Hi... I thought I'd want to share with you a short but interesting experience..and if you could please give me a bit of guidance of feedback, I'd much appreciated. I lost an ex boyfriend of mine to cancer recently, 4 months ago to be exact. We had known each other for about 10 years and been in a relationship with him for 3. We remained very good friends afterwords. He had no one except me and his sister during his treatment period. At the end of all this, his sister gave me some of his belongings as souvenirs, such as HD TV. It has been 4 months and I haven't hooked up the TV, as I don't have the courage yet. I finally asked a friend to hook it up with me, not because it wasn't physically possible, but because I needed someone to support me emotionally while hooking it up. This friend knows what I have been going through and agreed to help me out. We did set a time and a date and asked him to join me for supper that I had prepared that day. He called that day in the morning and asked to change the plans as he wanted to go to couple of places and asked me to join him if I could. I thought he'd still hook up the TV with me afterwords, but he didn't. I am too embarrassed to ask again and also little upset that he showed little inconsideration. He called new year's day and left a voice mail to say Happy 2014. It has been 5 days now and I haven't returned the call. I don't know if I should talk to him and remind him and throw my dignity away, or should I keep ignoring him totally till he questions my attitude. P.S ..He has been incredibly busy with someone he just met and they go out and are together for 2 weeks now, with non stop FB posts about them both.. Thanks,
Clever title. I think you should tell your friend. The easiest thing you could do would be to just say something like, "Hey could you help me with that TV? We never got around to it, and I really do need your help." I don't think he was intentionally inconsiderate. Like you said, he's in a relationship with someone, so his mind might be elsewhere. Being angry with him and not communicating your feelings to him will get you nowhere. If he doesn't know about your feelings, or you don't remind him to help you, how will you be able to fix anything with him? And I don't think you'd be throwing your dignity away by asking him. <3 Don't worry. Dealing with the possessions of dear-ones-past is tough. :icon_sad: Ask for your friend's support.
Thank you TJ. I honestly think I am over reacting. I took it alittle too personal. Maybe because I was there for this friend at difficult times and I might have expected him to reciprocate. He is busy for sure and might not be as attentive as he should be. I will talk to him. Thanks again!
As tempting as it might have been to wait for him to contact you its definitely the better move that you contacted him again to get help. Sorry for your loss and I hope everything goes smoothly with this friend of yours
I agree you should probably ask him again. To answer your bigger question: Unfortunately, integrity is something really lacking in many friendships. It seems like your friend understood the importance of this to you, but in spite of that, chose to prioritize something else over what was obviously an important thing to you. That, to me, speaks volumes. But perhaps he doesn't really realize how inconsiderate what he did actually was, so assuming he is a really good and close friend, I'd suggest that it's worthwhile having a serious conversation with him. Out of that, one of two things will likely happen: either he'll realize that he's not been prioritizing his friendship with you very well, and he'll make real change, or it he'll say he'll change, but it won't be worth enough for him to actually do so. In either case, you'll have a clearer picture of what the friendship really means to him, and you can either continue to nurture it, or work on finding a better friend.
Thank you Stumble-along and Chip for your input. I'd like him to keep him as a good friend. I don't think he is very close but he is close enough of a friend. Also, I had time to re-evaluate and reflect after my ex's death. I realized that I might have been that person who gave unconditionally to his friends. All what I need to do is to differentiate who is worthy and who is not. Thanks again guys
