So I had posted a thread previously about this guy on my sports team that I like. I basically told him that I was gay and he said he wasn't gay and wasn't interested but we could still be friends. He was pretty cool about it I think. Big deal right? Well I should be over that by now, but I'm just not. I'm normally a very rational/blunt person by nature, I'm English for gods sakes, and I don't over think things that I feel don't need to be over thought. And at first that's what I did. I assumed he was straight and that was the end of it. I tried to associate with him as though nothing had happened, but that didn't really happen. After I told him my "secret" (funny word to use but fits I suppose) he acted, I guess you would say, more "cautious" around me? I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. The matter of the fact is that he had started to act differently since I told him. To be honest, I wasn't that surprised, shocked or offended. If he felt awkward being around me after he knew I was gay that was fine I suppose. So I just backed off from him for a while (I'd like to say about two or three weeks not including the recent winter holiday). So we've been back for a little bit now and I'm getting all of these mixed signals from him. When he sees me he looks away and smiles to himself, he stares at me sometimes, those sortys of things. And I would like to believe that this isn't just wishful thinking on my part because I accepted the fact that he was straight a while ago, so I don't think I would be making some futile attempt to trick myself into thinking that he likes me. I don't know whether he's just being nice now or whether it's something else. Now I feel like I cannot get over him ever though there is a rather high probability that he's just trying to be nice to me. I'm just confused and needed to write it down I guess. There's about three reasons for this, maybe 4 (if I'm lucky) . 1.He's just being nice. 2.He's trying to hang out with me more because I distanced myself from him. 3.This is just how he acts with everyone, which could be the case 4.Maybe he does like me but is confused? Both of us are "popular" with the ladies you could say. I'm obviously not interested, but I've never seen him with a girlfriend either. If I was in his shoes and one of my new friends (I had only known him for a little while but he hung out with mutual friends at practice and then went to the movies twice on our own) came out to me, even if I did like them deep down inside I would probably be pretty taken back, and wouldn't admit it right away at least. I really don't expect many people to answer but I just felt like I needed to tell someone about this, even if it is on the internet where everyone can see. I, one of my best mates, and possibly him are going to the movies this Saturday after a meet at the nat, and I want to clear my mind before that if possible. Cheers! :icon_wink
I think you haven't been convinced he's straight, and so your feelings never completely went away. For a lot of my crushes, that's eventually what happened. My crush diminished but still remained. I should say I've never come out to anyone. But, I made friends with a guy I thought was quite hot, until I realized he's straight and happily married. It was only when I had been completely convinced that I started thinking of him as just a friend I didn't have to worry about being gay. I think you should try to rebuild your friendship with him. Smile and just be nice to him like he is to you. Yes, you will start having stronger feelings, but keep at it. If he's single, then there's nothing much to lose. Since you're already out to him, he is pretty free to choose as much or as little affection as possible with you. If it seems more than platonic, maybe that's a good sign. Remember, just because someone says they're straight doesn't mean it's completely true, especially if it is a reflexive action.
Agreed with what resu said. As harsh as it sounds, erase the 4th option. He rejected you and he said he wants to be friends, and until he says otherwise that's the truth. Maybe it can change, but right now don't get your hopes up. Try to be his friend and if you think that's too much then tell him that you need some space because you still like him, I'm sure he'll understand unless he's a narcissist bastard or you're a very good friend for him...in which case he should understand. I also was in a similar situation with a colleague in a class a few years ago. He always kept looking at me in class and he was being a lot nicer and all that. But once. I heard him telling another friend in the class how fun it was to tease me when he knew I liked him. And he didn't mean it wrong, it made him happy when I blushed after one of his comments or actions since he knew someone out there liked him. But he is straight as an arrow. Maybe something could have happened if I kept in touch with him, but who knows. Keep us updated. Best of wishes
