly. When we spoke I asked him how he's feeling and he said "don't ask me how I feel". This was a general theme in our relationship, he felt very uncomfortable talking things over and expressing emotions. The weird thing is that he does have feelings for me and I could tell he had a hard time breaking up but his feelings for me are not as strong as my feelings for him in part due to his confusion and his general reluctance to being in a serious relationship. And yes this was his first serious relationship (more than 2 months) with a guy
     
  4. well next time you can find someone who can communicate with you better, your realtionship survived a few momnths im surprised at how because if he wasnt communcating with you what did you get out of it? :s

    hope you find someone better in 2014 :slight_smile: