Hi, so looking for a bit of advice/ how to progress really. I'm pretty much new to the gay scene and met an amazing guy just before christmas. We've met a few times, kissed a lot and made out second time we met. After second time we met he introduced me to his housemates and gave me his number (without me asking). He also invited me out with his housemates later that week. After that I added him on fb but noticed a curios comment written maybe just under an hour after I left on second 'date' - he's new to area and made a comment saying he's thinks the gays in the area need to improve their hygiene (just one comment on a much longer post). I'm not aware of any issues, but timing has me worried. Texted him on Fri wishing him good weekend and he replied after a few hours with kisses at end of message (though maybe he just does that with everyone?). Was going to text Mon to see if he's free (though is this too soon?)? If he is and wants to meet I was thinking about just asking him out? It would be 4th time we've met? Also should I ask about fb comment or would this seem confrontational? Also not sure he's fully over his ex yet, it's clear break up affected him really badly. He did like me a lot I think and possibly still does, but really scared I'll put him off me. Thanks for any help
With this guy think you should just meet him and look at his body language without being too obvious of course. Look for things like eye contact when you talk about things does he touch you a lot, laugh with you or smile at you ect. Think you should ask him out if he does any of the above often most of the time if a guy likes you he will make it obvious face to face. I know what you mean by the kisses thing i do this to everyone but i usually only do one no more unless it someone i like. You will never know if you don't try anyway just looks for signs first. Also that comment would get me bit wary but the only way you would know if you speak to him again and see how he acts when you talk if you see a change then I would worry . I would not mention that comment just yet incase it was not actually aimed at you.
Ok thanks! He put two at the end of the message. He's only put one at the end of other messages. As I said I'm kinda new to it, so really he was leading me on, very flirty touching me, taking my clothes off. Gonna text Mon but v nervous was just shocked by the fb comment all the signs were we we doing really great but now worried. Will text on Mon don't want to seem like a stalker/ needy but whole weekend will have gone I guess. If we meet will really watch him for signals not sure about eye contact but last time yeah, he was touching me and laughs with me. Will judge then if it looks good will just go for it I think! He's already put up with several gaffes (verbally) though on my part so will need to tread carefully. Think (hope) he will meet me!
Play it cool my friend, when you text always wait for him to reply never send more the two at a time before he replies. If he is actully interested he will respond just some people take their time to do so as things happen. Yeah the worst thing to guys is to act needy to them it will only put him off. Just have fun don't take it too seriously at the moment. Eye contact and body language shows a lot about a person if he mostly focused on you in coversations that a good sign if it seems hes more interested in other things well might be he nervous but if he confident then its different.
OK so texted him Monday night and didn't get any response, really disheartened tbh, thought he'd at least say something even if it was no. Was on fb earlier and saw he was over at a friends all Mon night so wondering if he's just forgotten now or am I just being naive. I'm really shy and don't click with people much but this guy was so patient and understanding. In addition he's posted that he now thinks "no man deserves his love". Really don't know what to think! Between that + hygiene comment then clearly I've got it all wrong. But when we last met on Mon he seemed really into me and gave me his number and invited me out with his friends? Went out with them all few days later and we all had a really good time? Want to message him desperately, but will this just seem pushy? Don't know what I should do, or should I just forget it? Just want to say I really liked him and hoped to meet him again and just be patient as I'm new to it, but already much more comfortable than when we first met! I can't talk to anyone else atm, distracted during the day, never had a date go this far, really thought it was getting serious, but maybe I'm just naive. Never been much of an emotional person, but now feel they are tearing me apart and want to get rid of them all!! Should I message tonight/ tomorrow/ weekend/ ever? Really unsure of myself, massive confidence knock and don't think I'll meet anyone like him again. Sorry for the self-indulgent post btw!!
Hi, qwe! So, let's take a look at things. You say Mr. Lovely just got out of a relationship and is still upset about it, right? It might be that the hygiene comment was a sort of slight attack on his ex. Not answering your phone while at a party with friends? Nor would I! I usually ignore the phone completely at parties because I know it isn't fun to hang out with people who can't put it down. No man deserves his love? A moment of melancholy and anger, because he's still hurt by his last relationship. See, not everything he says is about you. What he says to and about you is about you. Take a deep breath and send him a casual message asking him out right now, as long as it's nod an odd hour where you're at. Try to keep it cool enough inside of you so that you can actually enjoy your time with Mr. Lovely, instead of worrying, but don't be afraid of showing him that you care about him and that you won't hurt him like his ex did. Good luck, buddy! (and sorry I nicknamed your crush, I just felt more comfortable referring to him by a name)
Hi MidnightWings, thanks for your rational post! The relationship finished nearly a year ago now, but hurt him badly. The hygiene comment was about guys in the new area he's moved to. It gets worse though as he's commented that he's only been on one date in past year (that must be me). Maybe I'm reading too much into stuff? I hope so! He replied after 3 days apologising, but didn't come across as warm as his others. Replied then after little under a day asking if he was free over weekend, got impatient and just said could really do with talking to you please let me know if you're free over weekend. This time he replied in an hour. Will tell him everything tomorrow. Don't expect him to say yes, but hopefully after I've told him everything we can be good mates. Though I've now broken the cardinal rule by not giving him enough time to reply!! Sure he will think I'm needy now. Before though he always had time to update his fb. Not in work this week so had loads of time to think about things which has made it worse. Will let you know tomorrow how it goes!! Hve weighed up everything and decided I'd rather run the risk of seeming clingy than not speaking to him!
Chill, qwe. You've only sent Mr. Lovely two messages in a row, that's ok. It's not like you overloaded his inbox or kept sending him messages every five minutes (don't do that even after you've engaged a love relationship, boy... don't do that). If I was Mr. Lovely, I'd simply assume you sent me a message, and then another one to specify something you forgot on the first one. I'm glad I as somehow useful, and also glad you found out it was just a series of misunderstandings about Mr. Lovelys facebook posts. Good luck telling him your feelings, qwe. Keep us updated, ok? Oh, and I get what you mean there. I too prefer to look a little bit clingy than indifferent to my crush. But just a little bit.
Hey there, I did not mean never text him till he texts back I mean at least give him a chance to respond (which you did). Yes Midnight is right never bombard a interest with messages. You have not done that so let me tell you something I used to sometimes get that feeling when someone does not respond to my message after a day they must be not interested. I just tell myself it could be many reasons and usually now the person will eventually get in touch as long as you have not done something to offend them. If the guy likes you they will be in touch one way or another if not of course they never get back to you. Two messages is fine don't worry I do that sometimes they don't find two messages clingy at all it when someone does not even give it a chance before sending another. I find some guys from experience weird sometimes one minute if I always wait for them to send a message back they never reply till after a week I send them one then they like thought you was no longer interested. Another instance was I acted a bit more interested as i was and they say they need space... this is why now if someone does not respond I just leave it at that hard as it is when you like someone. Too much work trying to know what some guys think or do not if they not telling you. Good to see you make your own decisions instead of driving yourself mad wondering been there done that it not fun.
Well, finally met him yesterday! Was right pushing a bit in this case as he'd had a mega busy week and it turned out he'd got the wrong impression from me. Planned to meet for 1/2 hour but spent 3 hours with each other. Went for coffee got chatting then let him raise the subject. After a LOT of hesitancy I told him I really liked him and he thanked me but was surprised. I said you seemed to like me at first as well and he said he had but some of my prev comments (which had been playing on my mind) had put him off me a bit (I criticised his body last week albeit unintentionally!!) From there I end up almost cross-examining him and he psycho-analysed me. Long story short....we deffo know we want to be friends he thinks a lot of what I'm feeling is because I'm new and with my comments he just can't see how I would be attracted to him. I asked if a few months down the line both our positions were unchanged would he reconsider? He said yes, but that it was a long time and maybe I just needed to meet more guys in the meantime. Tbh though, I've nearly given up hope with dating apps, was about to delete ****** just before I met him and he's restored my faith in it a bit. Now focusing on meeting people through social clubs I think instead. After coffee we went back to my flat briefly until his parking ran out and we ended up getting intimate with each other again, which also tells me all hope's not lost quite yet. So from here we will see, meeting again for lunch later in week then he's away for few weeks. Thanks for all the support on this thread btw! It's been a hard week as due to unforeseen circumstances I wasn't working this week so had much more time to worry about other things!! Feel much happier now and at the end of the day he'll be a cool mate though obv I would like more!!
Hooray! Big win for you, qwe! That thing of wanting to wait to see how you really feel and all... it really seems some sort of reminiscence of that bad relationship, but it's ok. It's not like he's not interested. And you're still friends! Congratulations for being so brave, and I hope you find someone to make you happy.
