I was just dumped and need help sorting through my feelings

Honestly, it sounds like he likes you, and he likes the attention, and he probably likes the sex. But he doesn't like the monogamy. So he has said, in essence, "I'm going to start having sex with other guys now." And of course, that's his choice to make. Just as it's your choice to make whether or not to accept his tail-end "maybe after I have sex with other guys for awhile, I'll be ready to settle down with you again." And since he chose sleeping with other guys over a monogamous relationship with you, you are most certainly under no obligation to chose "being friends and/or waiting for him" over cutting him off and going off in search of somebody else. In fact, I'd say the second choice is probably the best for you right now.

Lex

 

Please take the advice of someone who has been in your shoes. You will NEVER forget it if you take him back after his screwing around. I stayed with my gf while she did that and we have been living together in a monogamous relationship for 5 years. It took a toll on my self-esteem and I would not feel bad if I cheated on her at all as a result of those exploration days.

Don't wait around. You deserve better.

 

Get out.

For him to efffectively say:

These are your limits and I'm ignoring them, chasing after what I want and I will come back to you when I'm ready to settle down again.

Means that he doesn't appreciate you, your awesomeness, your limits (previously stated monogamy) and is kind of using you. If he hasn't been treating you like your his best friend that he wants to go through life with - he doesn't love you the way you love him and he doesn't appreciate you like he should given the context of your relationship.

Get out.

It will be hard but it will be worth it. One day you will find someone who does treat you right, who is willing to compromise and hopefully wants the same things you do. Someone who is willing to accept you for who you are and what you want because of who you are (aka. the person that they love over all the world). Someone who will treat you right.

Get out. Don't go back to him. Don't let him use you.

<3

 

Yes it is bad to settle. That's what I did and I'm so bitter about life as a result but I'm twice your age. Do not waste your youth on this man that's trying to grab the last of his good years whoring around. Do NOT be his backup plan. I'm sorry to say this but you are his plan B if he can't find better. Trust me, I speak from experience. It's too late for me to turn back the years and at twice your age, there's still time for me to find someone but years of not being truly appreciated for the gift of my love has absolutely taken its toll.

Don't accept this. You will find someone else.

 

There are problems and there are problems. Nobody is perfect and you shouldn't look for perfection. Everyone will have some sort of annoying habit or minor failing or whatever. You certainly have some qualities that will annoy them too. Because we all do.

The difference is that all the other good qualities that the person has, and/or the way that they 'click' with you, either balances out the one or two annoying things about them or even makes those things endearing because it's part of the whole package that is them that you've fallen in love with.

On top of that, the key here is that they are ANNOYING qualities or behaviors, not stuff that makes you feel horrible or terribly sad or whatever. If your guy had a habit of drinking out of the milk carton or storing half his clothes in the dryer (that would be MY annoying quality as far as my partner is concerned), then I don't think anyone here would be suggesting you end the relationship and move on. But we're not talking about something annoying - we're talking about a violation of your trust, of something that is presumably causing you great pain, of something that he certainly knows is causing you pain and that he's chosen to do anyway for his own selfish reasons.

The difference is that some problems are just minor annoyances. Others are deal breakers. From everything you've written here, it seems to me that what you're describing is a deal breaker for you and the only reason that you're considering sticking around is fear of the devil you don't know. And fear is a really bad reason for doing most things, especially when the thing in question is to basically put your life on hold and stew in your own pain as you go to bed each night imagining this guy screwing some other dude in the bed you once shared (and yes, that's a harsh and unpleasant image - but you've virtually said you've already imagined that and that it hurts you - so why deliberately freeze yourself in that state of being?).

My 2c worth,

Todd

P.S.: And if the next person has something about them that is a deal breaker, then you move on again. The fairly tale about finding the love of our lives on the first try is pretty much just that - a fairy tale. In the real world, people date and form committed relationships and sometimes break up and move on to another relationship. That's part of life.

 

He's treating you like a door mat. He's confident you will be there to take whatever he wants to dish out. I wouldn't stay with someone that took me so for granted. Being in a bad relationship is worse than being alone.

 

Give him the time and space to explore and keep your options open too, make it mutual. Don't sit by waiting for him and respect his choice. If it's meant to happen it will but don't wait for that to happen- get out there and meet someone who is dedicated to making you plan A.

 

I was in a 10 year relationship with an alcoholic who as he said was functioning.Think again! He may have functioned but the mood swings over money,bills,and whatever else he could knit pick about were not worth the day he punched my face where I had been healing from cancer surgery,and then posted on FB that he asked me out to breakfast and I went off on a tangent.Now he claims I have mental illness because I told him to give this that and the other away,told him to get the annulment of our civil union and the adoption we did to TPR me,as this way he can't say I am dragging our son into things.He drinks 5ths of Seagrams,wines by the bottles,drives with booze in his supposed water bottle,and I can't live with nervous twitchy stomach anymore.Lotsa fish in the sea and Life is too short to be always in such bondage of someone elses bad addiction

---------- Post added 2nd Jan 2014 at 06:36 PM ----------

Oh and to help you see past the feelings,imagine a window on your life experience,and you peer thru it looking with 2 sets of eyes,eyes to the past and eyes to the future...ask yourself,will all this change for the better or will it be temporary and the pain continue again.Or will all this be different because you live YOUR life to best that God gave you in talent wisdom pride in self and love of other sand family,Its amazing to practice this exercise and see all you uncover from your own introspection