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Parents frustrating me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by A Person, Jan 5, 2014.

  1. A Person

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    Hey everyone,
    So my parents are frustrating me. I'll begin with my mother. She constantly nags me over school and my relationship trying to dictate what I do with those issues. She also resorts to awful insults when mad at me, frequently stating how I'm a scumbag and cause all our family's issues. Not to mention that she constantly makes religious remarks, especially after an incident last year where her and my father tried to get me to say I was gay (I have no idea what I am). Our political and social views differ extremely and she always discourages me saying anything liberal often making rascist and homophobic remarks as "just jokes" even though she likes to make homophobic ones around me. Now my father. Me and him have many similar interests and beliefs and despite being raised Catholic my dad does not seem to view religion as much of an issue mostly because of the influence of John Lennon on him which I am pleased to say has brushed off on me along with other music interests. I feel like I can enjoy being with my dad on his own more than with my mother. However he can be immature and gets easily frustrated at times and will sometimes take my moms side and repeat what she says in an argument which makes me feel betrayed. I know my dad is smart and accepting deep down but he can't show it when my mom is involved and I don't know why. Overall I feel like I can't fit in and that if I ever mention feelings towards men seriously that my parents will feel like they failed me and I'll never be who they wanted me to be. Also my mother and her relatives may be unaccepting entirely. How can I get my dad to show his inner hippie as I call it, and be more of the man touched by the Beatles and John especially to accept all and live as one? Or should I keep things under wraps until I find "the one" who can help me more comfortable with these sorts of feelings? And what can I do about my mother and my fear and sometimes hate of her and her "Christian ideals" as she said to me once?

    Thanks guys!!(*hug*)
     
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    I'll just share my opinion of what you should do. I'm not experienced in this area, so someone else may have more solid advice.

    It seems like you trust your dad, at least more so than your mom. You say he's willing to talk about things, and he's pretty 'hippie', but he gets sucked into negativity through your mom.

    My suggestion is that you talk to your dad about both yours and his feelings when your mother isn't around. Surely you have some alone time?
    My thought it that talking to him will at least better help him understand what his son is feeling, and how that conflicts or agrees with what he's feeling. Maybe if he understands more, he can take your side in the future.

    I suggest just talking to your dad because your mom doesn't sound like she wants to hear it.

    Worst case scenario is that neither of them want to hear you, in which case I am incredibly sorry. :frowning2: We're here for you.
    Hope you get some more advice than just mine. <3
     
  3. A Person

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    Thanks for your advice.

    Unfortunately my dad is very socially awkward like myself and can't really discuss serious things that well without becoming uncomfortable.....I wish there was a third party to help...
     
  4. Tracks

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    Whenever I tried to talk sexuality or relationships with my parents it generally ended badly.i remember my mom kinda freaking out when I tried to talk to her about the fact that I maybe wasn't into the pert Jennifer Connolly looking brunette I brought home so much. I remember the word queer being said with a sneer. I remember her having a college friend she'd mention who was "a fairy" and a "wonderful man but..."

    My dad? Classic greatest generation male. Awesome provider. Not so much in the talk to department. Repression and denial and keeping things down ran my life. My parents always loved me. That doesn't mean they knew what to do with me, and that's ok.

    I'm approaching "middle age," and if it wasn't for almost dying a couple of years ago and six months of awful recovery where I learned my friends were really just people who's phone numbers I hadn't thrown away yet, I don't know where I'd be.

    Am I still lonely? Yeah. Confused? Yeah. But you're doing what you can, like I did. I'm running to talk to people like the folk here. This may not be the ideal solution, but it is a solution for now. Hugs.
     
  5. A Person

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    Thanks for your advice, need it now....