This is my first thread and the reason I created my account originally... I need advice. I'll give a bit of background- I'm a high school student who is closeted to most people but a few friends know and I (unfortunately) came out to my parents. I first told somebody last year, in about May. It's when I finally told myself I was bisexual. I later realized I was just flat out gay (I guess bisexual was a first step). It was so scary but once I did it I felt so proud. It was like one of many rocks lifted off of my shoulder. I then had the courage to tell a couple others, and every time it gets easier! The thing that was no easy task, however, was telling my mother. In July or August, I sat my mother down, and I just began bawling my eyes out. I felt like a disgrace and I was sure she would be so disappointed in me. My Mom was never homophobic, but my father was and I was worried she would feel similar and not accept me. After I pushed out the words "I'm................................ GAY" it was such a relief but I was still terrified. She told me "I still love you and always will" so I felt great, except she said she didn't think I could know for sure since I never had a serious relationship with a girl. But I knew she was just unaware, but still I said "Maybe you're right" out of fear of not being accepted further. I knew my father was homophobic, so after telling my mother, I told her YOU CAN NOT TELL DAD. What do you think she did? Of course, went and told him. He didn't even look me in the eyes for days, and didn't say a word to me for a week or 2. To this day we haven't discussed it, because he's really stubborn and I know he would get angry with me and not listen to me. My Mom is awkward about it and doesn't like talking about it. They don't want me to tell anybody, so I feel trapped in the closet though I'm dying to get out. I have a very "PRO GAY" sister, who I know would be great support, but they don't want her knowing and talking to my Dad about it. I feel so horrible, and my anxiety and depression (which I thought I had defeated) are slowly coming back, but I'm terrified to bring anything up to my parents and get pushed over the edge again... I don't know what to do, and I could really use advice, I feel so hopeless :tears:
I'm sorry, that's rough. Your mom shouldn't have told your dad. That was wrong. Since you are in high school I would suggest not bringing it up to your parents again, at least not until you are out of the house and independent. You have every right to tell your sister, and since you believe she would be supportive I think you should. Be clear with her though about who she can and cannot discuss this with. Coming out is very personal and needs to be on your terms. Are you in the US? I know that high schools here have therapists you can talk to. They can give you resources that may help you. I know that there are a ton of support groups for gay youth. I wish I had access to one when I was your age. There are people who can and want to help you, you just have to seek them out.
It's hard to not bring it up to my parents when I want to be free and be myself so desperately, I am so frustrated that they won't accept me for who I am I'm pretty sure my sister would go talking to my parents because she always does (similar to my mother and father). It's like I can't trust anybody :dry: I'm not in the US but I'm very close, and there are school councillors but they don't really help with this kind of stuff, they deal more so with schedules and such. My school has a GSA but it's very small and I'm scared to go. I do have friends who know but I seem to bother them with my problems when I wish to speak Thank you for your help
Oh that's hard. You need someone you can talk to who you can trust. It's too bad your school doesn't offer free therapy. Do you think if you asked your parents they would let you go to therapy? You could be vague about the reason, just say it's for anxiety. Then make sure you choose the therapist. Do your own research and find one that specializes in gay issues. Assuming they allow it of course. I understand not wanting to go to the gsa. When I was in high school I was too afraid to go also. Maybe you can find something similar though outside of your school. A lot of places have lgbt community centers. Then you wouldn't have to worry about running into any of your classmates. The important thing for you right now is to connect with people who will support you. Then negative comments/attitudes from your parents won't bother you so much.
I've actually mentioned therapy for my past issues with anxiety and depression, and it wasn't really possible. Where I live it's very costly and somewhat far from where I live. I ended up dealing with my problems by trying to think positively. It worked a lot, but I find these feelings are coming back again. I'll have to tough it out until I'm out on my own, unfortunately. Surprisingly, there aren't any lgbt community centers or groups anywhere near where I live. The only thing I can think of relating to the lgbt community is the Pride parade, which is of course in the summer. I'm pretty sure I'll have to keep my lips sealed and push through this, but I'm afraid I won't last much longer. Soon I'm just going to break down. I've honestly had pretty horrible thoughts recently and I'm having eating issues (which also were resolved but I started again). I think it's to take out my stress on myself or something. I'm sorry I feel as though I'm complaining about nothing but I'm really having a hard time. I also apologize for knocking your suggestions, if they were possible for where I lived I would definitely take your advice. I really appreciate your help, thank you
Please don't apologize for anything. I know how hard it is to be a teenager in your situation. I'm a bit older than you but I remember those days very clearly! I have a few more thoughts that I hope are helpful. I'm guessing the gsa at your school is headed by a teacher? Why don't you contact him/her directly and ask if there are more resources in your community? They might know of some groups that you can't find online. They may even be willing to start a group for closeted students...maybe not calling it a gsa but something non descriptive and keeping it on the down low? It's just a thought but whoever this teacher is they are either a straight ally or gay themselves and will be sympathetic to your situation. At the very least it would be someone to connect with who will offer emotional support. Also, I was thinking about it and are you certain there are no therapy services at your school? I never would have known they had it at my high school if a friend hadn't told me. Ask around, you might be surprised. Have you seen the It Gets Better videos online? There are a lot of them and some are pretty good. People who are gay talk about their experiences and how life did get better after high school. I know it's hard to think about a better future right now when you are stuck living with unsupportive parents but this won't last forever. Soon you will be old enough to move out and truly carve out your own life. You can move to a city that is gay friendly and has the resources you need. Don't lose hope! You have your whole life ahead of you. Keep coming to EC. You will always find support here. You can always write on my wall or send me a PM once you're a full member too. You aren't alone. A lot of us have been through the same struggles you're going through.
Actually the GSA is run by students, and I've heard through the grapevine that it is pretty lame and they really don't do much. I kind of wish I had the courage to be out so I could make it more exciting for other kids to find inspiration or motivation to join and spread the positivity. But sadly the GSA is pretty useless in my school. And I'll definitely ask some friends, I guess I've kind of assumed that they don't have any therapy of any type or even advice to give on this, I would speak to a teacher but I'm not close to any! I have watched soooo many YouTube videos (including the "It Gets Better" videos) and they were actually what gave me the courage to tell my parents I am feeling better today, not as stressed, I really can't express how much I appreciate your advice. I actually plan on moving to a "gay friendly" city when I'm older, that is, if I ever find love LOL. But only time will tell. I'm definitely not giving up anytime soon, I'll look ahead to my future, I'm sure things will start to look up soon. Thank you again for your help, I love this website and I'll hopefully be here for a while, thank you (*hug*)
I'm glad you are feeling better. Yeah, look to the future, it will get better. I love this website too. I found it last summer and it has helped me soooo much. Just being able to communicate with other people who truly understand...it makes a huge difference.
Hm I thought everything was supposed to be better by now, guess I was wrong lmao! At least I'm still alive I guess.
Things aren't great. My Dad still hasn't accepted it fully and we still haven't even talked about it to eachother because it wouldn't end well. There would certainly be screaming. I'm pretty hurt that he can't just get over this. Oh well. He knew I had a boyfriend a couple months ago and didn't force me to break up with him, but the boyfriend never came over. He couldn't even call him my boyfriend, him and my mom would call him my "special friend" apparently, when they discussed it. So lame and so annoying. I'm getting so frustrated at this point.
I'm sorry, unsupportive parents are the worst and you deserve so much more than that. You're seventeen-one more year til freedom.
