I am SO sorry for the length. I just really needed to get all the information is, because I need HELP! Hey everyone so uh, I'm having some issues. When my boyfriend and I began dating (long distance, still haven't met), he was the most amazing man I have ever talked to, the most amazing boyfriend, and overall the perfect guy. He showed love and respect, he cared about me and supported me. It all lasted for a while, but things started breaking. I don't know if it was on my fault due to some jealous issues I had, or clinginess, but it all began going downhill. Now today I feel like he doesn't truly have strong feelings for me anymore, or even care about me as much... He doesn't talk about our issues, ever. I told him that avoiding problems has and will make things worse, all he says as a response is "guess so". He avoids any and all issues we have because he doesn't like to talk about that kind of stuff. His responses in conversations are vague, it's hard to build a lasting conversation with him anymore, hell, sometimes he doesn't even respond. I've told him in the past when I was really sad, or hell even crying and he doesn't seem to care that much. When I even tell him I'm crying or something, he usually just ignores, avoids me, or even gotten mad at me for whatever reason. If it were him, I would go so far out of my way to help him. I would make sure I don't sleep until he is better. The only reason I haven't left him is because I love him... I feel something with him I have never felt before. I know he loves me too... Deep down, deep deep down... I just need him to show it. Sometimes we do have amazing times together! He is great on some days! Just most of the time he's not. Now recently I have been looking for help with this, and in the process I met this guy that has been the biggest help ever. He supports me through everything, he cries when I cry, he treats me with the utmost respect and constantly makes sure I am feeling well. I told him I was really really in bad condition once, and he kept facetime calling my phone until I picked up, and he wouldn't let me hang up until he knew I was okay... We both ended up falling asleep together on Facetime because he had to make sure I was alright. Isn't that what my boyfriend should be doing? Shouldn't he be the one supporting me, showing me kindness and love. Being there for me no matter what is going on and basically wiping my tears away? I'm stuck.... I love my boyfriend so so much. This isn't just hard, it's excruciating! If I lost him, anything that would remind me of him my heart will break and my world will shatter, but if I stay with him I don't know if he will change and I will probably continue to cry myself to sleep, and will continue waking up each morning saying "I hope the pain isn't too bad today" instead of "I hope today is a good day!".
I must say if you havn't met him it's difficult to be in love. It took me a long time to get over someone at your age, but not really that long now I think back. Also realised it wasn't as great as it seemed at the time! Looks like you already have someone better lined up anyway!
Hey Jake, I've been in a relationship that fizzled out because of distance and lack of communication, so understand a bit of what you're going through. This was with a girl I dated back in college and we went home for summer break to opposite sides of the country. Long-distance relationships take a lot of work. You have to make time for each other. You have to tell each other what you're thinking. You have to let each other know when you need space and give each other space when it's needed. Because the second it stops feeling like there's appropriate give-and-take from both sides, it feels like the other person alternates between being too distant and too needy, but you aren't forced to sit down face to face and talk things out. It was easy for us to say we were each other's long-distance boyfriend and girlfriend. It was a lot harder to actually be each other's long-distance boyfriend and girlfriend, if that makes any sense. We were just kind of drifting along, dissatisfied, until we had the much-needed conversation about the status of our relationship and ultimately decided to end it. I'm not telling you to end it with this guy. I'm just saying that if a long-distance relationship feels like both partners aren't putting in equal effort and aren't communicating, it's drifting into dangerous territory, and the partners need to either get back on course together or decide to abandon ship. I hate to sound like a pessimist, but I can speak from experience that letting something like this go on without taking action does no good for either person.
Being in an online relationship that fizzled before, I can say that if one person puts in 100% and the other puts in much less, it will fail. It sounds like your boyfriend isn't really putting in any effort right now, and that other guy sounds really nice, and he cares about you, and all that stuff. Maybe your boyfriend is just having a tough time or something right now, or is going through something you don't know about. I would talk to him one day and try to get some answers out of him, and if he doesn't answer, I honestly don't think he's worth your time (just my opinion, I'm not telling you to end it with him, nor suggesting it yet). One thing I think could maybe work to try to see if he will show that spark that used to be there in the relationship is maybe say that you two should take a break. Maybe then he'll realize he's been messing up and that he should spend some more time with you and actually talk to you about stuff. During the break, you could get to know the other guy some as well and become good friends with him. Even if a relationship doesn't start with him, it's still nice to have friends that are supportive like that. I actually wish I had a friend I could cry to when I needed to like that, even my BEST best friends never see me cry, or my family anymore. I don't feel like they could take it. Sounds like you have two very nice guys in your life, as potential boyfriends or just friends. Hope this helped.
I appreciate it everyone, it is very helpful. I hate to blame him for all of it though because I know his heart is in the right place, I just feel like he doesn't know how to show it. I don't know though, maybe I'm just trying to give myself reasons to keep putting up with it. Honestly I am 101% ready to put a ton of work into our relationship so it doesn't end up fizzling. It's just hard to get him to do the same. I may try to talk to him again... And yes, Paradox, is it nice to have a friend to cry with (sadly he is online as well), we even consider ourselves best friends. We've talked about it and decided that. In face, today is our 1 month mark of bein besties
If he's not willing to put effort into repairing the relationship...it may be time to move on. :/ It takes effort from BOTH people to maintain a relationship.
I'm sorry but I don't quite understand how a relationship can be carried out exclusively online?.. especially considering you have never met?? it's not the answer you're looking for, but I would try and focus on meeting people in real life.
