My "friend" is acting clingy and kinda creepy

Hi everyone~

Friendship troubles so early in the year. (sigh) So, basically it goes like this. I have a friend (let's call her V). During middle school, I was best friends with this girl. However, past grade 10, our friendship started having some tension. Thereafter I felt like we weren't friends but she felt that we were.

In the past she did some slightly creepy/clingy things when she seemed to notice that our friendship was drifting apart. For example, she used to just sign herself up for things that I was ding or want to invite herself to go along. For example, driving lessons. I signed up for a class and right after she signed up too even when I didn't tell her when or where I was taking them (her mom asked my mom). Or going to the movies or social gatherings. After a while, she kinda backed off. But now she's kind of annoying me a bit now.

During the fall, she wanted me to hang out. Seeing as I didn't want to be friends with her, I replied back in a short e-mail saying I was busy. She then proceeded to tell another friend of mine that "I cared for trivial things more then friendship", called up my house and threatened to show up at my house. Luckily since I was actually sick, she lay off.

This "friend" is also back for the winter break since (luckily), her university is out of town so we don't have many opportunities to hang out. Again, I tried the busy technique, stating that I had two jobs and I was working a lot (which was true). Then today SHE SHOWED UP AT MY JOB. I hadn't even told her where I work, but somehow her and her mom knew both of the places I work at now.

I tend to try to avoid conflict, but this is starting to annoy me. I understand that she has anxiety problems at times, I honestly do going through that stuff myself. But her trying to use backhanded ways to make us be friends isn't fixing the problem, it's just starting to piss me off to be honest.

Does anyone have any advice as to how to fix the problem? I'd like to not be rude to her, but at the same time make it clear she's taking this a little far.

 

I'm not sure per say that there is anything wrong with her... Obviously from my view she's going to seem a lot creepier then she would see it herself. However, I will say that she has anxiety.

One of the things that I have noticed is that she can be quite insecure about her relationships. From middle school till now in university, she has been somewhat obsessed with finding a boyfriend. She's never been on a date or anything, so that made her quite insecure throughout the years. I think it's also that that's making her act like this.

I do understand her feelings, but at the same time it's kind or creepy for her to keep insisting on seeing me when I have tried to politely give her some signals that I don't want to be friends anymore.

Any other suggestions?

 

@everyone

Yeah, I'm thinking she is lonely and had abandonment issues too. And it seems the only way to resolve this is to talk to her. Only I know she will get really emotional and cry (she cries over a lot likes movies, etc) and take it personally. And then I'll feel like a b*tch.

Is there really no other way to resolve this?

 

Hi guys~
I have a few clarifications to make. To start, all of the events that you read about in my post mostly happened over a number of years, so not all at once. Therefore, I wouldn't necessarily label her as a stalker, as there are periods where she has kind of backed off. But your right that she does have some stalker tendencies and not just with me. This was the same girl who's friends were taking pictures and videos of her crush behind his back.

Forgot to mention this in my post as well but my mom stopped telling her mom about me. After the other mom asked about my mental health, if I had depression and if I was seeing a doctor my mom got pretty pissed and basically told her it was none of her business. Oh, and in that front, my friend is already seeing a guidance counselor.

Strangely enough, part of me is actually wondering how much of the stalker stuff is the mom or my friend. Her mom has always really liked me. She says I'm a good student, striving to be a nurse and have helped her family a lot. My friend did make some other friends in high school, and then changed her mind. Before she wanted to be a doctor and stay living at home, now she's taking art history and away at school. Her mom wanted her to be a doctor, since that profession has literally run through their family for generations. It appears her mom seems to think I am a better influence or something and is constantly bringing up ideas about us hanging out. She used to sign us up for the same exercise classes, brought up the idea of doing a credit in another country together (which I obviously said no to) and kept asking questions about my mental health when I was beginning to pull away from her daughter. Luckily now with her daughter away at school she doesn't have any opportunities to sign us up for the same thing.

But she was also there when my friend came over to my work and asked me questions about my life now, so I was wondering if it is her influence to go visit me or hers...