I have a friend who is bisexual. She's a really important friend of mine, but in November, we sort of had a 'fight' that wasn't really a fight; it was more that I cracked under the stress of everything that was falling to pieces around me, and while there was an argument, I suspect a large part of it was also that I was losing my self-identity as I began to realize that maybe I, too, was not straight (not for her; someone else). Regardless, while the argument was fairly minor, after that, I began to go into the sort of reaction technique that made everything she did annoying and irritating to me. It hurts every time I feel this way, but I can't just get over myself - I accepted from the beginning that it wasn't her fault I was acting this way. It's been nearly two months since this began, and now I'm at least beginning to become reaffirmed in my sense of self-identity, and I want her back (I have the whole time, but I can't do it). We still hand out; it's just a lot awkwarder and I can't bring myself to feel as open with her as I used to. I'm going to hang out with her tomorrow, and I've been considering outting to her. I really, really don't want to because I don't want to set anything in stone about that, but I don't think I can save our relationship without doing it. So my dilemma is that I need to decide between making rash decisions that could drastically affect my entire life, or possibly losing or at least damaging beyond repair a relationship that, only a few months ago, meant nearly everything to me. Any advice?
I'm not sure this is advice, but I can say that this story somewhat reminds me of what happened with a very close friendship I had. I would probably be in your friend's shoes in this case. My former friend (who identifies as a lesbian) and I had a falling out about a year ago. At the time she was stressed from having to be the caretaker of her dying grandmother. I wanted to support her because her family really neglected her (in my view), but it seemed like everything I did was wrong. One day she just sort of snapped and said something to me that was incredibly hurtful and still is. Our friendship of over 5 years fell apart and I was left feeling responsible. The damage had been done. I never felt like I could say anything to her again because she was so sensitive and I suck at expressing my feelings. I always got the sense that she thought if she could have repaired things she would have, but was too humiliated and intimidated to approach me. Either that or she never valued our friendship like I did. Either way, I was going to say, I wouldn't come out to her as a way of trying to establish closeness again. She is likely hurt by what happened. If she is anything like me she equates you not telling her how much the friendship meant with you not thinking the friendship meant much. I would just make sure she knows how much you valued your friendship and see if things can get better from there. Communication is just so important.
