So...yeah. I have few actual friends, fewer who know all about my situation (bi, occasional depression and anxiety, apparently suicidal past). So those would be the people I'd go to, right? Apparently not. People just ignore my texts. There're two friends that I have that I go to for whatever I need to, and they ignore me. I had texted the one not long ago and after I saw that he had just been on Twitter. It's not the first time, he's been ignoring me a lot actually, which sucks. Like...can someone explain to me why people just don't like me? The other tells me he'll be there for me but quite always ignores my texts. I can go days without talking to anyone and no one notices? If I just go quiet at school and talk to hardly no one, people just think I'm in some bad mood and nothing's wrong. Like my parents ask me why I don't hang out with any of my friends and I just wanna say, "What friends?" What's wrong with me guys..?
They might be avoiding talking to you not because they don't like you or anything like that but because they're frustrated that they're not able to help you with your issues.
Well one of them I go to just sometimes to talk but honestly as of late, the only time he'll text me back is if I ask him a question about homework. Anything personal, I get ignored. The other day he did say that he had a headache and was sorry he wasn't responding, which is fine...but days...?
I have the EXACT same issues, and I mean exact. I recently asked my best friend if he was mad at me because those were the vibes I were getting, and he said he wasn't and he was sorry for making me feel like that. He's been talking to me more so I guess that's good. Just send him a similar message when he's online and ask him.....unfortunately that's all I think you can do, they won't come to you. Believe me, I was being ignored since November and I just fixed some of it....you have to start soon. You're not worthless to me or anyone else here, remember that
The thing is...it's really complicated. The guy who knows practically everything about me, who I go to for almost anything, isn't who I would label my best friend. Not in the slightest. The last time we talked in person? I couldn't even tell ya. We have one class together where we sit on opposite sides of the room and his clique of friends is in that class. I see them and I'm envious of them that they're all such good friends and I want that... The other guy who doesn't know 'everything' about me is the one who I would label my best friend. We've had a rocky friendship to say the least, with many stints of good and bad, we're currently in a mostly good stint. He's...flaky...I guess, I don't know. We have actually been better at talking in school and outside of school but I feel kind of distant from him. Like he knows I'm bi, but I can't talk about dudes with him, like I would feel awkward even though he's my best friend, and that's just part of it. These guys are my two best guy friends...but I feel so distant from. It's even gotten to the extent of where I question whether me not being there would have any impact on them or any others at school...like would they miss me? And I understand that this is a place of caring and what-not...which is why I came here, with no where else to go, but there have been so many times where my post have been pretty much ignored that it's made me wary as of late.
you definitely matter! Though I'm a 41 year old dame, probably the last person a young gay guy would want to talk to, but I am always willing to be friends and chat with you if you wish. Because if you're here on this earth then you have a purpose and are someone special! Don't sell yourself short! June
I get your situation. My best friend who I mentioned sometimes angers me because he has a clique of friends he hangs out with too who I have no love for. And I feel like they're closer than we are even though he tells me they aren't and we are....I know what this is like and please, talk to us about it. Consider applying for Full Member, as I did myself recently, and maybe we can PM about it?
BiCuriousBoy, Have you tried talking to your friends about "just friends stuff" and nothing else lately? I know sometimes when I get down, I can tend to dwell on negative crap I want to talk about and if I get to the point where that's all I talk about. I can tell it can bug my friends sometimes. Nobody minds a litte heart-to-heart every now and then, but too much can get old. Talk about and DO some fun activities that you both enjoy, having fun and not being lonely afterall, thats the best part of having friends. Another thing that might be hard to do if you have severe depression and anxiety is take how they feel about you as a friend at face value. If someone likes you, if they're you're friend, it means they really like you and they truly value you as a friend --they're not just trying to be nice and they're not friends with you because they feel sorry for you. Most people if you're doing something they don't like, they'll let you know, even if only in the smallest way. Another thing, try not to count how many times you hang out in a week/month, or count how many times either you or another friend calls first to make plans or initiate contact. Its annoying and controlling to the other person and untimately self-defeating because the number of times you hang out with someone or the amount of times they call you doesn't really "prove" anything. There's usually too many other factors involved so its not an accurate guage, and even if it, its still a shitty way to measure a friendship. Specific to you a couple things: First of all, obviously, you should network and branch out a little more. From what you describe, you could have much closer friends. The friends you have alone are NOT meeting your social needs so you need to seek out more social situations and companionship. EC is a great place to start. Overall, much easier said than done I know, but first you identify the problem, then you look for solutions. And second, on your quote: If you died tomorrow, everyone would get along fine without you. Thats part of the bittersweet symphony of life (and a great song by The Verve). You can either let that depress you or comfort you that life was here long before you and will remain long after. It comforts me because while I'm an unique individual, I've never had a feeling or a thought or an experience lived that someone hasn't had before and will continue to have in the future - and it gives me strength in knowing that if others can live through it then I can too. We ALL know pain. We all want to be loved in this life and missed by someone when we leave. If you want that, its just like everything else in life. Hard work, confidence, learning and practice is whats required. You work to actively seek those relationships you need in your life. Positive energy has a profound effect on people and forming relationships along with confidence in knowing that like everyone else, you have innate gifts and abilities you use to help you succeed in certain areas and make you a unique, interesting individual. Build your charisma by building your confidence. You DO have to learn to be a good friend, no one is born with that, it takes a lot of effort and building positive traits to offer someone a true and good friend to someone. And finally practice, because we're only human and we all make mistakes. Whether you realize it or not, we all do this to make friends, thats why it sounds so trite, because we all subconsciously have at least some of this knowledge already. Its just that for those really awesome, close "best friends", it doesn't feel like we're putting forth any work or effort at all because that emotional connection makes the two "click" so well. In reality though, it really does take a lot of time, effort, patience and so much more until those come along. I've dealt with depression, self-pity and suicidal thoughts before and still deal with them somewhat to this day. "I might as well kill myself" "I'll never be good enough, so why bother?" "I'm so worthless, why was I even born?" Depression is like a sad song that you just can't stop listening to. In a way, one can almost derive some kind of twisted pleasure from the constant sadness, we become addicted to the intensity of the emotional feeling, the intensity of the sadness. Our brains release dopamine to counteract the sadness and we kinda turn into sadness junkies that way. But like any other drug, overdosing on sadness can be deadly. If we can hit bottom and realize that fear and sadness has tricked us into a living a life and keeping a mindset that we really don't want for ourselves, then we can start getting back on track, being more productive and living a happier life. First identify the problem, then find a solution. I know this post is a bit long and overdrawn, but I've dealt with these issues myself and thinking about not living in fear, building my confidence, trying not to be sad and depressed all the time by taking steps to actively avoid it - those are what has helped me. I hope some of this wasn't just a long blathering post for you, hopefully some of it has helped you. Peace, Good Luck and NO FEAR!
Scanner, I have honestly been pondering over this post for days wondering how to respond and I’ve finally figured out how. I have occasionally tried to talk about just friend stuff, but that’s where things get next to nonexistent. Lately, Matt’s only really responded to anything when I need him for something and hasn’t really for an invitation to talk. Alex will occasionally text me to tell me something but hardly ever to just talk about ‘friend stuff.’ I feel like though that if I start to annoy Matt or someone who knows me though, they won’t say something because they know that I ‘need them.’ I do understand that I should and quite frankly need to take things at face value, but it is kind of hard when I can’t judge Matt’s reaction, since I’m only ever texting him. I have been getting better on not focusing too much on how often my friends do or don’t message me. I have become much more self-reliant than in the past. Alex is really the only person who makes plans with me, which is really all I need. I’m an introvert after all. I do have plenty of friends…but I guess the better word is aquaintances. Like I’ll talk to plenty of people but at the end of the day, I wouldn’t be going to any of them to just talk. Checking my phone I have three people other than family members who I have had conversations with since mid-December…almost a month ago. I do have horrible trust issues, and I’m kind of clingy, which is probably why I want to stay away from people, partially to not get hurt and so I don’t seem so annoying. I actually did know of the song Bittersweet Symphony, just not who sang it nor the song itself, it was the title Cam’s suicide episodes on Degrassi (I can’t watch those episodes…I was honestly nearly in tears while watching it). I understand life would go on and that all of us know the pain, it’s just a constant nagging. What would happen? What would people do or say? How would they react? I hate thinking it, but sometimes I do. I have been working hard on the friendships that I have and have been trying my hardest to solidify mine with Alex. It’s been a rocky past two years, but things are finally better, hell, we actually hung out. I’m not a patient person, I know that, and it’s a character flaw flat out. If I text someone and then don’t respond within like ten minutes, I get anxious. I have been working on that and am bettering myself because of it. For Alex, we do ‘click.’ We get along fine in most cases and after years of troubles we’re still best friends with little to no issues. He accepts me for me and I for him. We have our flaws which we recognize but in the long run, we’re still best friends and that click has stayed. Overdosing on depression…that’s a deep image and so true. I will admit to it. When I get down on myself, I get so used to the pain that it becomes a comfort really. I hate it but it’s true. Honestly Scanner, I loved your post. That’s why it took me so long to respond to it. It took me an hour and a half to read through everything and respond and now I have to struggle to get my homework done, but it was worth it to do this. There was a new update though. My mom and sister got into a screaming match yesterday. Somehow it got brought up that she worries about me and how she worries that she may only end up having two grandchildren (either because she thinks I’m gay or because four years ago I was considered suicidal). It broke my heart. I talked to Matt about it and at some point he did propose that maybe I would just ‘get over’ liking guys. That stuck me…I honestly didn’t even know how to react. I tried to make things normal but he hasn’t responded to either of the messages I’ve sent since then.
