I came out to my parents over 2 years ago now. I grew up in a very fundamentalist Christian home. When I came out to them, they bought tons of Christian books on homosexuality (naturally the ones that supported their preconceived views). Many of these books often insinuated one of the causes was distant relationship with the father (which I'm sure is not new to any of you). Well, I always felt I had a good relationship with my father, and I made this clear to him when he started to blame himself for me being gay. Despite this, it seems he still blames himself. Ever since I came out, he has put extra effort into spending time with me and asking to hang out, etc. I am not trying to complain about spending time with my father, and I am grateful that he wants to be involved. However, I have not been able to get past the feeling that he is doing this to try to change me to straight (and also the feeling he is being encouraged by my mom to do this, who is the more intensely religious one). So despite wanting to spend time with my father, I have felt I actually have pulled away and made excuses, cause I feel awkward that he is doing this in an effort to "cure me". I have an older straight brother, and he does not come on nearly as strong in his efforts to "hang out" with him as he does with me. It makes me feel very awkward and I'm not sure how to deal with it. My relationship with both my parents is kind of strained right now because it is hard to be open with them about my personal life, since they can be so opinionated and narrow-minded. I feel the best would be to confront my dad about the feelings I am having directly, but I haven't been able to get myself to over the past 2 years. I mostly posted this to vent but any advice or encouragement would be appreciated.
Rather than confronting him, have you tried just engaging him? When you're hanging out just turn the conversation. Invite your brother to hang out with you or something. You want to embrace the fact that your dad is spending time with you, even if it's for crappy reasons because if you push him away then it might give your mum some sort of 'evidence' that she was right. You don't want her thinking she has proof that you ARE gay because you don't like your dad... See if you can just casually bring it up why he suddenly wants to spend time with you...
Spending time with your dad isn't going to make you straight so just go with it. Your parents will get the clue eventually. Todd
Imtrying, Well these aren't exactly the nicest links but here's something to consider: If you look at the last 75 years of history, besides going to the moon, humanity has been very busy feverishly trying to cure homosexuality. Pre-frontal lobotomies: DavidMixner.com - Live From Hell's Kitchen Electroconvulsive Shock Therapy / Aversion Therapy: Aversion therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jamie Scot: Shock the Gay Away: Secrets of Early Gay Aversion Therapy Revealed (PHOTOS) Imprisionment in Nazi Concentration Camps/ Jail: Persecution of homosexuals in Nazi Germany and the Holocaust - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Chemical Castration: Alan Turing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Alan Turing recently received a posthumous royal pardon. Conversion Therapy / Reparative Therapy: Conversion therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I don't know if those links will help you much or not. But I thought if you consider all the things society has done (fundamentalist christians in particular) to try and "cure" homosexuality in the past 75 years...Prefrontal Lobotomies, Shock therapy, imprisonment, chemical castration and reparative therapy...then it might give you an idea of something to say to your parents to let them know nothing could've prevented or caused this, its just the person you are meant to be. If society's efforts to tortore, imprison and brainwash us didn't work to turn us straight, then its only logical to consider that anything two loving parents have done to their child couldn't begin to affect sexual orientation one way or another. So much evil has been justified on this earth in the name of God from a religion which preaches to love everyone as you would have them love you. Thankfully, love and tolerance is slowly beginning to win out over fear, bigotry and prejudice. Remember to live up to your own expectations and never let anyone tell you how God feels about you. You have a conscience, you know right and wrong in your own heart and if you listen, you'll know what God thinks of you.
Yes, this seems like a good opportunity to enlighten him on what being gay really is about. If you act like it's normal and show that you're the same person you were always, no amount of "gay therapy" books are going to stand against your personal example.
