I don't want to feel like this. I've been feeling like this for a couple of hours and I just have to get it off my chest. I hate the constant indirect insults given by my older brother (we don't talk to each other hence the indirect) about my eyebrows being clean or my hair style or the way I act. I constantly get abuse from my mum saying that if her family found out that I cleaned up my eyebrows that I would be murdered or shot. I constantly get the 'stop being a gay piece of shit' from my little brother who is only 12 despite being the one out of my whole family who is more supporting of gay rights. No, I have not come out to any of them and neither will I because I believe they don't deserve to know and they don't have any right to know - I'm emotionally sterile when it comes to family. However, this evening has been the worse and I've been having suicidal thoughts of just taking an overdose and being done with it but I can't bring myself to do it because I just don't want to give up but then something in me is saying 'enough is enough' and I should just end it here. The first two friends I came out too are constantly sending me messages asking me what's wrong and calling me every 2 seconds. The thing is I feel embarrassed and such an attention seeker if I tell them what's going on and I don't think they will listen and I'm just wasting their time despite being the always one that listens to their problems and dilemmas. I feel ugly and unimportant so why should they bother? It's just another gay person at the end of the day. I just need someone to tell me that it's going to be alright but I don't think it will. Why will it 'get better' in the future but not now? :icon_sad:
It will get better! PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP and DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT SUICIDE! Suicide is never an option. Just talk to you closest friends about it and I am sure they will help you through this. Stay strong!
Talk to your friends. Please. Pick up the phone and talk. ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2014 at 10:05 PM ---------- Or if you really can't face talking to them, call these guys; London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard 0300 330 0630 up until 11pm or Samaritans | Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 24hrs