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Letting everyone down.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by yearout, Jan 3, 2014.

  1. yearout

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    Hey there,

    I'd like to just voice a thought.

    I won't dwell on my own story for long, but I will say that I've come a very long way in the past year or so, figuring out and coming to terms with my sexuality, and slowly becoming comfortable with myself. I've since come out to my family and all of the friends that matter. I'm currently 21.

    What has still been a source of stress is the fact that being open about who I am seems to make so many people upset. Of course, I have no plans to change or deny who I am. This is how it's going to be, and I'm happy and proud about that. I am in a great relationship with the woman I originally fell for two years ago (swoooon :kiss:). The point is, though, that I feel like my happiness comes at the expense of other people's.

    Does anyone else ever get down about this? I know that it is them (i.e. parents etc.) that must come around; not me. But until then, I just feel guilty and downtrodden for being a source of tension and pain. My parents' discomfort, although unjustified and only amenable with time, is real for them. It's there. I love and care about them, and whether or not they are happy is important to me, no matter how wrong I find them to be about something (in this case, me).

    Again, I just wanted to say that I know that none of this is my "fault" persay, because it's nothing that I can change. But at the same time it just makes me wonder. Before coming out to all of the people around me, my best friend (who is also gay) assured me that "it will be hard, but I guarantee you that everyday out of the closet is better than any day in." Being out and proud has definitely had it's perks - after all, I get to be who I am, wake up to a beautiful woman, and not worry about hiding my identity or sexuality. Nonetheless, simply being myself makes me suddenly a battleground in my family. It feels like a burden on my shoulders that embracing my happiness comes at the expense of that of people I love, and who I know love me, too.

    Can we not have it all?
     
    #1 yearout, Jan 3, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2014
  2. Nerkpoop78

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    I feel your pain. That's why I have yet to come out to anyone. I'm scared to disappoint them i.e. my parents, grandparents and people who have placed their hopes in me having a good family and having lots of children. If I declare that I am gay, my parents will feel kinda crappy because their son just moved to becoming a man lover. True it is tough that's why I'm still struggling over it.
     
  3. ImTrying

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    I can relate completely. I've been fortunate enough to have parents who still love me deeply. However sometimes it doesn't feel like unconditional love. They are always still hoping that I will one day change to straight, and I constantly struggle with feeling like a disappointment to them. One of the things that depresses me the most is how I feel like a burden to them. Me being gay causes them so much grief and burden, sadly. The last thing I want to do is make other people miserable, and I have been for so many years. They of course say, "no, we want to share your burden", but somehow it doesn't ease the pain of what I've caused them. My mom has bought countless books about homosexuality (particularly related to Christianity, as they are very religious), and attended many seminars, etc. It saddens me that she feels she needs to do this, but it is her way of coping and trying to deal with it. I know someday she will accept me for who I am, but the process is hard. She has told me that she wouldn't go to my wedding (now that gay marriage is legal here) and that hurt me deeply. But I think by the time I got into a relationship and she saw how happy it made me, that she would change her mind by the time I'm ready to marry. It is not an easy journey, but it will only make us stronger. Best of luck.