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Ridiculous gender roles and dating straight people.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Laura27, Jan 14, 2014.

  1. Laura27

    Regular Member

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    Hello everyone,

    I wasn't sure weather to put label this under 'gender identity' or 'relationships', but since this is more about stereotypes and gender roles I decided to put this here!

    As I am dating people, and since I'm queer, both male and female, something bothers me when it comes to dating heterosexual men. While dating lesbians or bisexuals automatically puts you in a less 'hetero normative' position, dating straight men seem to include exaggerated 'gender roles'.

    I identify as female, I normally don't have problems with this label even though I sometimes get anxious because of it. I think it's more because of how society seems to perceive the female gender role (and the male gender role!) than that I am actually genderqueer. I look like a female, long hair, make-up, although I like to wear mens clothes (a little like Ashley Mardell).

    But I do have problems with men expecting me to act a certain way. I don't believe all men act a certain way or are supposed to look a certain way. So it annoys me when I hear him say things such as: 'Men always have short hair and they never dye their hair. That's ridiculous', 'What do you women think of this?' 'All women want to get is jewelry and make-up for christmas, and I'm bad at that stuff because I'm a dude,' I get kind of annoyed. They are not open minded at all. These are lousy examples, I know. It's just that when I try to break down these stereotypes they give me a confused and slightly annoyed look. These are the type of people that get uncomfortable by the fabulousness of Miles Jai.

    Maybe it's because us queer people have to deal with coming out of the closet, and before that we really have to think about who we are. So we are automatically more open minded, accepting, and enjoy and celebrate difference, while heterosexuals only deal with the 'manly man dates feminine woman'-stereotype. I don't understand what's appealing to that. I feel like I have reached a higher level of acceptance and cannot connect relationship-wise with people who don't. While reading this again, I realize I sound quite arrogant, as if I think I'm better than him. What I'm trying to say is that I would rather be in a relationship that doesn't have boundaries based on what society tells us what to do when it comes to being a certain gender and being in a relationship and just overall.

    I had a guy apologize about him being somewhat effeminate. Why the hell would you apologize for such a thing! :eusa_doh: As if I, because he thinks I am a heterosexual female, am only attracted to macho men. Same goes with girls who wear bow-ties (my ultimate weakness right there), guys who love to wear make-up, girls who decide to cut their hair really short or men who grow their hair long. :thumbsup:

    This is why I felt way more comfortable with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I could talk about boyish attire, make-up, the lack of make-up, acceptance and perceiving norms.

    Am I exaggerating things? I truly believe it's a big deal how you perceive your partner. Am I the only one with this problem? I hope I am not insulting anyone. I am open for critique. Please don't mind any grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.

    Have a nice day, oh hey it's already noon here! Need to start doing stuff!

    Edit: I make it seem like all straight people are like this! Of course not! But I feel like it's the majority that thinks like this. At least, in my surroundings. I have a great group of straight friends that think about this the way I do and I am hanging out with loads of straight people who enjoy talking about these type of things. Then again, I chose to hang out with those people for a reason. Most of my family and the people that I meet in other occasions aren't as open-minded. The guy that I'm dating I know from university, he isn't part of my group of friends. While I'm getting to know him better, I ran into obstacles. That's why I posted this. This is not a rant against all straight people because I know loads of the who have put some thought in this.
     
    #1 Laura27, Jan 14, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2014
  2. stocking

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    I remember when i hated this guy he would get upset that i was smarter than him and he would try to quiz me on stuff to see if I didn't know anything and if I got the answer wrong he would be happy but he could not stand when I would correct him on stuff . It's not my fault I pay attention in my history classes and I read books in the library . My mom told me that a woman should never act smart in front of a man because he will not like her and she will get less dates so I started pretending and i was not very smart to make guys like me , I sometimes subconsciously do it with my male friends today it's so ingrained in me ( I don't like them in a romantic way ) I've come to find that some straight guys admire that i'm smart and some don't well correction most don't I remember I told this guy that I speak Japanese as a 2nd language and he asking me sentences to see if I did not know and when i did not know how to translate one word he asked he took pleasure in me and said you don't know how to say that word after that he stop asking me stuff . I've learned that me being smart can put off most guys and they don't like that and it drives them nuts that I'm probably smarter than them or just as smart as them .