Is my best friend gay?

I have a very close friend that I've known for 2 years. Recently, since we both go to college locally, we have begun to spend a lot of time with each other. We really began to become close in August. Since then, I've begun to develop strong emotional feelings towards him. I feel as if he is sending me mixed signals.

For instance, we hug, he sometimes plays footsies under the table when we eat. He's brushed up against me recently in the cold to keep warm. He put his head on my shoulder and just smiled at me. I didn't know how to react.

We joke around a lot with each other, however, the things he says are leading. He says "we'd be so great together". He sometimes jokes around and says "you should get pictures of me for your desk". He's also told me that I should move to be closer to him. He onetime told me another one of our friends touched him inappropriately. Recently he told me that he only said that to see how I'd react...I was stunned.

He acts completely different around me vs. his other friends. He'd never make those jokes around them. I feel as if he lets his guard down around me. I hate to stereotype, but his motions and mannerisms appear more effeminate around just me. If I try to mimic his manerism it feels feminine.

Around me, he shows now attraction towards other women. We watched The Wolf on Wallstreet together and he honestly appeared disgusted with most of the sex scenes. He never talks about women with me. Around other people the most he'll say is "she's cute, "she's hot", or "she's pretty". Hes looked at posters of attractive nude women before and shows either no reaction or a disinterested one. He mentions to me how he likes being around me because he doesn't have to talk about women around me.

He did have a girlfriend before we met, however he never speaks of her and refuses to talk about any relationships he might of had in the past saying that he has things he wants to keep private and can't tell even his closest friends. He's an attractive guy who is very sociable with many friends. When one of his girl friends asked him to a wedding, he begrudgingly went and didn't consider it anything at all.

He's also complimented how I look several times calling me a nice view. He often compliments my hair, or stuff such as the shirt I'm wearing. If I compliment him he smiles and becomes extremely happy.

Recently, I couldn't take this anymore because I wanted something more so bad. So, over Xbox I told him I was gay and wanted to know if he was trying to send me signals. He responded he was just joking and that he jokes that way around me. He told me everything fine, until the next day he texted me telling me that he needed time to process this and hoped I could respect it. For the next 4 days he completely ignored me and I was devastated. He wouldn't even look at me or acknowledge me in public. Later we texted and he told me that he had to ask me some questions. He told me he was shocked that I was gay and that that was all he could think of when he saw me. The next questions he asked confused me even more about him being gay than help.

He would only contact me by text saying he didn't want anyone in his house to hear our conversations. He asked me how I know I'm gay, when I knew, did I accept it, who have I told and how did they react. He didn't ask about any previous encounters or if I was attracted to him. When I told him I might be confused he became kind of angry and said he didn't know how to feel. He said if I was confused I should have never brought this up. He also said he'd never been through this before. His response to the jokes was just, "i'm not that way". He said everything he said to me was 100% and true, but said in a jokingly way.

A few days later he texted me to go out to lunch. While eating, he mentioned nothing about our previous encounter. It was like just before. We are now doing things again like going to gym, eating, out. We are exactly where we were before, but he's kind of making the same kind of jokes and I don't know what to do.

I'm fine just being friends and can accept that. But I feel like he could be gay and I'd much rather have a closer relationship with him if possible. I accepted when he told me he wasn't, but the questions he's asked me and the way he acted before have made me wonder again. Did I maybe scare him or make him question himself? What should I do?

 

I am not 100% convinced by his response. When I told him, I said he was giving me mixed signals. I did not say I was falling for him. I did not want to creep him out or overwhelm him. Here is the exact conversation:

Me: ...I either wanted to be only friends or move forward

Him: I see, we can still be friends.

Me: I hope that doesn't sound weird.

Him: It doesn't I get it. I'm sorry if the way I"m reacting isn't the easiest to deal with but I've never had something like this happen before.

I also feel that he is acting like nothing has happened. Tonight I briefly mentioned, "I'm so glad things are normal for us". He briefly responded "yes" and then immediately changed the subject to something else.

Tonight he also continued the brushing, foot playing, and slight touching along with the smiling. I really want to say something, however I feel like we need more time to heal before I say something because if he really has does not have feeling for me and is acting this way, I'm angry because I do not want to be misled and have my feelings played with.

I can also understand him not coming out if he is gay though because his family is much less understanding than mine and it would drastically alter his life more than it ever could mine. He is much more sensitive and cares more what people think while I say what is on my mind and can care less what people think.

 

SaudadeCoimbra, I feel like this situation is very similar. When I met him, even before I accepted that I could be gay, I thought that he was gay. I never judged him, but I thought that he was secretly gay, maybe he doesn't accept it. I knew him for a good year and a half before we became extremely close friends. There were just little things he'd do and the way he'd act. As we became closer and closer friends I began to suspect even more that he was gay before I ever even had feelings. As we became closer he became different around me and began to "Joke" around with me.

I understand that you are all limited by what I write and I'm not typically a very emotional or descriptive writer. So I know it is hard to understand the exact way that things went down between us. Even though he referred to a lot of our encounters as jokes, I feel as if most jokes hold some truth, even if only subconsciously. It is hard to explain the looks he had or the way he talked, but to me, it seemed very flirtatious.

I CAN accept being just friends as I have since I've told him. In 2 weeks I feel our friendship is where it was before and that we can be closer friends as a result (he still wants to take a weekend friends trip with just me), but, I cannot truly give up hope until I truly know 100% one way or the other. It was hard enough finding someone to have such a close connection with, and as of now, I feel somewhat uncertain until he feels comfortable to finish talking with me about this issue. In the aftermath of me coming out to him, he was processing and asking me questions and I never got to ask him questions or tell him anything from my point of view. I simply answered his questions and then respected his "time" to process. Now I feel somewhat afraid to bring up this uncomfortable subject again.

He is 2.5 years younger than me, and I feel like the way he reacts when confronted with this issue is the same way I'd of reacted at that age, so that is another reason I don't fullheartedly accept his answer. Whenever I was around others I would call a girl hot or pretend to be one of the guys. I see him when he does it and I see myself in him. For him, its probably even tougher since he plays hockey and he has to get along with all the guys.