I think he hates himself and I don't know how to help !!

Hi every-one !
I came here to talk about one of my best friend.
He is the type of very sociable, nice, caring guy, who is always making the class laugh. At first sight, you'll think he is the happiest guy on earth. The truth is, he's not !

Here's the situation:
I first met him last year, he was in the same class as my best friend, and I hang out with him a few times. And, frankly, he seemed like a stereotypical gay to me!
This year we are in the same class. I got closer to him, and got to know him better.
He keeps saying things about dicks or gay-sex, of course as a joke, but he comes up with that a bit too often to my taste !
I'm not the only-one of his friends to think he's gay, we all did at a point. Some tried to talk to him about that, but he kept denying, and said he's totally straight ! So we let it be, and believed him. Of course he can be straight and effeminate !

But in October, we had a party with our group of friends. We were 14: 7 girls, and as much guys. We started drinking, and he didn't stay sober for long. Later, he hold hands with one of the guys, went in a couch, apart from us (but we could still see them) and ... they kissed ! When he came back we asked him if he was ok and he started crying :tears: !

After that, he kept saying that nothing happened that night, that he was drunk and he wouldn't do that if he was sober and there's no way he's gay ! And he got angry every time we tried to talk to him about what happened. It's not that he's homophobic, he's actually very accepting of homosexuality, just not his apparently .

Finally, this week, to celebrate New-Years Eve, we had another party with fewer of us, without the guy he kissed last time. We drank again, but this time he wasn't drunk ... At one moment we all talked about sexuality, and about some of us being bi-curious, or bi (like me), and i saw he was quite uncomfortable and stayed apart. Later, he asked me if I wanted to go outside with him for a while. So we sat on a bench and we started talking. He asked about me being bi (he knew before this night), and basically about teens problems.

And finally: he said it. He said he was bi too ! He asked me not to tell anyone. Only two other persons knows, his best friend and a girls he's very close to (who also happens to be my straight crush, but that's another story ^^). I promised not to tell. We discussed a bit, and it appeared to me that he hated the fact that he likes boys ! And he hates it when people ask him about his sexuality. He said that he doesn't feel good about himself and that he even thought about suicide sometimes :icon_sad:!
I tried to help him, because I now somehow how it is, as I'm bi too. But it's two different things, I'm a girl, he's a guy. I accepted my bisexuality very quickly, I'm proud to be, and I talk quite easily about it. In his case, it seems to take an eternity for accepting himself as gay or bi. And most of all, he's ashamed of who he is ! He told me there are periods where he cries every night thinking about that.

I told him he's not alone, that I'll be here for him and he has amazing friends who will also be there if he needs to ! I tried to comfort him as much as I could this night …
I like him as a friend, and I really, really want him to be OK ! I don't want him to ruin his life, or do bad things to himself. I just want to help him accepting his sexuality, but I don't know how ! I know that every time I came out to someone I felt better, it frees me a bit each time, but I don't want to force him to come out if that's not what he wants.
I've never been good at comforting and helping people. I'm usually the type of person that goes away when someone cries. Not that I don't care, but I don't know how to help !
But this time, I really feel like I need to help him.

:help: What should I say to him ? What should I do ? How do I make him feel better ? What argument could I bring up that will help ?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who'll help !

(Sorry for the length of the post, I tried to make it short, but I guess I failed ! And sorry for the mistakes, I'm french )

 

Thank you all for your support
@Mogget: Well, of course it hurts me, He's my friends and no-one likes when their friends feel bad :/ Thanks for advice, i know i can't do much. How i wish i could just snap my fingers and the world would be all beautiful !

@tacoma048: I already though about leading him here, but the problem is he doesn't speak english :/ And i unfortunately couldn't find a forum like EC in french. So i don't think it will really help him, but i can still try

@WhiteShadows: First thanks for the link i'll check I really have no idea of his parents opinon on the subject, but i know they're not very religious, it might help a little ! Personally i didn't tell my familly yet, so i wouldn't lead him in that dirrection for the moment, only if he wants to ...
I saw he got pretty close to the guy he kissed that night. He always ask if we saw him, waits for him in front of his classroom (he's not in our class), often sits next to him at noon ... however he helped him to get a frist date with a girl, and gave him advice. Maybe there's still something going on between them ? Also The other guy is not gay or bi (or if he is he's not out).
Do you think i should talk to him about his situation ? I feer he's gonna close himself if i do !

What you all said was that i shoud say to him that it's ok, that he has people who care, and listen to him. And I will, as soon as i'll find a moment where we are again just the two of us ^^. Don't worry i'll let you know how the situation evolves !
Thank you very much

 

So as you suggest, i tried to talk to him a bit, but he stopped the conversation really fast !
But this afternoon, we were a bit early so we sat in front of our class, and the guy he likes was near by, so he said hi to us. They cuddled, and talked a few words. A girl of the other class dropped "You guys would be so cute together !" I looked at him and i saw he was all embarrassed ^^
When they left he whispered at me that he wouldn't be against dating him, but because he is one of our good friend's ex, it would be inappropriate !
So i asked him about the guy, if he liked him, if he was bi too (the answer to both questions was yes ) and we had a nice discrete talk !
And tonight he just text me how he likes talking to me about that, that he trust me and how he likes me very much for that !!!
He's still not very enthusiastic about telling others and i can see he's not so confortable yet, but at least he admitted to me that he likes this guy, with no real shame, and even a smile on his face.
I feel like it's already getting better, maybe he over-reacted at new years eve (i don't know if i mentioned it be he almost cried), or maybe i felt his pain to much (and i over reacted ^^) but it doesn't seems as bad as i might have described it !
Anyways thank You sooooo much for helping and answering so fast <3

 

So it's been two month now and i appologize i didn't reply sooner :/
The situation with my friend has evolved a LOT ! We sarted to talk more and more about our heart problems and he gained confidence. He came out as gay (apparently not bi anymore ^^) to a few fiends including my best friend slash ex of the guy he likes (let's call him L from now on !). So I guess that's a big step forward !
Conerning L ... well ... its a bit more complicated. It has also evolved, yes, but not in the best way, I fear it ! They became REAAAALY close, they used to talk dirty with one another, and sometimes very seriously joking about getting together as a couple ... interesting ! "So how could that be bad" - You ask. That leads us to the 14th of February: Valentine's day. Also know as a shitty day for us single pleople ... You have no idea ! He sent L a very cute text in wich he confessed his feelings. He mentioned when they first met, the night at the party and all that followed (he read me the text after). L answered that the feeling wasn't mutual but that he didn't want to loose their friendship either ! So it was good, until my friend screwed it up >< He was a bit mad and told L that he felt like he played him and that he "used him for fun while [he] was falling in love" ... After that, they stoped talking for a few weeks. Now they text eachothers again but never really talk face to face. And as we still talk much, he always says he suffers a lot and that love sucks (even if I kinda agree with that too :/) ! So I helped him coming out and accepting himself as gay ... Now I have my own problems and he's the one who screwed up with L, I'm not suppose to repare that for him ! I'll just keep listening to him and being a good friend
So I just wanted to keep you guys aware as you were so nice and helpfull !
And thanks again (for the milionth time ^^)

 

Well thank all of you for helping in some way me to be that good friend