I met a guy online, we chatted for a few weeks and when we met up it felt so natural. He asked me out six weeks ago and I obviously said yes, we were so happy together. Attracted to each other, getting on with each other. There were never any awkward silences. He was really into me, calling me up each night just to talk, and we seen each other a lot over Christmas. I was so sure we were gonna make a good couple. Then he's started acting a bit weird all of a sudden. He never phones any more, and it's always me who seems to be instigating texts or chat on facebook, and he doesn't seem so keen on keeping any conversation up. Like he'll talk and stuff but it's just answering my q's and politely returning the favour sort of thing. I was meant to meet up with him over the weekend and both times he said he wasn't well. I've met him since then for a couple of hours and he seemed fine when I met him, but since then he's gone back to being not very chatty again. I checked on facebook and he's also made our relationship status private whereas before it was public. Am I reading too much into it? I could understand if something had happened, but I just don't get the sudden change. I kind of want to bring it up in case there's a problem, or I've done something wrong, but at the same time I don't want to appear too clingy/paranoid. Maybe this is just the way he is, and he was just really excited at the beginning. I just don't get people sometimes :icon_sad: I feel bad because I really like him.
If it were just a change in how he's interacting, I'd say you were being paranoid. But the combination of the behavioral change and making the relationship status private (if all his other settings are still the same) does raise a red flag. Unfortunately, many, many gay guys are deathly afraid of emotional intimacy. When things start to get really "good", they run because, unconsciously, they're either afraid that they aren't good enough, or the relationship won't last, or something like that, and so they unconsciously sabotage it. It's also possible he's looking around for someone else and has lost interest for reasons that have little to do with you. The really messed up part is that people won't have the common decency to say "I'm really sorry but this just isn't working for me" and instead play games like this because they don't want the confrontation. I think it's reasonable to have a conversation and preface it up front by saying you just want to understand. Maybe something else is going on in his life that's making him distanct, but again... the facebook status thing points to something different. Just be prepared for him to either lie and say everything is fine, or to be open and tell you that it's not working for him... whatever it is, unfortunately, there isn't much you can do, as usually once those feelings are there, it's hard to change them.
Thank you I reckon I'm going to subtly ask him next time we meet if he still feels good about our relationship. I'd be gutted if he didn't, but as you say you can't change how people may feel It's just confusing, but at least I'd know. I'm hoping he still wants to see me
So he texted me yesterday to say that he no longer wants a boyfriend and although he still likes me feels that he rushed into things and wants to take time.....I feel heartbroken I wanted to meet up with him to talk but he doesn't want to and only talks through texts. And only when I prompt him. What have I done? I don't know what to do. He said he'd still like to hang out as friends and even "with benefits", and I don't know what to do. On one hand I really want to see him but I fear I'll just get hurt again. Should I leave him alone and see if he contacts me again or try and persist with getting to meet him?
This happened to me. The first guy i ever meet from the a dating site and the first guy I ever kissed did this to me after like two or three meet ups. The problem we were both closeted in a small college town and he felt like he need sex more than a actual relationship so he broke up with me. I knew it was was coming deep down but it was heartbreaking to get rejected when I felt so alone. But the more I thought about it it was december and the only safe place he thought was safe to meet was his car and that was kind of pathetic I later realized. He was more paranoid and scared than me about coming out as gay or being found out. I know how you feel I really do.
